8 Things You Should Never Tolerate in a Relationship

8 Things You Should Never Tolerate in a Relationship

8 Things You Should Never Tolerate in a Relationship

8 Things You Should Never Tolerate in a Relationship

You may have heard the saying "love is blind". And this can be true - sometimes unhealthy emotional attachments make it hard to see the signs that you're in a bad relationship. Of course, no couple is perfect, and we all have a deep inner need to connect with other humans. And for love to work, it needs open and honest communication. On the flip side, there are things you should think about before you ever tolerate them in a relationship.

Naturally, we all have different tolerance levels. This means that some of us can often forgive certain things that others may not. Thus, understanding the behaviors that are major red flags for something unhealthy can help you find a satisfying partnership, whether it's with your current partner or in a future relationship. 

Trust-breaking behaviors can range from not prioritizing your partner to physical, emotional, psychological or sexual abuse. And when it comes to abusive and toxic relationships, it is important to manage it well in order to make the right decision to protect yourself.

Here are 8 8 Things You Should Never Tolerate in a Relationship

1. Physical abuse: 

Physical abuse basically involves someone using physical force against you, causing you harm. Physical abuse can include any of the following acts of violence:

• Scratching or biting
• pushing or shoving
• slapping
• kicking
• choking or strangling
• throwing things
• force feeding or denying you food
• using weapons or objects that could hurt you
• physically restraining you (such as pinning you against a wall, floor, bed, etc.)
• reckless driving
• other acts that hurt or threaten you.

The abuser often blames another person, such as the victim, for saying or doing something that "caused" their violent behavior. Or he might say that his/her behavior was the result of being under the influence of alcohol or drugs, or feeling stressed or frustrated. It is also common for the abuser to feel remorse and to apologize after the assault. They may ask for forgiveness and promise not to do it again. This makes it more difficult for the victim of abuse to leave the relationship. 

What you need to remember:

• That their violent behavior is always their responsibility, not yours. 
• Abuse is never acceptable or justified. 
• Whatever they say, their violence is never acceptable.

Why do people stay? 

The reasons are complex but range from fear to low self-esteem and a lack of a supportive network of friends. Also, after a moment of abuse, the abusive partner often turns to manipulation and making false excuses. These partners can be so good at this that you doubt yourself especially if you have no one to talk to.

2. Emotional abuse:

Emotional abuse involves controlling another person by using emotions to criticize, embarrass, shame, blame, or otherwise manipulate them. While most common in dating and married relationships, mental or emotional abuse can occur in any relationship—including among friends, family members, and co-workers. 

When there is a pattern of verbal abuse and bullying conduct that wears down a person's self-esteem and undermine their mental health, it is emotionally abusive. The main target of emotional abuse is to isolate, discredit, and silence the victims in order to exert control over them. Its difficult  to spot this type of abuse to because it can be sneaky and subtle. It can, however, also be overt and deceptive.

Emotional abuse can undermine your self-esteem in either case, and you can start to question your views and reality. Finally, you may feel trapped. While you find yourself getting emotionally abused too often to stay in the relationship, you are also afraid to leave. So, until something is done, the cycle will continue.

3. Stonewalling

Demeaning behavior in a relationship can involve ignoring your feelings and shutting you out. When someone stonewalls you, they refuse to answer you and might even walk away in mid-conversation.

There are many possible causes for this behavior, such as fear of a possible fight or desire to evade responsibility, but if someone does not have the desire to create an open conversation and takes responsibility for their behavior, you will reach a dead end.

Signs of stonewalling can include:

• Ignoring what the other person is saying.
• Changing the subject to avoid an uncomfortable topic.
• Storming off without a word.
• Coming up with reasons not to talk.
• Refusing to answer questions.
• Making accusations rather than talking about the current problem.

4. Manipulation and control: 

Perhaps your partner tries to control what you do and when you do it. Or maybe they expect you to fall in line with their values, no questions asked. There are many ways your partner can be controlling, and these behaviors are not OK.

It is not always easy to spot manipulation, but deep down, you will know that something is not right and that these are things that you should never tolerate in a relationship. Sometimes people manipulate or control by making others feel guilty or by threatening to quit. Then they reward you with their so-called loving presence after you give them what they want.

