What Is Gaslighting? 7 Signs, Examples & How To Respond

What Is Gaslighting? 7 Signs, Examples & How To Respond

What Is Gaslighting? 7 Signs, Examples & How To Respond

What Is Gaslighting? 7 Signs, Examples & How To Respond

Gaslighting is a type of emotional abuse that can have profound effects on an individual's mental and emotional well-being. It involves a series of behaviors aimed at making someone confused, invalidated, and uncertain about their own reality, doubt their perceptions, memories, and even sanity. In this comprehensive guide, we'll explore what gaslighting entails, highlight 7 common signs to watch out for, provide real-life examples to illustrate its impact, and offer actionable strategies on how to respond effectively.

What is Gaslighting?

Gaslighting derives its name from the 1938 play "Gas Light" and its subsequent film adaptations. 

 In the play, a woman’s husband tries to convince her that she is mentally unstable. He makes small changes in her environment, such as dimming the gaslights in their house and then denying that the lights are flickering when she notices. He then convinces his wife she is simply imagining these changes. His ultimate goal is to have her committed to an asylum so he can steal her inheritance.

Similarly, in real-life situations, Gaslighting involves a pattern of behavior aimed at destabilizing someone's perception of reality, often leaving them feeling powerless and vulnerable and undermining their confidence.

The Impact of Gaslighting

Gaslighting can profoundly affect an individual's psychological well-being, often with devastating consequences. The process is typically gradual, eroding the person's confidence and self-esteem over time. Eventually, they may internalize the abuse, believing they somehow deserve it.

This insidious form of manipulation thrives on uncertainty, causing the victim to question everything they hear, feel, and remember. Gaslighting can extend its reach into the victim's social life as well. The abuser may coerce them into severing ties with friends and family, or the victim may self-isolate, convinced of their own instability or unworthiness of love and support.

Even after escaping the abusive relationship, the effects of gaslighting can linger. The victim may continue to harbor doubts about their perceptions and struggle with decision-making. They may also find it challenging to express their emotions, fearing they will be dismissed or invalidated.

Gaslighting can also have serious implications for mental health. The constant self-doubt and confusion can contribute to anxiety, while feelings of hopelessness and low self-esteem may lead to depression. Posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and codependency are additional common outcomes.

Survivors of gaslighting may find it difficult to trust others, remaining on high alert for signs of further manipulation. They may blame themselves for not recognizing the gaslighting sooner, leading to a reluctance to show vulnerability in future relationships, which can strain their interpersonal connections.

7 Signs of Gaslighting:

1. Denying Reality: The gaslighter denies facts or events, causing the victim to question their own perception of reality. Gaslighter may deny making promises to avoid responsibility. "“What are you talking about? I never promised you that"

2. Misnaming: They downplay the victim's feelings or experiences, making them feel insignificant or irrational.

3. Blame-shifting: Gaslighters deflect responsibility for their actions by blaming the victim or others, further undermining their confidence.

4. Withholding: Gaslighters Refuse to listen to any concerns or pretending not to understand them. like “I don’t have time to listen to this nonsense. You’re not making any sense.”

5. Blocking/Diverting: Gaslighters changes the subject and/or questions the victim’s thoughts. “Is that another crazy idea you got from [friend/family member]?” or “You’re imagining things.”

6. Trivializing: They undermine the victim's accomplishments or values, making them doubt their worth. This tactic can condition a person into believing their emotions are invalid or excessive.

7. Isolating: Gaslighters isolate the victim from their support networks to increase dependency and control.

Read Also: 6 Ways To Respond to a Narcissist's Silent Treatment

Real-life Examples of Gaslighting:

1.  Workplace Gaslighting: A manager consistently undermines an employee's performance, despite evidence of their achievements and contributions.
2. Relationship Gaslighting: A partner repeatedly insists that their significant other is imagining things or being overly sensitive, invalidating their feelings and experiences.
3. Family Gaslighting: A parent denies mistreatment of their child, insisting that the child is misremembering or exaggerating events.

How to Respond to Gaslighting:

1. Trust Your Instincts: Recognize and trust your feelings and intuition, even if they are being questioned by the gaslighter.

2. Seek Support: Reach out to trusted friends, family members, or mental health professionals who can provide validation and perspective.

3. Document Incidents: Keep a record of gaslighting incidents, including dates, details, and any supporting evidence.

4. Set Boundaries: Establish clear boundaries with the gaslighter and assertively communicate your needs and expectations.

5. Practice Self-care: Prioritize self-care activities that promote mental and emotional well-being, such as mindfulness, exercise, and relaxation techniques.

6. Consider Professional Help: If gaslighting occurs in significant relationships or has a severe impact on your mental health, consider seeking therapy or counseling for guidance and support.

7. End the relationship: While it can be difficult, ending the relationship with someone who repeatedly gaslights you is often the most effective way to end the abuse.

Gaslighting is a harmful form of manipulation that can have devastating effects on individuals and undermine their sense of reality, but by recognizing the signs, understanding real-life examples, and implementing effective strategies to respond, victims can reclaim their power and protect their well-being. Remember, you are not alone, and support is available for those navigating this challenging dynamic.

