7 Signs of Covert Narcissist

Most of the time, it is easy to identify the narcissist around you,due to their grandiose and very apparent behavior But there are narcissists who have the same exaggerated motivation for admiration and importance, but it may be difficult to recognize them because they appear in less obvious ways, they are called " Covert Narcissists"

What is a covert narcissist?

Covert narcissism is also called vulnerable narcissism or hypersensitive narcissism. "Covert narcissists feel special because they believe their pain is more important than others',"

In psychology, behaviors are described as either overt or covert. Overt behaviors are easily observed by others and generally well-known as traits of a specific disorder, while covert behaviors can fly under the radar — they are less obvious and perhaps less readily tied to a certain disorder.

As a result, covert narcissists often demonstrate fewer external signs of "classic" NPD. They still meet the criteria for an NPD diagnosis, but may demonstrate traits or behaviors that aren't traditionally prescribed to NPD, like shyness or sensitivity to what others think of them.

Signs of a covert narcissist:

1- Feelings of inadequacy.

Covert narcissists tend to swing back and forth between delusions of grandeur and concerns that they don't match the image of themselves they have in their head. They are obsessed with their success and incredibly touchy about making sure they are always the best, and most beautiful versions of themselves. This can make them hypercritical of themselves and foster extreme feelings of inadequacy.

These feelings of inadequacy can trigger ( shame - anger - a sense of powerlessness )

2- Passive aggression.

Speaking of passive aggression, covert narcissists often aren't outright about their desire to control and dominate others. Instead of being traditionally aggressive like those who demonstrate psychopathic behavior, they tend to be passive aggressive — biting comments, gossip and small slights "behind-the-scenes" tend to be common.

3- High sensitivity to criticism.

Covert narcissists' entire personalities are constructed around their incredibly high sense of self. They are incredibly sensitive to anyone questioning or crumbling that construction, and can react in a volatile way to criticism or any form of feedback.

A total inability to handle criticism is a telltale sign of covert narcissism. The covert narcissist tends to wear their heart on their sleeve, thus often easily wounded. They might then use this offense as a way to get attention from others or present themselves as a victim.

4- Envy.

Narcissists must be the best in all spheres of life. If they're not, they're incredibly uncomfortable. Their envy is deep-rooted and can sometimes result in outward behavior, like searing comments or passive aggressive behavior.

People with covert narcissism may not outwardly discuss these feelings of envy, but they might express bitterness or resentment when they don’t get what they believe they deserve

5- Feelings of depression, anxiety, and emptiness

Covert narcissism involves a high risk of co-occurring depression and anxiety than other types of narcissism.

And the reason behind this behavior , either fear of failure or exposure to situations may contribute to anxiety. So, frustration over idealized expectations not matching up with real life, and the inability to get needed appreciation from others, can trigger feelings of resentment and depression

6- Self-serving ‘empathy’

Contrary to popular belief, it’s possible for people with NPD to at least show empathy. But they spend so much time trying to build up their self-esteem and establish their importance that this often gets in the way

People with covert narcissism, in particular, may seem to have empathy for others. They might seem willing to help others out or take on extra work.

You may see them performing an act of kindness or compassion, such as lending money and preparing unusual food for you, or even participating in an act of charity.

But they generally do these things to win the approval of others. If they don’t receive praise or admiration for their sacrifice, they may feel bitter and resentful and make remarks about how people take advantage and don’t appreciate them.

7- Procrastination and ignoring

Since their need for self-importance predominates, covert narcissists will do whatever they need in order to keep the focus on themselves. Therefore, when an extroverted narcissist pushes you aside or manipulates you to achieve their goal, the covert narcissist is a professional at not recognizing you at all.

He will treat you with a lack of interest or facial expressions that indicate a lack of focus in what you say or change the conversation

How To Deal with Covert Narcissism

1- Don’t take it personally:

"You're never going to win an argument or get to a point where they admit you're right, so learn to let it go." When we are dealing with a narcissist, whether covert or overt, their manipulative behavior can feel very personal. The lack of regard, sense of entitlement, patterns of manipulation, and deceptive behaviors of a narcissist can feel very personal when we are on the receiving end of their ways.

No matter how painful the impact of the behaviors of a narcissist might feel in the moment, it is important to remember that it has nothing to do with you.

The narcissist wants you to take it personally because that is how they maintain leverage. Remember, a narcissist feels small, so they have to make themselves "big" somehow.

2- Setting a healthy boundaries:

Covert narcissists lack empathy, have a strong sense of entitlement and exploit others, boundaries are something that get in the way of their goals. The more you can practice setting boundaries with the narcissist, the more consistently you are conveying to them that their tactics are not working.

Setting boundaries can be very difficult, especially if you have never done that before. Not only is it possibly unfamiliar to you, but setting boundaries with a covert narcissist can be pretty intimidating.

Establish these boundaries, and communicate them clearly: “Please, do not contact me after 6 p.m.; I have a family I need to spend time with after work” or “I am not comfortable with you swearing at me like that; you need to stop.”

Having your boundaries so clearly laid out and in writing, if possible, shows the narcissist that their tactics to control you are not working, and it also means that you can keep track of how many times they have disrespected you and overstepped a line.

Understanding why you are setting particular boundaries can help you have more confidence in establishing them and can keep you on track if a narcissist attempts to violate or disregard your boundaries.

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Ali Mousa Relationship Blogger & writer