5. Gaslighting: 

Gaslighting is a common feature of control in toxic relationships. It is a form of manipulation that often occurs in abusive relationships. In other words, it is a subtle type of emotional abuse in which the bully or the aggressor misleads his victims, creating a false narrative and causing them to question their judgments and reality. 

Thus, “any psychological manipulation of a person, usually over a long period of time, causes the victim to question the validity of her thoughts, perception of reality, or her memories and usually leads to her feeling confused, loss of confidence and self-esteem, uncertainty of emotional or mental stability, and dependence on the manipulator.”

Your partner may try to convince you that your fears are "ridiculous" or unfounded, or they may respond to your hurt feelings with "it was just a joke" or "mild it up." Or he may use lying, denial, or shifting blame as tools to mislead you.

6. BREAK YOUR TRUST :

Trust is an essential component of a strong relationship, but it doesn't happen quickly. But once it's broken, it's hard to rebuild. When you think of circumstances that could lead you to lose faith in your partner, infidelity may immediately come to mind. But cheating isn't the only way to break trust in a relationship. Other possibilities for a trust breach include: 

• Going back on your words or not keeping promises 
• Not being there for your partner in their time of need 
• Withhold or keep something 
• Lying or manipulating

7. Your partner is trying to isolate you:

Independence is an important part of any healthy relationship, so when the abusive partner is trying to isolate you from your loved ones and hobbies , this is a sign that your partner is trying to assert their dominance at the expense of your happiness, personal relationships, and self-care. However, while isolation behaviors can be difficult to detect, it is not impossible to identify them.

Here are five warning signs that your partner is cutting you off from your support network.

• Your partner insists on taking up too much of your time 
• Your partner refuses to interact with your friends and family 
• Your partner makes up reasons to stop you from seeing friends and family 
• Your partner uses jealousy, guilt, or other emotional manipulation Your partner is insist to know all your passwords

There are many explanations for why they act this way, and they are all bad. Your partner may know that your friends refuse the relationship for good reasons, and therefore tries to keep you away from people who will point out serious flaws and fears. Or they may be insecure or jealous of your interactions with others. But your personal relationships and lifestyle are important, so any partner trying to empty your life is not to be overlooked.

Related Article:  7 Subtle Signs OF  Manipulation In Relationships

8. Ignoring Boundaries: 

Great relationship are built on a solid foundation of trust, respect and mutual understanding of each other's differences. This is why the things you should never tolerate in a relationship include someone who is intentionally ignoring your limits and needs. 

Boundaries are guidelines about how you want to be treated and how your needs can be met. This affects your mental health, and if ignored, it will build up over time into resentment and even potential exhaustion. The purpose of boundaries is to establish and reinforce mutual respect, by drawing a line between what is acceptable and what is not.

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Can Relationship Go Back To Normal After Cheating?

Can Relationship Go Back To Normal After Cheating?

Can Relationship Go Back To Normal After Cheating?

Can Relationship Go Back To Normal After Cheating?

One of the hardest times in a relationship or marriage is when your partner cheats on you. Then you have to decide whether you want to stay in the relationship or break up. Cheating  means that your partner is lying and manipulating you. Therefore, it can be difficult for you to decide whether to forgive and give your cheating partner a second chance.

When someone cheats on you, it hurts a lot because that trust was broken and often abused. The cheater usually lied, deceived, and insulted the other person while cheating, thereby breaking the sacred bond of the relationship. Infidelity, sadness, and anger are rational and justified feelings that follow the effects of infidelity.

Trust is fragile and hard to restore in a relationship. It takes an investment of time and energy to rebuild it again, as when trust withers, so does the relationship. Although cheating is devastating, it can also be a wake-up call for both people regarding the status of their relationship and the aspects they are neglecting. If both parties choose to move forward together, this should be something they take on more so that it doesn't happen again.

When should you forgive a cheater? 

There are a lot of variables that come into play when considering whether or not to forgive a cheater and give them a second chance. Then dive into how to forgive a cheater once you've decided that it's worth it. It largely depends on how willing and motivated both parties are to maintain the relationship. You both need first of all honestly and faithfully to be in a relationship together.