Sources:
1. "Gaslighting: Recognize Manipulative and Emotionally Abusive People - and Break Free" by Stephanie Moulton Sarkis.
2. "The Gaslight Effect: How to Spot and Survive the Hidden Manipulation Others Use to Control Your Life" by Dr. Robin Stern.
3. National Domestic Violence Hotline - Gaslighting: https://www.thehotline.org/resources/gaslighting/
4. Psychology Today - Gaslighting: A Sneaky Kind of Emotional Abuse: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/here-there-and-everywhere/201701/11-warning-signs-gaslighting
5. Mayo Clinic - Gaslighting: Recognize Manipulative Behavior and Break Free: https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/gaslighting/art-20402192
6.goodtherapy.org/blog/psychpedia/gaslighting

1:18:00 PM 0

10 Signs Of Emotional Abuse In a Relationship & How To Deal With It

10 Signs Of Emotional Abuse In a Relationship & How To Deal With It

10 Signs Of Emotional Abuse In a Relationship & How To Deal With It

10 Signs Of Emotional Abuse In a Relationship & How To Deal With It

Being in an emotionally abusive relationship is like being in hell 24/7, lied to, humiliated, and abused day in and day out. The worst part about this tragedy, is when you are made to feel that there is nothing wrong and that you are simply imagining everything.

Emotional abuse involves controlling another person by using emotions to criticize, embarrass, shame, blame, or otherwise manipulate them. While mental or emotional abuse is most common in marital and dating relationships, it can happen in any relationship — including between friends, family members, and co-workers.

In general, an emotionally abusive relationship is when there is a consistent pattern of abusive words and bullying behaviors that lower a person's self-esteem and undermine their mental health. The abuser's goal is to influence and control his victim's emotions, objective reasoning, and behavior. 

Abuse may be covert and subtle through actions that appear normal and disguised but are clearly deceptive and manipulative. The abuser systematically erodes your self-confidence, perception, and self-worth through subtle hints, lies, blame, accusation, and denial.

The abuser reinforces your feelings of fear, intimidation, instability, and unpredictability. Through trickery and sarcasm, they will steadily push you over the edge until you explode into a rage, and then you become the "bad guy" who gives them the ammunition they need to justify their hurtful actions towards you.

If you are experiencing any of the following 10 things, you are in an emotionally abusive relationship. 

1. Accusation and blame. 

When the abusive party blames you for problems or shortcomings in your relationship. You find him/her saying things, like, "It's your fault." What's wrong with you?" "You're in charge." "You're not doing enough.

2. Withholding.

Withholding is when he/she refuses to listen to you or your concerns or feelings, or ignores your questions, or they may withhold eye contact and give you the "silent treatment." You may feel this person is punishing you for things you know nothing about! Thy may refuse to provide you with information about where they are going, or about financial resources and bank accounts. They withholds approval, appreciation, affection, information, thoughts, and feelings to devalue and control you. 

3. Blocking and diverting. 

This happens when they refuse to discuss an issue or interrupting the conversation inappropriately. Pretend to watch TV or leave the room during a conversation. They criticize you in such a way that you defend yourself and losing sight of the original conversation.

4. Countering. 

When an abuser rejects or opposes your ideas or invalidates your perceptions or experience of life itself. No matter what you say, they will use contradictory arguments to frustrate and tire you out. The inconvenient truth here is that their goal is to "spoil the moment". And if I say, "It's a beautiful day," he'll say, "What's so great about that, bad weather." If you say you like sushi, he'll say, "Are you kidding, parasites will hurt you."

5. Denial. 

The abusive person will deny their experience of abusing you. They'll tell you that you're overly sensitive, that you fantasize about things that aren't true, or that you make up things that make you unhappy. It distorts the truth and distorts your reality, causing you to mistrust your perception and the reality of his abuse.

6. Underestimating humor.

Sarcasm is a type of passive aggression in which the abuser disguises his/her lack of self-esteem or their inability to directly express their negative feelings. Verbal abuse is often disguised as jokes. Your abuser teases, taunts, and insults you with sarcastic remarks about your appearance, personality, abilities, and values. They make fun of you in front of your friends and family because he knows you'll avoid confrontation in public. If you ask them to stop, they tell you that you're too sensitive or you can't joke around.

7. Crazy-Making. 

They use a mixture of distortion, blame, forgetting, stonewalling, and denial to confuse, frustrate, and drive you to the brink of madness. they deny the truth and twists or distorts your words and puts you in the position of self-defense. they want you to doubt yourself, your reality, and your ability to think. 

Over time, you will find yourself forgetting and not remembering events and dates. You will find that you are so confused that you question the veracity of your version of events.

Related Article: 7 Things You Should Never Do When You're Around Toxic People

8. Judgment and criticism. 

We often use criticism as a form of self-protection. It is much easier to piss off our partner by telling them that they are the cause of the problems than to let go of the armor of criticism and say, “My needs are not being met. Criticizing your partner for expressing a complaint the latter is about a specific issue, while criticism is attacking your partner's personality. 

