6 signs you're Being Hoovered By A Narcissist

6 signs you're Being Hoovered By A Narcissist 

When You've gotten out of an abusive relationship. Promising yourself "never back again ". Suddenly, you get a text, a call, from your abusive Ex after you cutting of contact with him  "I need you," you're the only one who can help me." If You've opened the door for another round of  Abusing Circle , Fake promises . You've been sucked right back in. You've been "hoovered."

What is Hoovering ?

"Hoovering" is an emotional abuse technique used by narcissists and other manipulative personality types to suck their victims back into a relationship with them because they're running low on their narcissistic supply.

If the person being manipulated realizes that they are in a toxic relationship, Then he will try to break up and end this relationship. Often times, the narcissist allows him to do this and gives him time for things to calm down.

When a considerable amount of time passes by, you will likely receive an engaging text from him about how he misses you and how you can fill the void, and that's the trap, where you come back to him like a lousy penny, as you get submerged in his relentless trap.

Narcissist & Hoovering

Narcissists do this only to “suck” their victims back into a relationship with them using fake regrets and empty promises of change, which never happen.

Hoovering is a pathological form of behavior that is often effective because the manipulator knows the victim’s weak spots and how to target these areas. 
Toxic people will claim they have “changed” and want to return to you because they care, but they are simply unrepentant compulsive liars willing to exploit, demean and hurt you some more - or actually, even more horrifically.

This is a punishment for standing up to the abuse, and for going back to it. Sadly, getting sucked back in over the same promises and “repentant” gestures is often a part of the destructive cycle that many victims of emotional as well as physical abuse find so difficult to break away from. However, each time they go back, they experience even more severe incidents of abuse. 

Hoovering is a pathological form of behavior that is often effective because the manipulator knows the victim's weaknesses and how to target those areas. Toxic people will claim that they have "changed" and want to return to you because they really care about you, but they are simply liars, deceitful, unrepentant.

They are willing destroy, demean you, and harm you more - or, in fact, more terrifyingly. They will punish you for standing up to the abuse and force you to return to it.
Sadly, getting sucked back inn the same "repentant" promises and gestures is often part of a abusing cycle that many victims of emotional and physical abuse find extremely difficult to turn away from. However, every time they return, they are subject to more severe incidents of assault.

Why Narcissists Engage in Hoovering ?

Narcissists Hoover To regain a sense of control over you, as they are completely internally empty. They have a pathological fear of feeling insignificant, unlovable, alone or worthless, so they do whatever they can to fill this empty void and sustain their false self-image.

Narcissists are fundamentally addicted to the attention of others. Without attention and control, they starve. When their reservoirs of narcissistic supply run out, they seek to prey off the old “meat” they managed to catch in the past – and that means you. This also means that they usually have many “backups” (e.g. other exes) to feed off when they begin to feel hungry again.

Here’s a look at some of the red flags signs that may indicate someone is hoovering you

1- Repeating repentance

They might act overly apologetic about past events and try to convince you they’ve changed. When used as a hoovering tactic, these apologies are performative and have manipulative undertone

Ask yourself: Do they get upset if you try to shift the conversation? Or ask for more time to think? If so, their “sorry” may not be sincere.

2- Being indirectly manipulative

If they can’t get through to you directly, they will go a different route: your friends, children or other family members. For example, they might try to send you messages through your friends or say something slanderous about you to your family which you’ll then feel the need to correct. When you’ve been hooked, you’ll be lured into confronting them about their lies.

The narcissist may even try to use your children against you. For instance, if your ex has custody of your children, he/she might put the child on the phone asking you to come back home or get them to write letters to you. This is a powerful and highly manipulative hoovering technique.

3- Making Fake accusations

They might also make claims that are designed to provoke you into defending yourself. This gives them a sense of control over your reactions.
For example, if you refuse to answer their texts, they’ll accuse you of dating one of their friends as a way of baiting you into a response.

4- Claiming Weakness and the need for “help”

The narcissist will go to any extent to get your attention and sympathy. Faking the need for help is such a powerful hoovering technique because it preys on our natural tendency to show compassion to others.

The narcissist might send you messages and leave you voice mails telling you that they’re sick, they need your help, they’re desperately in trouble and need you to call them back, or even that they’re going to kill themselves. I’ve heard of narcissists that have gone as far as faking serious illnesses like cancer and heart attacks, just to prey on others and reel them into abusive cycles again. 

5- Pretending like nothing happened.

Suddenly, He showing up at your place of work and asking to drive you back home as if nothing has changed between you is another hoovering tactic.
If you try to sever contact, they’ll continue to harass you by paying unsolicited visits to your home or appearing at important events. They may also text you about their day as if you’re still a couple.

6- Making a false gossip about you

They’ll weaponize drama by spreading false rumors about you to mutual friends and acquaintances. They may try to jeopardize your social life by creating public scenes or sending you texts saying they heard others bad-mouthing you.

In another word,when a person is chronically unwilling to see his or her own shortcomings and uses everything in their power to avoid being held accountable for them. This is known as projection

Here are some of the best ways to end the cycle of narcissistic abuse:

• Stop all possible contact with the person- Change your phone number, email, and social media accounts (or block his/her number)
• Pay attention to the signs that you’re being hoovered and know these hoovering manipulation tactics inside out so that you can identify them when they occur
• Focus on your interests & Learn to love and take care of yourself
• Reach out your support group
• Develop mindfulness so that you can become aware of your emotional triggers

Sources:

healthline.com

healthline.com