Infidelity does not always mean that the relationship is over, the chance of a relationship recovery is more optimistic if your partner truly feels remorse. Indeed, but they need to fully acknowledge their destructive behavior and take full responsibility for it. Real remorse is a huge indicator that there is hope in a relationship, especially if you've been together for a long time and have kids together. But, both of you must realize that your relationship will never be the same. You can't just pretend like nothing ever happened if you want to change anything. You both have a lot of hard work to make the relationship work.

Here are some suggestions that will help you make the right decision. 

Questions to consider before giving your partner a second chance: It's important to really think about everything that is involved in repairing your relationship such as healing your pain, rebuilding trust, learning to be intimate again, and improving communication. Here are some important questions to ask yourself.

• Is this the first time your partner cheats on you? 
• Does your partner understand the harm they have caused?
• Does your partner realize cheating is a problem? 
• Has your partner accepted responsibility for being unfaithful? 
• Regardless of the reasons for infidelity, will your partner accept that changes in their behavior are needed?
• Has your partner apologized?
• Do you think your partner feels remorse and really regrets being unfaithful? 
• Will your partner attend marital and individual counseling? 
• Do you think you can trust your partner again?
• Do you think your relationship is worth saving?
• Do you think your partner's betrayal will forever haunt your mind and heart? 
• Can you forgive your partner or will you put disbelief over his head?
• Are you thinking about revenge or retaliating? 
• Will your family and friends support reconciliation efforts or hinder the process? 
• Are you both ready to work on your relationship and figure out how to solve basic problems?

Answering these questions honestly can help you decide if you should give your partner a second chance. See your answers. Are they mostly positive? Or are there areas of concern? You may wish to discuss this list with a counselor or other neutral party who can help you assess your situation.

Related Article: 7 Sings You Have A Cheating Partner

Red Flags That Should Not Be Ignored:

There are times in a relationship when you should reconsider giving your partner a second chance. Of course, the choice is still yours, but giving a second chance when these red flags are present may mean that true reconciliation is unlikely. Think twice about giving a second chance when:

• Your partner had an affair with a previous partner.
• The affair was full-fledged and long-term.. 
• Your partner shows no remorse or does not apologize.
• Cheating occurred early in the relationship. 
• Cheating is a sequential or pattern of behavior
• Your partner is abusive or controlling.

Although it can be difficult to accept, not every relationship can be reconciled. There are times when a cheating partner refuses to end an affair or has a consistent pattern of cheating. In these cases, drastic changes must occur before any reconciliation can be successful. If these red flags are obvious in your case, consider seeking individual advice before making any permanent decisions.

How To Repair Relationship after cheating? 

How to repair a broken marriage after cheating? It is possible that the relationship will return to "normal," or even stronger than it was before the infidelity. But this does not happen overnight, and it requires hard work on both sides. For cheaters, they must come to terms with what they cannot achieve within themselves that has led them to cheat. They have to heal their personal damage, and then heal the damage they have caused due to their mistakes. For someone who has been cheated on, it can be very difficult to achieve forgiveness after the betrayal. Grieving takes time, time to heal, more time to forgive, and even longer to give confidence. However, two people can use this time to heal together and develop a stronger foundation built on honesty and communication.

If you decide to give your partner a second chance, it may make sense to stress that this is a one-time opportunity. They need to understand that there will be no more chances if they cheat again. It is important to emphasize that your desire to reconcile the relationship does not mean that you condone cheating behavior. Meanwhile, the partner who cheated should be willing to explain why they cheated. They must also be apologetic and honest, and they must keep their promises. They also need to realize that there will be questions about their commitment. Thus, they may need to agree to set healthy boundaries about their future behaviors.

Although it is best to discuss these boundaries with a relationship or marriage counselor, your partner may agree to allow you full access to their phone, text messages, social media accounts, and emails. They may also agree not to have lunch or dinner alone with someone who might be a potential romantic partner. For a long time, you may worry and wonder whether or not they will cheat again. Therefore, 

These boundaries serve two purposes: They provide you with a sense of security while holding your partner accountable.

Relationship repair may not always work, however, and it can get ugly. Commitment is a two-way street that takes dedication from both parties. It takes both people to be brutally honest with each other, even the subtleties and guts of a relationship, while still being supportive of each other. If you choose to forgive your partner (or even if you don't), remember that holding grudges will ultimately be an obstacle to your recovery and happiness. 

If you forgive your partner and really want to work on your relationship, don't put their faults above their heads. Constantly mentioning and/or punishing them for their infidelity will only lead to resentment by both parties, and will greatly impede the progress of the entire relationship.