In emotionally abusive relationships, your partner will criticize you harshly and unfairly, and then describe his behavior as "constructive" criticism. And if you object, they will tell you that he/she is only out to help you by making you feel irresponsible and guilty.

9. Undermining.

At this phase, they will break promises and fails to follow through on agreements. It belittles your efforts, interests, hobbies, achievements, and interests. He/she underestimates your ideas and suggestions. If you suggest a restaurant or vacation destination, he says, "The food sucks at that place!" and “Why do you want to go to this place? It's only a tourist trap!”

10. Forgetting. 

In this tactic, he/she will "intentionally" forget the things that matter to you or the tasks you assign him to, forget to pay bills, or miss attending an event or doctor's appointment with you. It is a type of "passive aggression" where people act in this way because they are afraid of losing control, because they feel insecure, or because they lack self-esteem. They may do this to cope with stress, anxiety, depression, or insecurity, or to deal with rejection or conflict directly. Alternatively, they may be intentionally forgetful because they have a grudge against a colleague or feel unappreciated and unable to directly express their negative feelings.

In the end, you will lose confidence in yourself and your ideas. Your self-esteem will be affected, and you will become in a state of constant fear and reluctance to present your ideas or express your convictions for fear of being criticized or ridiculed.

How do you deal with emotional abuse

1- Be aware of the signs of emotional abuse. 

Emotional abuse aims to make you feel small and strip you of your independence and self-worth. Your partner may make you feel isolated, or they may resort to intimidating or controlling behavior. While your partner may not use physical force, they may threaten violence. 

Also, your partner may limit your freedom, insult you, and belittle you, your family, or your profession. Emotionally abusive behavior patterns can also extend to controlling financial resources, monitoring you, and spying on you.

2- Control your feelings and reactions. 

Abusers are manipulative people par excellence, and they may provoke you to the point of breaking down, and then blame you for everything you might do later on. While it may be difficult to rein in your temper, remember that it is a trap, and you may be the one to suffer the consequences. Even when provoked. Try to control your impulses by temporarily turning away or taking deep breaths.

3- Take care of yourself.

Don't let them control your mind. Remind yourself that the abuse was not your fault and don't take it personally. No one deserves to be mistreated in any capacity, remind yourself that you don't deserve to be treated as such. Find some ways and self-care activities that can help you be happier, less stressed, and more confident in yourself.

Keep journaling, go for a walk, and engage in activities that you find enjoyable, such as drawing, walking, or participating in a sports activity.

4- Ask for support. 

Victims of emotional abuse are often reluctant to seek help or tell friends and family about their relationship concerns because they fear not being believed or taken seriously. Trust your friends and family members and ask for their support. Tell them what's going on and that you'd like to help, but don't become isolated, embarrassed, or afraid of their reaction. 

You can also contact a professional to help you deal with any feelings of depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress or anger. A therapist can help you deal with the situation, overcome the difficult feelings you may have, organize your thoughts, and regain your confidence in order to make the right decision.

5- Know when to say goodbye. 

Sometimes, relationships are toxic and unsalvageable. For your own sake and for the sake of your mental health, try very hard to realize as early as possible whether or not this relationship is worth working on. Remember that the person who abuses you is unlikely to change.

Don't allow yourself to cling to the relationship because you're afraid of letting go. Remind yourself of all the pain this person has caused you, and that you better stay away from them. It may be hard to imagine your life without the relationship, but you deserve to be treated with more respect. 

Don't let the abuse continue or make excuses for your partner's behavior. Just think about the obstacles that stand in the way of making the right decision and how to deal with them.

2:54:00 PM 0

7 Things You Should Never Do When You're Around Toxic People

7 Things You Should Never Do When You're Around Toxic People

7 Things You Should Never Do When You're Around Toxic People

7 Things You Should Never Do When You're Around Toxic People

Are you tired of dealing with negative, toxic people in your life? It can be a challenge to navigate these relationships without compromising your own well-being. If you have a hard time dealing with someone in your life, it’s helpful to start by pinpointing problematic behaviors, rather than simply labeling them as being toxic. That's why we've compiled a list of seven things you should never do when you're around toxic people. From avoiding arguments to setting boundaries, our tips will help you stay sane and centered when dealing with negativity. So, sit back, grab a cup of tea, and let's dive into the world of toxic relationships together!

What is a toxic person?

A toxic person is someone who is anyone whose behavior adds negativity and upset to your life. They are often critical, judgmental, and destructive. They may be manipulative or have a victim mentality. Toxic people can be difficult to be around and can drain your energy. It is important to protect yourself from these types of people.

Toxicity in people isn’t considered a mental disorder. But there could be underlying mental problems that cause someone to act in toxic ways, including a personality disorder.

What are the signs of a toxic relationship?

There are many signs that can indicate you are in a toxic relationship. 

