5 Guilt -Free Steps To Deal With Gilt Trippers

5 Guilt -Free Steps To Deal With Gilt Trippers

Has someone ever made you feel bad about something you did or didn't do? 
Guilt can be a powerful weapon, and many people know how to use it skillfully. Let's say you tell your best friend that you can't come to their party because you really need to finish a project at work. They answer, "Nobody actually comes. Nobody wants to see me. Why even bother having a party at all? I guess I'll just cancel." In the end, you go, because you don't want them to feel sad and unwilling. They sent you on a guilt trip - and it worked.

Guilt trips are a form of psychological manipulation and covert control used to force people to do something they don't necessarily want to do. Guilt trips damage relationships and can make the person targeted by the manipulation feel not only guilt, but also anger and resentment. Stumbling on guilt is an indirect approach to communication. 

Even when you do nothing wrong, the other person may suggest that the situation is somehow your fault. They explain their unhappiness and leave it to you to find a way to fix the problem. It can also be very effective. If you feel guilty about their suffering, you will likely do what you can to help.

Guilt stumbling blocks healthy communication and conflict resolution, and often provokes feelings of resentment and frustration. What it looks like guilt behaviors often occur in intimate relationships - think romantic partnerships, friendships, professional relationships, or family relationships. In other words, it can arise in any relationship in which you care about the feelings of the other person and have emotional bonds.

People often use guilt to express frustration or annoyance, usually when something prevents them from coming out and saying exactly how they feel. Or they may feel guilty if they have difficulty communicating assertively and directly expressing their needs.

How To Respond?

1- Stop trying to change their need to think badly of you.

If you've always been around someone who makes you feel bad, then maybe the problem isn't you. Perhaps the problem is that the other person needs or wants to make you the bad person. When you're around someone who feels guilty, give up your need to change their opinion of you. Clean it up and go ahead

2- Do not defend yourself.

Don't get caught up in the trap of standing up for yourself with someone who is bent on persecuting you. You could spend countless hours of your life playing a game I'm Not Me! Don't waste your breath. Some people just need to make others wrong, bad, mean and guilty. Instead of being defensive, just say a comment like, maybe you're right; Or, I'm sorry you feel this way; Or I'll think about it a bit. Then walk away. Remember, it takes two to argue.

3- Reduce your time with difficult people.

People who are constantly on the go to wreak havoc and drama in their close relationships aren't really a fun thing to be around with. Why ruin your day by spending so much time with these types of people? Instead of being afraid of time, give yourself limits. Before every meeting with a difficult person, try to set a time limit on how long you will spend with him/her. 

Then stick with your decision, you can also develop an exit strategy. This is a plan to have in case you start feeling pressured to give in to the manipulative person. One thought is that if you find yourself starting to feel fearful, obligated, or guilty (FOG), you know it's time to go.

4- Set your  boundaries.

Setting boundaries is a matter of self-respect. "Boundaries create an expectation," "They put parameters in .Communicating your boundaries means sharing your preferences, desires, limits, and non-negotiable or deal-breakers clearly with others. Simply, it is letting the people in your life know what is ok and what is not ok with you.

How to Set Boundaries with Difficult People:

• Be assertive, not mean or aggressive.
• Practice what you plan to say, but be okay with winging it if you need to.
• Understand that they may have a reaction that is defensive or passive-aggressive.
• Prepare yourself to repeat your boundary because difficult people will test you.
• Try not to take it personally if they have their own agenda for you.

5. Stop trying to win the approval of others.

One of the reasons people who commit guilt offenses are so effective is that most people generally want the approval of others. It is normal for people to want approval, but when dealing with manipulators, it is not wise. In fact, when you find yourself needing a manipulator's approval, you discover that you are losing yourself in the process. Really not worth it. It is better to enjoy the luxury of freedom from needing the approval of others than to give your power to someone else. Say to yourself this motto: I prefer freedom over your consent.

Source:

psychcentral.com/advice-for-coping-with-guilt-trips