Couple therapy can be very helpful when deciding to salvage the relationship after infidelity. Working with a marriage counselor or couple therapist will help heal wounds, facilitate clear and effective communication, and ideally rebuild trust between the two of you. It can also help both people understand why infidelity occurred, which may give way to sympathy. Couples will also need to see the incident as an opportunity to examine what went wrong and what could be improved, such as emotional dissatisfaction, sexual desires, or communication. Additionally, monogamy must be addressed and discussed, with clear boundaries set.

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5 Reasons Why Empaths Attract Toxic People

5 Reasons Why Empaths Attract Toxic People

5 Reasons Why Empaths Attract Toxic People

5 Reasons Why Empaths Attract Toxic People 

Do you often feel a deep concern for the feelings of the people around you? Do crowds make you uncomfortable? Would you describe yourself (or the people closest to you) as a sensitive person? If so, you may be sympathetic.

Empaths are highly sensitive individuals, with a keen ability to sense what the people around them are thinking and feeling. Psychologists may use the term empathy to describe a person who experiences a great deal of empathy, often to the point of enduring the pain of others at their own expense.

Dr. Judith Orloff, a pioneer in the field, describes empaths as those who absorb the world's joys and stresses like "emotional sponges." In her book The Empath's Survival Guide: Life Strategies for Sensitive People, she points out that empathy lacks the filters most people use to protect themselves from over-stimulation and can only absorb surrounding feelings and energies, whether they are good, bad, or something in between. She also listed in her book her most important traits in empathy.

Why Empaths Attracts Toxic People. 

1- They Take responsibility for the actions of others.

Empathy can go as far as an apology when he's not wrong. When an empath sees an expression of anger in the other person's face, They feels that the fault is from them (sympathy). In short, most of the time, when people know you're empathetic, they'll intentionally go wrong sometimes, yet claim they're right, because they know you can't survive the atmosphere of trouble. They know sympathizers who yearn for peace and yearn for it with all their being.

2- Empaths tend to hijack other people's problems.

Having this innate desire to make sure others are happy, empaths can go so far as to buy your problem and hang it all around them. At school, you sometimes see them running to make sure other people's tasks are done. They even cheat in exam halls just for others to pass, putting themselves at risk for others' sake.

3-They are attracted to broken people.

Every action and movement of the empath's character always sends the message that they are very open to helping others. Perhaps in meetings or when there is a gathering, the way they talk or contribute to the meeting tends to be very gentle and protective. If deliberations are made to punish a person, person, or person who has sinned, the words spoken by sympathy are words of penance; They try to protect the person(s) who broke the rule(s). This is how they empathize.

Some empaths may feel some physical symptoms that coincide with what others are going through. For example in a movie scene, if someone is being bullied, or there is extreme violence, the empathetic person may break down into tears, or even leave the room to avoid the scene where someone is in pain knowing they can't help.

4- They think that others are as decent, good, and just as they are.

Empaths trust people as easily as anything else. They think everyone else has as good intentions as they do. This makes them virtually trust anyone they meet. This gets worse when a person is shaping up to be excellent at first.

Empaths are often convinced of the first approach; They do not take the time to examine the authenticity of the people they meet. They are not looking for fake friends; They believe that everyone comes for good. That's why, most of the time, they end up in shock when they understand that a toxic person has taken advantage of their kindness. They feel they can solve every problem. Empaths drop a lot of responsibilities on themselves, even those that are beyond their capacity. They are very worried about fixing it, but when they reach the point of submission, they break themselves hard.

5- Empath are givers.

We can say that givers attract takers. Just like the rule of physics which states that "like terms repel, unlike terms attract". This is absolutely true when it comes to why empaths attract toxic people.

Narcissists, for example, are attracted to people they will get the greatest use from. Often, this means they pursue and target empaths.

Empaths are "emotional sponges," who can absorb feelings from other people very easily. This makes them them very attractive to narcissists, because they see someone who will fulfill their every need in a selfless way.

What narcissists see in empaths is a giving, loving person who is going to try and be devoted to you and love you and listen to you," she said. "But unfortunately empaths are attracted to narcissists, because at first this is about a false self. Narcissists present a false self, where they can seem charming and intelligent, and even giving, until you don't do things their way, and then they get cold, withholding and punishing."