• If you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around your partner.
• If you constantly feel manipulated, controlled, or belittled.
• Feeling isolated from friends and family,
• Having your self-esteem gradually eroded,
• You keep waiting/hoping for them to change.
• Your partner is constantly stonewalling you.
• You often feel worse when you’re with them.
• Your partner is always offering "constructive criticism"…even when you don’t ask.
• Always making excuses for your partner's bad behavior.

If you are in a toxic relationship, it is important to seek help from a trusted friend or family member, or from a professional counselor or therapist.

Here're 7 Things You Should Never Do When You're Around Toxic People.

It can be easy to get caught up in the drama of toxic people. They may be friends, family, or co-workers, but they always seem to bring negativity, toxicity into your life. Here are some things you should never do when you are around toxic people:

1. Don't engage in gossip. 

Gossiping about others is a favorite pastime of toxic people. They love to tear others down and make themselves feel better in the process. If you engage in gossip with them, you are just as guilty as they are.

2. Don't give them attention. 

Toxic people thrive on attention, whether it is positive or negative. By giving them your attention, you are only feeding their ego. Ignoring them is the best way to deal with them.

3. Don't let them control you. 

Toxic people often try to control those around them. They may do this through manipulation, guilt, or intimidation. Don't let them have power over you and don't allow yourself to be controlled by their negativity.

4. Don't take their bait. 

Toxic people love to argue and debate just for the sake of arguing. They will often try to bait you into an argument so they can feel superior and have the upper hand. Just walk away and don't take the bait!

5. Don't put up with their BS. 

Toxic people will often say or do hurtful things without any regard for how it makes you feel. They may call you names, put you down, or insist on telling you all of their secrets. If you allow this behavior, you are only rewarding them. Stand up to them and tell them how you feel.

Read Also: 6 Steps To Get Out Of A Toxic Relationship

6. Don't get drawn in.

It can be tough to deal with someone's toxic behaviors. The person may always have something to say about how others are being treated unfairly, or they may even accuse you of doing them wrong or not caring about their needs.

Avoid the urge to join in their whining or come up with excuses to justify yourself. Instead, say, "I'm sorry you feel that way," and then end the conversation there.

7. Don’t get personal

It's better to keep interactions with the other person superficial. “Be clear about how you are and aren’t willing to engage,” 

Toxic behavior can involve gossiping, oversharing personal details, or using personal information to provoke reactions.

If you know someone who does these things, keep your conversations light and insignificant. Shut down attempts at prying or oversharing with, “Actually, I prefer not to talk about my relationship at work.”

When you can’t avoid the person

You still have options if you are unable to entirely avoid or reduce the amount of time you spend with someone.

Set boundaries.

Boundaries are necessary, determining what you will and won't tolerate is a necessary step in setting boundaries. Maintain these boundaries and make sure they are understood.

Perhaps you don't mind hearing your coworker's dramatic story, even those that are blatantly made up. However, you have a limit for verbal abuse or rumors.

Say, "Like I said, I'm not interested in this type of conversation," when they start making fun of a different coworker. If you can, attempt to leave the room or try wearing headphones.

 Have an Exit Plan

" will deter enquiring or oversharing.

You could be concerned that leaving sounds impolite if you're in a poisonous conversation and can't see a way out, especially if you're speaking to a supervisor.

But you can certainly go in a respectful manner. If it helps, think about creating a few ready-made sentences that you can use when necessary.

Consult a therapist.

If you must continue to be in contact with the person, think about seeking a mental health professional's assistance. Therapists are skilled at guiding clients through such challenges and can provide compassionate, judgement-free support tailored to your needs.

Change your routine.

Are you constantly interrupted when studying or delayed on your way to work by a family member? Perhaps one of the coworkers often complains during lunch about how poorly everyone treats them.

Ideally, they'd abide by the boundaries you impose, but this isn't always the case. Even if it might not seem fair that you are the one who has to make a change, it's frequently worthwhile for your personal wellbeing.

Changing your routine can help you avoid getting sucked into conversations you'd rather skip. Try eating lunch somewhere by the break room, wearing headphones, or reading a book. Avoiding family members may be more difficult. Try to have a respectful but firm conversation about the need to focus on your studies. If you're on your way out, practice the quick exit strategy: "Sorry, I'm late!"

11:13:00 PM 0

7 Subtle Signs OF Manipulation In Relationships

7 Subtle Signs OF Manipulation In Relationships

7 Subtle Signs OF Manipulation In Relationships

7 Subtle Signs OF  Manipulation In Relationships

Manipulative people use mental distortion and emotional manipulation to influence and control their victims. Thus, their goal is to have power and control over others to get what they want. 

The person who is manipulating you knows your weaknesses very well and will use them against you. 

On the other hand, if you are dealing with a chronically manipulative person. Recognizing signs of manipulation in your relationship can be difficult because it may have started up subtle. Over time, manipulative behavior in relationships can become a daily dynamic with your partner.

Manipulation in relationships?

Manipulators exploit and control the people around them in various ways to serve their needs and goals. An example of relationship manipulation is that they don't give you a direct answer, sometimes because they don't know any other way to communicate or to hide the truth from you.

