9 Signs You're Being Hoovered By A Narcissist
Are you constantly feeling emotionally drained and manipulated in your relationships? Or do you suspect that someone in your life may be a narcissist? Narcissists are known for their ability to suck the life out of those around them, leaving them feeling confused, anxious, and powerless.
"Hoovering" is a term used to describe a manipulative tactic often employed by narcissists to draw their victims back into a relationship or interaction. It's named after the Hoover vacuum cleaner, as the narcissist attempts to "suck" their target back into their target back in. If you're wondering whether you're being hoovered by a narcissist, keep reading to discover 9 telltale signs to watch out for.
The Triggers:
Narcissists are triggered to hoover when they sense a loss of control or attention. This could happen when you try to establish boundaries, move on from the relationship, or when they perceive a threat to their ego. Understanding these triggers is crucial in recognizing if you're being hoovered.
Signs You're Being Hoovered
1. Unexpected & Constant Contact
Do you find that a person who exhibits narcissistic traits is constantly reaching out to you? breaking a period of silence or absence. Whether it's through calls, texts, emails, or social media messages, they always seem to be present in your life. This excessive contact is a common tactic employed by narcissists to keep you hooked and under their control.
2. Love-Bombing
Narcissists are known for their ability to charm and manipulate others. If you find yourself being showered with excessive compliments, gifts, flattery, and expressions of love from someone, be cautious. Love-bombing is a classic hoovering technique used by narcissists to make you feel special and appreciated, only to try to win you back.
3. Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where the narcissist distorts your perception of reality. They might deny past abusive behavior or shift blame onto you to make you doubt your own sanity. If you constantly feel like you're second-guessing yourself and your memories, it could be a sign that you're being hoovered by a narcissist.
4. Guilt Tripping
Narcissists have a tendency to make everything about themselves. They often play the victim and guilt trip others into feeling sorry for them and meeting their demands. If you find yourself always apologizing, constantly feeling guilty, and bending over backwards to accommodate someone's needs, it's a red flag that you're being hoovered by a narcissist.
5. Apologies and Remorse
The narcissist may express remorse for past actions, apologizing for any pain they caused. This can be a tactic to make you believe they have changed or are genuinely sorry. They will tell you how sorry they are and how much they have changed.
They use this tactic to give the illusion of change and convince the victim that things will be different if they return. But they are unlikely to change, and their abuse and manipulation will only resume once they are back in your life.
Read Also: 10 Shocking Things to Expect When You Break Up With A Narcissist
6. Pledges to Change:
A common hoovering strategy involves promises to change their behavior. They may claim to have undergone therapy, self-reflection, or personal growth, making assurances that things will be different this time. They use your aspirations to get something from you in the present, it's called future faking. Tread lightly.
7. Playing the Victim:
Narcissists may play the victim card during hoovering, portraying themselves as misunderstood, mistreated, or unfairly judged. This can be an attempt to evoke sympathy and manipulate your emotions.
8. Triangulation:
Hoovering may involve the narcissist introducing a third party into the situation, such as a new love interest or a mutual acquaintance. This can create jealousy or insecurity, prompting you to re-engage with them.
9. Intermittent Reinforcement
Intermittent reinforcement is a powerful psychological technique that narcissists often employ to keep their targets hooked. It involves alternating between rewards and punishments, creating a sense of uncertainty and dependence. If you find that the person's behavior towards you fluctuates between extreme kindness and cruelty, it's a strong indication of hoovering by a narcissist.
Conclusion
Recognizing the signs of hoovering by a narcissist is the first step towards protecting yourself and breaking free from their toxic grip. Remember, it's not your fault, and you deserve to be treated with respect and kindness. If you resonate with the signs mentioned in this article, it might be time to seek support from a therapist or counselor who can help you navigate through this challenging situation.
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