So How To Deal with Toxic people:

1. Prioritize Self Care

2. Don't Take it Personal & its not your fault

3. Set clear boundaries

4. Find a support system

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8 Marriage Mistakes Women Make

8 Marriage Mistakes Women Make

8 Marriage Mistakes Women Make

People make mistakes, that's normal. But some faults or misunderstandings can put your relationship in danger if you do it constantly and in long-term, especially as a married couple. We're not saying that you shouldn't make any mistake at all, but by being aware of the common errors that you or your future spouse potentially make in your upcoming marriage, you'll learn from it and do better

However, there are mistakes committed by men and others committed by women, driven by the lack of self awareness, different cultures, and the lack of communication skills for each party to express emotional and psychological needs. The result is more resentment between both parties.

Marriage is hard work, it needs to work constantly in order to reduce the harmful things in the relationship, and keep the flame of love burning. So if there's a worthwhile reason to work hard, it's marriage. 

 In any case, let us discuss in this article some of the most important mistakes that wives make, which may seriously damage the marriage relationship: 

8 Mistakes Married Women Make

1- Mission is done, no need for more efforts towards the relationship.

Many women think that marriage is the last stop in a relationship. Are you one of them? Do you think that once you get married, everything will settle by itself? 

Marriage is just the next level of a successful relationship. It is not the last stop. It is a new challenge with its own problems and struggles. However, the rules for success are the same - communication, sharing, respect and understanding.

Do it as you did before marriage. Keep appreciating and discover the other! Keep planning for a bright future and make it happen! Keep working all the time! . A successful relationship requires continuous effort from us to remain successful.

2- Children take first place when it comes to attention. 

You will always love your children. It is a given, and it is a blessing and instinct in all mothers. But you have to remember that one day they will leave the house and they will have their own life. And you will stay with your husband until the end of the trip, and it will be again only the two of you together. 

Don't allow yourself to lose touch with him as the kids get older. They will always need your attention when they are young. But you have to find a balance. You will have to find time to get closer to him and communicate with him. Making efforts to keep the main relationship going in your family will give your children an example of what a marriage should look like. Remember that you are doing this not only for him but for you and your children as well.

3-  Becoming overly controlling.

There are many families in which the husband does not like to make decisions about many things in the family. Or the wife has control issues and thinks her way is always better than everyone else. If you are one of them you will have to stop. 

Marriage is not an arena for fights or competitions over power and struggles over who has the last word. A man will not be happy when he finds himself marginalized or does not perform what he must do of the tasks of care and responsibility towards his family and providing protection and safety for his wife and children, especially when he finds another man in the form of a woman who takes over these roles and wants to be alone in making all decisions home own.

4- You Keep trying to change him.

Many people don't like it when you try to aggressively change their lifestyle. They get the impression that you're pushing their flaws right in front of them, and that can be demoralizing. When it comes to male sex, this is one of the mistakes women make with men. One of the best ways to correct someone is to do so with love and acceptance.

In general, constructive criticism works better than destructive criticism. It is wrong to openly judge someone for their flaws. Instead, tell them that you accept him and encourage him to do better. In addition, if you want your partner to change their hobby or lifestyle, it can be difficult because they are used to it. Thus, it is better to communicate intimately and try to keep an open mind with him. In the end, you and your partner will strike a balance to avoid hurting each other.

For example, if you are not satisfied with the weekends when the husband goes out with his friends or with his laziness about participating in household chores, then there is time to search for a solution to the problem by expressing your feelings, fears and needs without making it personal Through constant criticism and continuous attack on the life partner.

Nobody says you shouldn't share your fears and ask for understanding. But you also have to have enough space of acceptance and understanding of the nature of the differences between both of  you.

Your partner does not have to be obligated to become an exact copy of your perceptions. So that he does not find himself in a struggle for survival in order to protect his identity and use stubbornness and conflict as a weapons of resistance towards your constant quest to change him.

5- Not making intimacy a priority. 

Whether it's because of exhaustion or for some other reason, many women don't make enough time for intimacy. This is a serious mistake, "The truth is that what is best for everyone is a healthy sex life." “It maintains a happy family. What their children need more than anything is parents who have a strong and positive bond.” 