Or when you choose to do something, the person does not agree with, they recruit members of your family or friends to persuade you out of it

Also, narcissists, for example, are manipulative because they are self-centered and have excessive self-love that makes them feel no empathy for those around them. Of course, they also want to achieve their goals of being the center of attention and getting what they want in life even at the expense of others.
Moreover, signs of manipulation can be subtle, especially if they are surrounded by emotion. Either way, whether it's overt or subtle forms of manipulation, you're still forced to feel or do something you don't want to.

What is manipulation? 

Manipulation is coercive or immoral behavior motivated with the aim of exploiting or controlling another person for personal gain. Manipulation can happen to anyone in all kinds of relationships, from friends and romantic partnerships to parenting and family relationships. Even co-workers and your boss may have manipulative tendencies.

Taylor Dragen, a professional marriage and family counselor and therapist, explains that manipulation "can be a very effective way to get what you want, but it can also be very dangerous." He adds, "If someone can manipulate you, they can control your actions and thoughts. So it is important to be aware of the signs of manipulation so that you can protect yourself from this type of abuse."

How do you notice the traits of a manipulator? 

You may not always be able to easily identify examples of relationship manipulation because they can be confusing and indirect. Manipulative people may seem friendly and charming on the surface, but deep down, there is a dark motive that drives them to manipulate you. If you feel confused, guilty, or physically abused, you may be in a relationship with a manipulative person.

7 signs of manipulative behavior in relationships

1. Passive aggression 

Passive aggression is behavior that is indirectly aggressive rather than directly aggressive. Passive-aggressive people often show resistance to the demands of other individuals by procrastinating, expressing sadness, or acting stubbornly.

One frustrating example of passive aggression manipulation in relationships is when people don't say what they mean. Instead, they will just stay silent and stare at you, making you try to guess what's wrong. Other passive-aggressive manipulative linguistic examples include saying "I'm fine" with drooling facial expressions or saying "Thank you" for not helping me. Basically, you will find that this person has negative feelings that they cannot or do not want to share openly.

2. Using anger and intimidation 

Emotions are the best way to control and manipulate others. Most of us like to think, using logic and reason to make decisions. However, we also need emotions. Furthermore, many of us don't learn how to manage our emotions, so we become easy targets for manipulation. through the use of intimidation. Feelings of dread and anxiety are instilled in you through by using looks, actions, gestures. Smashing or destroying things. Destroying or confiscating your property such as your mobile phone.

Anger and intimidation are obvious examples of relationship manipulation because they make us nervous and freeze over from potential fear. So we want to do everything we can to stay safe. And this is what the manipulator wants.

3. Play the victim 

When playing the victim, the manipulative person will refuse to take responsibility for the circumstances they are going through. Instead, they points the finger at others to feel guilty, or simply ignores his role in perpetuating the problem.

The person playing the victim also likes to hold on to old grievances. Thus making others feel bad about their actions. Such people carry these things like weapons, just in case anyone tries to hold them responsible for something. The victim will bring up old memories and the events in which he may have been harmed, to use as compelling reasons for not being able to make changes to his situation, life, or circumstances in the present.

4. Guilt trips

Guilt tripping is an indirect approach to communication. It can be a powerful weapon, and many people know how to use it skillfully. Guilt behaviors often appear in intimate relationships - think of romantic partnerships, friendships, professional relationships, or family relationships, and guilt trips are effectively present behavior.

in other words , Guilt trips can arise in any relationship in which you care about the feelings of the other person and have an emotional bond with them. People often use guilt to express frustration or annoyance, usually when something prevents them from coming out and saying exactly how they feel. Or they may feel guilty if they have difficulty communicating assertively and directly expressing their needs.

5. Focus on your fears 

Emotional manipulators in relationships know how to use your doubts and fears against you. So, when you worry about not being good enough in the relationship, they will reinforce it by telling you that you always fall short in your duties towards them or they put terms, restrictions, or rules on the giving of their love.

The idea is that you feel bad about yourself, and so you give in to their demands in the hope that you will feel better when they express their satisfaction with you. This is just one example of relationship manipulation and over time, you will feel worse because you keep sacrificing your own needs, succumbing to feelings of inadequacy and guilt that are constantly instilled in you.

Read Also : 5 Effective Ways To Handle & Respond To The Silent Treatment

6. Love bombing 

Love bombing is manipulation through excessive attention especially in the beginning of a relationship, and you are often showered with gifts, compliments, affection and time. These things may be wonderful, but they can also be confusing. However, love bombing is when that excessive attention is so exhilarating, and takes all of your attention.

"Once you are 'addicted' to this attention, it will suddenly stop, and it will make you panicked to seek it out or chase it back to get that excessive interest back in." And thus you find your feet slip into the trap of control and manipulation , and you will have to do anything in order to restore this false love again, no matter what it costs you.

7- Projection

Projection occurs when someone claims that the emotions they are feeling - such as jealousy - are actually experienced by another person. For example, a person with manipulative tendencies may cause tension and drama, but blame someone else for creating that energy.

