4 Warning Signs You May Need Couple Counseling
Many couples find it difficult to accept the fact that it is not the
presence of conflict or marital strife that is an indication of an unhealthy
or troubled relationship. Conflict is inevitable and it is a normal and
healthy part of a relationship. It is the way you deal with the conflict
that could be a problem.
And then they do not realize how important it is to communicate with
Relationships coach or marriage counselor to help them understand the roots
of the disagreement . And know the correct and practical solutions to
protect the relationship.
Research has shown that certain types of negative communication styles are
very damaging and may lead to the end of a relationship.
World-famous relationship expert and best-selling author John Gottman calls
them The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, a term used to describe behaviors
that degrade a relationship that are so deadly, and they expect the
relationship to fail if not changed.
In terms of relationship, the Four Horsemen are criticism, contempt,
defense, and procrastination.
Thus, when these signs are present in the relationship, you should
immediately contact a marriage therapist to rectify the matter before it is
too late
If your marriage is struggling, however, marriage counseling therapy may be
your only hope of moving forward as a couple.
Keep reading for 4 telltale signs you need marriage counseling.
1. Criticism.
Some forms of criticism are constructive, but in this case criticism refers
to making negative judgments or proclamations about your partner in extreme,
absolute terms. A sign that you may be engaging in this more harmful form of
criticism is if you catch yourself using terms like “never” and always”—for
example, “You never think about anyone but yourself!” or, “You are always so
stubborn!”
Note that criticism itself is not necessarily a recipe for relationship
failure—the problem with criticism is that excessive or extreme criticism
can, over time, lead to the more destructive “horsemen.”
2. Contempt.
Contempt is a more destructive form of criticism that involves treating
your partner with disrespect, disgust, condescension, or ridicule. It may
involve mean-spirited sarcasm, mockery, eye-rolling, sneering, or
name-calling. Contempt can grow over time when a person focuses on the
qualities they dislike in their partner and builds up these qualities in
their mind.
3. Defensiveness.
Defensiveness tends to arise when people feel criticized or attacked; it
involves making excuses to avoid taking responsibility, or even deflecting
blame onto your partner. If you hear yourself saying “I didn’t do anything
wrong,” or blaming your partner for something else after they have leveled a
complaint against you, ask yourself whether this is really the case. Even if
your partner made some mistakes, that doesn’t free you from responsibility
for things you could have done differently as well.
The problem with defensiveness is that it communicates to your partner that
you aren’t really listening to her or taking his concerns seriously. And by
introducing new grievances, it can also exacerbate the conflict by making
your partner feel attacked and defensive.
4. Stonewalling.
Stonewalling involves putting up a (metaphorical) wall between you and your
partner by withdrawing, shutting down, and physically and emotionally
distancing yourself from your partner. An example of stonewalling is to give
your partner the “silent treatment” or to abruptly leave without telling
your partner where you’re going.
Stonewalling can sometimes result when the first three “horsemen”
accumulate and become overwhelming. Stonewalling is especially destructive
to relationships because it can make one’s partner feel abandoned and
rejected.
Do You Need Marriage Counseling ?
After reading this article, you might have a further understanding of your
relationship issues and whether or not you need a relationship counseling / therapy. If so, remember, there’s no shame in working
hard and seeking help to fix or improve your marriage.
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