A good sex life has countless benefits, from increased bonding and emotional well-being to enhanced physical health. For most women, improving their sex lives starts with feeling aroused - so find ways to feel confident and attractive. 

Furthermore it , Men often complain that the burden of initiating sexual activity falls on their shoulders. They want to feel wanted too, so make sure there is no tension on this side as much as possible! Making your sex life a priority in your marriage will be beneficial to everyone as the man gets the physical fulfillment that helps him be more open to meeting your emotional needs.

6- Not Being Clear About Expectations

One of the most common complaints among husbands is that they simply do not know what their wives want or expect of them. This can lead to all kinds of problems.When it comes to household responsibilities, finances, the time you spend together, or any other aspect of marriage. 

Couples who work best in marriage make their expectations clear from the start about the sharing of roles, responsibilities, parenting issues, and finances, 

Says family and marriage therapist Elie Karam, an assistant professor of couples therapy at the University of Louisville. Autopilot mode" "A lot of couples do what they assume in their heads because they were brought up that way, and if it works out for them, it becomes their permanent style of communication," Karam says. However, over time, resentment can easily build up if expectations differ or are smashed against the rocks of harsh reality.

To keep things clear, set your expectations up front. If you want him home at a certain time, tell him! Don't expect him to be able to read your thoughts.

7- You don't take care of yourself. 

When you haven't made an effort to look attractive after several years of marriage, it can be easy to settle into a relaxed routine of just wearing the easiest outfit, and even staying in your pajamas all morning if you can. We all know inner beauty is the most important, but don't underestimate your best outward appearance, either. 

This is another way to show respect to the man you love, that you care enough to make yourself look beautiful to him - and in most cases he will surely appreciate it. As we may note, most of these errors described above involve "omissions" or good things that we no longer do, and then there are also "sins" or hurtful things that we do frequently.

We change over the years. Our bodies will change, our experiences will change, and Situations and expectations will change. But that doesn't mean we have to let it go to the worst possible scenario. And it shouldn't just be because of your husband. It is healthy and beautiful to be healthy and take care of yourself. After all, it makes you happier and prouder when you look in the mirror.

8- Always react negatively.

When it comes to making mistakes in relationships, one of the things you need to avoid is being negative. You don't have to reject all of your partner's opinions or suggestions because you think you are right. A relationship needs the combined efforts of both parties to thrive so that no one is wrong every time. 

If you feel that your partner is wrong, there are better ways to do it instead of being passive. Try to avoid complaining and criticizing every time your partner makes a suggestion or makes an effort to please you that goes against your expectations.

To ensure that you and your spouse are happy, it is essential that you appreciate each other. When your partner offers you favors to express his love for you, acknowledge the appreciation of what he has done and make sure that he feels appreciated. Some women do not know the importance of appreciation in a man's life as one of his most important emotional needs, so they take what he gives and gives for granted. 

No matter how big or small the effort, going a long way to appreciating your partner motivates them to do more.

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7 Things Happy Couples Don't Do In Relationship

7 Things Happy Couples Don't Do In Relationship

7 Things Happy Couples Don't Do In Relationship

7 Things Happy Couples Don't Do In Relationship

It will always take a lot of effort and commitment in order to make the relationship work well. You may have been led to believe that only love alone would be a wonderful and perfect thing to bring you happiness and joy. But it won't always be that simple. Relationships will not always be a walk in the park. You will encounter some setbacks and challenges along the way. And you need to make sure that you and your partner can weather the storm.

If you're in a relationship that isn't built to deal with all the problems you might have as a couple, then it's a relationship that's bound to come to an end without a doubt. But that also doesn't mean you have to throw the relationship away just because things get a little tough.

So how do you achieve this balance? How do you know the difference? How do you know if you're in a healthy relationship that's worth fighting for? How do you know if you're in a vulnerable relationship that wasn't built to last?

Well, here are a few things you might want to look for in your relationship. If a lot of the signs mentioned here apply to you and your partner, you probably don't have a strong relationship at all.

Here are 7 things that happy couples don't do in a relationship

1. Fight over Trivial Issues.

No relationship is free of controversies. But it naturally takes some time to develop the x-ray vision necessary to see the superficial problems we are fighting about, and to consider the deeper issues of why we feel hurt or angry. And thus the development of an indulgence system that is flexible enough to differentiate between what is worth fighting for and what can be overlooked. 