Maggie Holland, a licensed counselor in Washington State, explains that projection helps the manipulative person evade responsibility for their actions and helps them avoid changing their behaviors. “But it can also erode your confidence in your reality,” she adds, especially when you believe these accusations and every time you have to defend yourself to ward off those accusations.

2:01:00 PM 0

5 Effective Ways To Handle & Respond To The Silent Treatment

5 Effective Ways To Handle & Respond To The Silent Treatment

5 Effective Ways To Handle & Respond To The Silent Treatment

5 Effective Ways To Handle & Respond To The Silent Treatment

Have you ever been on the receiving end of the silent treatment or experienced what is called punitive silence? Or maybe you did it with someone else. Either way, whether you are the one causing the abusive behavior or the receiving party, you are aware of these socially unacceptable forms of abuse.

What is the silent treatment?

The silent treatment is a refusal to communicate verbally with another person. or even refuse to acknowledge the presence of the other person. Its  a manipulative technique designed to control another person's behavior with silence. It includes the following: Refuse to talk to someone Block his phone number Ban him on social media Ignore him personally Avoid any interaction with him Suddenly disappearing from someone's life without explanation.

The silent treatment can occur in romantic relationships or any type of relationship, including between parents, children, friends, and co-workers. 

The silent treatment can also be part of a broader pattern of emotional control or abuse. When it is used regularly as a power game, it can make you feel rejected or excluded. Thus, this can have a huge impact on your self-esteem. 

We have all dealt with someone with silence at some point in our lives. You may have found yourself getting so hurt by a friend that you haven't been able to talk to them for a while. Or maybe you were upset with your husband's behavior so you decided to calm down for a while. It's okay if you need some time to "relax" as long as you express it clearly and without manipulation or ill-will.

But intentional and long-term silent treatment is a form of social excluding that can cause severe emotional and even physical harm. It is a form of punishment and is usually used by toxic or narcissistic individuals for the purpose of establishing control. So let's take a closer look at what happens when someone treats us with punitive silence.

Is silent treatment an abuse?

The silent treatment is one of the worst forms of emotional abuse. It is also referred to as "mental killing" because the person giving you the silent treatment is "killing you" in their mind. They acts as if you weren't there, causing you a lot of pain. Research shows that our brains are designed to search for connections and connect. We thrive when we have a number of good and meaningful relationships. So when we face social ostracism in the form of silent treatment, it causes us a lot of anxiety and distress

Silent treatment, even if only for a short time, activates the anterior cingulate cortex - the part of the brain that detects physical pain, says Kipling Williams, professor of psychology at Purdue University. Notably, the initial pain is the same, regardless of whether this exclusion was made by strangers, close friends, or enemies. So the silent treatment is literally like suffering from physical pain. Think about that the next time you're ignorant of someone

According to medicalnewstoday, A person may be using silence in an abusive way if:

• they intend to hurt another person with their silence
• the silence lasts for extended periods of time
• the silence only ends when they decide it does
• they talk to other people but not to their partner
• they seek alliances from others
• they use silence to blame their partner and make them feel guilty
• they use silence to manipulate or “improve” their partner, or to pressure them to change their behavior

Who use the silent treatment? 

The usual use of the silent treatment is traits of two groups of individuals: 

• People with unhealthy communication skills.
• People who have narcissistic, toxic, and passive-aggressive personalities. 

People who find it difficult to communicate due to their poor emotional maturity learn to treat people silently as a form of punishment. These people usually react out of their egos, which means that they believe in the correctness of their position and become rigid with their opinions, beliefs, and/or experience.

On the other hand, those who have insufficient communication skills have no means of expressing pain or anger other than withdrawing and being silent. So, It is possible that they are re-enacting the communication patterns observed or acquired in their original families. Perhaps, when they were children, they were ignored or excluded when they misbehaved. Or you know that when you treat someone silently, you control the other person and get what you want. Even after they become adults, they continue to resort to the silent treatment every time they feel hurt, threatened, or rejected because they have no other coping skills.

In addition, the silent treatment, from their point of view, has many benefits. Unlike other types of abusive behavior, which is easy to reject. A person can pretend that they just need to "think" or "be alone", and that's why they ignore you. But if so, wouldn't they tell you that before they decided to cut off contact with you? But they
didn't do it because they wanted you to suffer. As if it was a punishment for you.

Silent treatment and the narcissistic personality

The silent treatment is a consistent behavior that is also typical of abusive relationships with a narcissist, sociopath, or other dominant type. In this context, the silent treatment is almost always a control tactic aimed at destroying you, devaluing your self-confidence, or undermining your self-esteem.

For example, when you confronted your narcissistic friend about something. He was acting angry and a complete rejection of your feelings and fears. All he had to say was a lot of terrible things, and then left, shutting the door hard on his way out. You find yourself immersed in feelings of shock and bewilderment.

What did you do wrong? Aren't your thoughts and feelings important to him? Maybe he misunderstood you. So when you try to reach him to explain your point of view or justify your position. You find that he does not answer your calls or messages. In fact, you cannot access it by any means. A week passes. Then another. Silence is still camping on the relationship. Finally, when you decided to swallow your pride and apologize to him personally. And once you do that, it reopens the channels of communication again, perhaps after imposing new terms on you.