Are you fighting about 15 minutes late to lunch, or do you two really fight about whether work is one of you's real priority? He challenges couples' motives that lead them to slip into focus on petty issues and choose instead to look at the heart of things and work towards satisfactory solutions to core problems.

2. Holding grudges. 

There are absolutely no perfect pairs. This is how things work. However, the best couples are the ones who know how to move on and forgive each other. Only weak couples carry grudges and bad feelings towards each other. Rather, they leave it taking a large space that affects their behavior and attitudes towards each other without carrying out a process of filtering these feelings or venting about them on an ongoing basis and addressing their causes together. 

The constant feeling of injustice, oppression, neglect or lack of appreciation are negative feelings that may be justified or may be based on accumulated mountains of misunderstanding and the absence of healthy communication between spouses.

3. Negative-aggressive comments. 

Passive aggressive behavior will always be detrimental to any type of relationship. And if you and your partner resort to passive-aggressive tactics instead of being honest and direct with each other about your problems and each other's feelings, you know that's a very bad sign for your romantic relationship. 

Passive aggressive behaviors are those that involve acting indirectly aggressive rather than expressing negative feelings directly. Passive-aggressive people regularly show resistance to the demands or demands of family and other individuals often by:

• Resentment and opposition to the demands of others
• Procrastination and intentional mistakes in response to others' demands
• Cynical, sullen or hostile attitude
• Frequent complaints about feeling underappreciated or cheated

4. Spending all time together. 

Just because you got into a relationship with someone doesn't mean you should spend all your time with that person. You should still be able to spend time with people outside your relationship. 

Not being able to do this is an indication of being involved in a relationship that seems toxic and stifling. You may believe it or not, healthy couples actually enjoy their time apart now and then. We're not talking about long weekends with guys or girls (although it might be), but instead enjoying a few hours of alone time doing something we enjoy.

Having some time to yourself can be very rewarding. You will usually return home to your more active and committed spouse. Healthy husbands don't prioritize their hobbies over their wives, but these hobbies certainly exist and can provide a valuable outlet for stress relief and regeneration. 

In the end, you should never lose your sense of self just because you are in love with someone. You should still be able to pursue your individual passions and interests.

5. Lying and keeping secrets: 

Life needs quality and a sense of security.” In other words, by keeping secrets or lying to your partner, you run the risk of losing their trust

In healthy relationships, you will never engage in deception or secrecy. There will always be openness, transparency, and complete honesty between two people who truly love each other. 

Trust is the basis for the success of relationships, to be confident in your partner, and do not feel that there is something going on behind your back or that some things are intentionally withheld from you, either for not trusting you or out of lying or manipulating you.

6. Negative criticism. 

Healthy couples keep criticism to a minimum. Instead, they always look on the bright side. Nevertheless, criticism is a way to communicate positively and adjust the course of the relationship.

Of course, healthy couples have honest discussions about what bothers them, what does not match their expectations, and how to improve together (this is done in a very loving way). But healthy couples don't overstep boundaries or become more hostile when criticizing each other. 

They understand that criticism can be constructive or destructive, and they use it to help build their spouse and marriage rather than tear it down. What distinguishes the relationships of happy couples is their ability to communicate intimate and healthy

7. Withholding love.

It's normal for the two of you to have disagreements, and even get hurt or abused from time to time. However, in those moments of hurt, healthy couples express love rather than withhold it. Love heals and heals wounds. 

Expressing the feelings of love is what gives the relationship stability and security, and it reassures your partner about his place in your heart, instead of pushing him to beg for feelings and pressure you always to hear words of love and reassurance. 

Also, healthy couples never use sex as a bargaining chip. Going down this path will turn what should be the intimate experience of husband and wife fusion into a cheap game. This is not a game, this is your marriage!

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5 Safety Steps To Get Out Of An Abusive Relationship

5 Safety Steps To Get Out Of An Abusive Relationship

5 Safety Steps To Get Out Of An Abusive Relationship

Ending a toxic relationship marked by emotional abuse is never easy. Perpetrators of emotional abuse isolate, control, and psychologically exhaust their victims, leaving them feeling guilty and often threatening physical violence, so it can be difficult to find the strength to leave. The decision to leave an abusive relationship is a huge one and there are a number of things you can do to help
Steps to protect yourself from the abuser 

Whether or not you're ready to let go of the person who offended you, there are steps you can take to protect yourself. These safety tips may differentiate between severe injury or murder and running away with your life. 