So the scheme succeeded and he got exactly what he wanted.

• First, he punished you for challenging him, so you'll think a lot before you do it again.
• Second, he made you beg for forgiveness even when you did nothing wrong! 
• Third, establish his dominance over you. 

This behavior is indicative of emotional abuse. It can make you feel worthless, and unloved. It can also put you in a state of mental agony, where you will have to do anything to break the siege of this silent treatment. It is unfortunately designed to be on your knees, so that you crawling back into the narcissist, you do not think about what is right and what is wrong. You just want the pain to stop and the silence to go away.

Also, narcissists excellent at identifying people's flaws and weaknesses, thus they are adept at knowing precisely which buttons to press to provoke a response from a target. Now, these slippery snakes will do everything in their power to drive their prey to the brink of hatred and anger before intensifying their grip on them. They will then start to guilt-trip their victim and act as though they are truly wounded by their behavior once they have gotten the explosive reaction they were after. They are excellent actors. This is a tried-and-true psychological trick that con artists use to make their prey feel bad about their outbursts. Additionally, in the majority of situations, it just serves to increase their determination to appease their abuser. Meaning it only reinforces the cycle of abuse.

How do you respond to the silent treatment? 

The previous example with a narcissist shows that whoever gives you the silent treatment wants to intentionally cause you emotional pain so that you feel guilt, shame, confusion, and fear. They also wants you to chase after them and beg them to reconnect with you. Unfortunately, the silent treatment often works as intended because for the victim it is unbearable, and people will do anything to stop it. Also, if you are dealing with an abusive partner (not just someone who is emotionally immature), you are all set up to fight for some emotion. So it is difficult for you to bear the silent treatment.

Here're 5 Effective Ways To Handle & Respond To The Silent Treatment

1- Name the situation:  Acknowledge that someone is using the silent treatment. As much as there will be times when you need to be the big-hearted person and apologize first. But when someone gives you the silent treatment, you're in the wrong place. If the person is clearly ignoring you without giving any verbal explanation or warning that they need a break to calm things down, this is emotional abuse.

2- Ignore Them: Trying to communicate with this person despite his refusal to respond to you will hurt you more and allow the harmful person to control you more and destroy your will. So, you need to back off and do not try to appease him/her in order to reconnect with you, or try to explain your situation, or apologize for a mistake you did not commit. Because if you do, it will encourage him/her to repeat this abusive behavior with you over and over again. Because now they know it will work like a charm.

3- Invest in Yourself: Do not let this silent treatment take over your thinking and make you confused and frustrated, or paralyze and freeze your daily life as if life had stopped when they gone. It end you sitting in a dark room and staring at his picture every night crying so hard that you fall asleep.  on the contrary, start a new project, spend time with friends, go out, go on a journey that you have always wanted Do it or pursue a passion that the relationship forced you to neglect. The important thing is to use every moment of this time that is supposed to destroy you and undermine your will, to enhance your self-confidence and increase your self-awareness.

4- Set A Firm Boundaries : when they reappear (which will inevitably happen) and act as if nothing had happened, talk to them. Make it clear that the next time they use this behavior against you, you won't let them come back into your life. You will not tolerate anything that undermines your sense of respect. State exactly what’ll happen when boundaries are crossed, and follow through when yours are crossed. If there’s no hope that the other person will change, consider leaving the relationship.

5- Seeking for help:  It is very important when subjected to the silent treatment to do the following: Keep in touch with your family and friends Talking with a trusted professional, such as a domestic violence therapist or attorney, who can discuss the person's options about a psychologically and legally appropriate response

Read Also:   7 Warning Signs Of Gaslighing In Relationship

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8 Warning Signs Of A Toxic Person And How To Deal With Them

8 Warning Signs Of A Toxic Person And How To Deal With Them

8 Warning Signs Of  A Toxic Person And How To Deal With Them

Do you know in your relationship circles someone described as a toxic person? Does someone in your life constantly leave you feeling confused, frustrated, or guilty? If so, you've probably dealt with a toxic person or at some point in your life, you must have come across someone who fits that description.

In human behavior, the word "toxic" is used to describe someone who causes distress,harm to others through negative words and actions. However, it is not always easy to identify a toxic person, as their behaviors can be subtle. For example, you may have someone in your life who repeatedly causes you confusion, anxiety, and stress, but you're not sure why. 

So, how do you know if someone is "toxic"? And how can you cope? Here are some tips for recognizing toxic behavior and how to deal with it.

Toxic people: They are those people who make us feel bad about ourselves. When we spend time with them, these people have toxic effects on every aspect of our lives. 

According to Mental Health America, 84% of women and 75% of men have reported having a toxic friend at some point. And about three-quarters of American employees have or have had a toxic boss. So it is important that we begin to get to know these people and set boundaries with them to improve our mental and physical health.