• Know the warning signs of a person who is assaulting you. 
• Be alert for signs and clues that the abuser is upset and may explode in anger or violence. 
• Come up with several reasonable reasons you can use to leave the house (during the day and night) if you feel problems with fermentation. 
• Identify safe areas in the home.
• Know where to go if your assailant attacks you or starts an argument. 
• Avoid small enclosed spaces without exits (such as closets or bathrooms) or rooms with weapons (such as the kitchen). If possible, head to a room with a phone and an outside door or window. 
• Create a code word. Select a word, phrase, or sign that you can use to let your children, friends, neighbors or co-workers know that you are in danger and they should call the police

Safe Exit Plan: 

1- Decide where you are going when you leave. 

Even before you decide to leave completely, start thinking about where you would go if you had to get out quickly. Perhaps you have a friend or family member willing to host you, or you may feel safe in a domestic violence shelter. By making a plan, you will feel more prepared if the situation escalates and you need to get to a safe place.

• Plan how you will get to your safe space, too - you can save the number to the taxi service or hide a copy of your car key in case your primary key set is taken away by the assailant.
• Consider making two exit plans - one for how you'll leave if you have time to get out, and one for what you'll do if you need to leave at any moment. 
• If you have children, decide if it is safe to take them with you or leave them at home. If you think they will be in danger, bring them when you leave. However, if your abuser never targets them, it may be safe to leave you alone at first.

2- Use a public computer or “burner” phone .

If you use your home computer or phone, the abuser may discover that you are considering leaving, and this may escalate the violence. Even if you try to hide your tracks, it can be difficult to completely erase your internet history on these devices - and even if you do, the cleared search can be a clue in itself. You can also buy a disposable phone for surfing the web - but be sure to keep it somewhere the abuser won't find it.

Keep in mind that your assailant has placed recording devices in your home, so be careful what you say on your phone. Likewise, they may track your devices or your car, so be aware of this as you prepare to leave

3- Save some money if you can.

If possible, set aside a few dollars a week - just enough so the abuser doesn't even notice it's gone. Even a little extra money can really come in handy when you're trying to get away from an abusive home. Either store some cash in a hidden place or open a separate checking account without the name of your abuser. 

Unfortunately, it is common for abusers to control money in the home. Even if you can't save any money, you can still get help from domestic violence groups and local shelters.

4- Prepare the packed bag.

Keep it hidden in your home or leave the bag with friends, family, or at work if possible. And take the following items with you:

• Birth and marriage certificates 
• Driver's license or other ID card and Social Security card
• School and medical records 
• keys 
• Passports, green cards and work permits
• Protection orders, divorce papers and custody orders 
• Bank and credit card statements 
• Medicines & Medications
• A written list of important phone numbers. 
• Evidence of abuse if you have it, such as police reports, medical records, or photos of your injuries.
• If you have children, fill out documents such as birth certificates, social security cards, insurance information, and vaccination records 

Talk to the staff at your local domestic violence agency to learn more about the help they can provide. In an emergency, call 911 first

5- Consider filing a charge or obtaining a restraining order.

If you have evidence that the person who abused you physically abused or threatened you, you may be able to file criminal charges against them, or you may be able to obtain a restraining order. However, there is always the possibility that the abuser will ignore an order to stay away from you, so don't let that give you a false sense of security - do your best to hide your location from the person who offended you.

Keep a phone with you at all times. If the abuser finds you, call emergency services immediately. Sometimes the police will not be able to do anything if there is no active threat, but you will at least document the situation - and if the person who offended you sees you call the police, they will most likely leave you alone .

 If you live in your own home: 

• Consider changing your locks or installing stronger doors.
• If an exchange of children is necessary, arrange a safe, neutral place for the exchange to take place. 
• If the abuser comes to your house, there is no need to let him in. Close the doors and call the police

Related Article : 6 Steps To Get Out Of A Toxic Relationship

Sources

extension.umn.edu/safety-planning-and-abusive-relationships

wikihow.com/Get-Out-of-an-Abusive-Relationship

helpguide.org/getting-out-of-an-abusive-relationship.htm

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