8 Traits Of Toxic People: 

1- Manipulation: 

Toxic people take advantage of  being closed to you and knowing your weaknesses in order to try to persuade you to do what they want. They often distort your words or make you feel guilty to get what they want. They may use other people as the clergy to pressure you. 

2- Pre-judging Others:

Everyone can make judgments from time to time, but a toxic person makes judgments almost all of the time. They sees things only in black and white and criticizes anything they does not agree with or agree with, rather than consider other people's circumstances or feelings.

3-  Playing The blame game:

A person with toxic traits will not apologize for the painful situations they put you in. He/She always finds ways to make you accountable for his/her actions and to shirk responsibility.
“Look at what you made me do” “You are the reason we got there” 

Blaming the partner is motivated by incitement to certain behavior or as a motive and justification behind any violence or wrong behavior, rather than taking responsibility for the violence.

4. They Don't Respect Your Boundaries:

Another sign of a toxic person is a lack of respect for boundaries. If you are clear with someone over and over again about your needs, behaviors or expectations, and they can't accept or respect your boundaries, they are toxic. Healthy relationships are built on understanding and the ability to respect boundaries. Toxic people always dodge in order to gain benefits and take advantage of others.

Read Also:   5 Reasons Why Empaths Attract Toxic People 

5- They never say sorry:

They see no reason to apologize, because things are almost always the result of someone else's fault. In many cases, although they try to organize relationships to serve their own ends and interests, they try to gain sympathy and attention by claiming a "victim" status.

6- Passive aggression: 

These behaviors are a way toxic people express their dissatisfaction without making a direct statement about their problems or how they feel about you. This type of hostility is less visible than stated anger, and it can be shown in a number of different ways. Some forms of passive aggression include vile comments, sabotaging other people's efforts, making fun of others or not doing something to make things uncomfortable for someone, belittle them, or make sarcastic jokes against them.

7- Controlling Behaviors: 

One of the most dangerous traits of a toxic person is the constant pursuit of controlling behavior and controlling all aspects of the relationship. They may try to restrict you from contacting your friends or family, isolate you from the world, control your finances, or prevent you from continuing your studies, restricting your ability to interact with the world around you. THEY ALWAYS NEEDS EVERYTHING TO BE UNDER THEIR CONTROL.

8- Selfish:

Toxic people mostly care about themselves. They don't think about how their actions affect others and think they are better than anyone else. The self-centered person is focused on getting what he/she wants and is unlikely to compromise or take into account another person's point of view or needs. They always wants you to be busy serving them and fulfilling their desires and not paying attention to yourself or taking care of yourself.

How To Deal With A Toxic People:

If you become aware that you are in a relationship in which you are exposed to toxic behaviors, there are ways you can reduce the impact of these behaviors on your mental health and well-being.

1- Setting a clear boundaries. 

Even if it makes you fell guilty when dealing with toxic behavior, setting boundaries is crucial. The challenge is to eliminate the guilt and exercise the right to self-determination necessary to set and adhere to appropriate boundaries. 

For example, if the toxicity is from a parent, you may feel guilty if you set boundaries with them - even if it is in your best interest. Reluctance to set boundaries may also stem from fear of the person's reaction, especially if they are using tantrums to manipulate the outcome of the situation. 

However, maintaining clear boundaries on what you will or will not do is a necessary step toward moving forward and recovering from your toxicity. Although this step may create feelings of guilt, it is helpful to remember that you are not harming anyone and that you are doing what it takes to protect yourself from abuse and manipulation.

2- Avoid being drawn into drama. 

The common denominator in toxic behavior is drama, which can seem to creep into every aspect of their lives. Even going to the grocery store can lead to a situation where something negative happens to them - and it's never their fault.

Some toxic people attract drama. An endless series of problems. And of course, once you solve one problem, another appears. They only want your sympathy and your feelings - but not your advice! You want to offer help and solutions, but they don't seem to want to fix anything. Instead, they complain and complain.

In a relationship, you find drama magnets thrive in crises by mastering the role of the victim, because it makes them feel important. So watch out, you might one day become part of the drama.

3- Talk to them about their behavior: 

Sometimes a person who exhibits toxic behavior may not realize that what they are doing or saying is hurting you. If so, consider having a direct conversation about what you're going through. However, some people may have an underlying personality disorder or an untreated mental health condition that may make effective communication difficult. In this case, encouraging them to talk with a mental health professional about your concerns may be more helpful.

4. Resist your urge to fix things for them.

Wanting to help someone else when they are in great difficulty may be especially true when you feel you have good advice that might help fix the situation. However, trying to help can turn into a frustrating cycle of listening and advising with no solution at all. To avoid this, it may help to remember that you are not responsible for other people's problems especially when they don't seem to want to solve their own. And try to stay as uninvolved as possible.

Related: 5 Safety Steps To Get Out Of An Abusive Relationship

5 Limit Your Time Around Them: 

If the relationship is causing you a great deal of stress and hurt, you may want to consider cutting ties and moving on. However, this may not be possible if you share a workplace or the toxic person is a parent. In this case, it's okay to do your best to limit communication, and only engage with them when necessary.

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