6 Tips To Respond To Destructive Criticism

6 Tips To Respond To Destructive Criticism

Nobody likes to be criticized, but some people are better than others at hearing criticism clearly and then using that criticism for their own benefit. Truth: Whether criticism or feedback is destructive or constructive is entirely up to you. If you use it to learn something about yourself or the other person, it is constructive. If you hit yourself on the head with it, it's devastating.

But it is necessary to tame your inner voice to protect yourself from potential harm as a result of others criticizing you. Being surrounded by people who don't support or frustrate you too much can exacerbate your negative self-talk. 

Instead of trying to minimize the impact of criticism, or succumb to it as a fiat accompli, I think you should try to maximize the benefit of it. In other words, you should try to get something out of it. That's what you do.

1.Don’t shut down when exposed to criticism. 

Just because someone calls you by a name they don't like. This does not mean that you automatically accept the other person's comment as an absolute truth. And don't build a case against yourself. Some people, when criticized, let that criticism raise their self-doubt to high alert. A small voice from their negative past begins by saying, "I knew it. I'm not good at it, and I never would." So "Stop!" If you go down that road, it won't help you get better. It will keep you stuck in a deep well of self-doubt.

2. Evaluate the source of criticism.

While some critics really try to be helpful (aka "constructive criticism"), other critics may simply enjoy disappointing others. Criticism sometimes reflects the critic's own mistrust. I had a manager lashing out at his employees whenever senior officials were reviewing his budget. Another common phenomenon is "projection," in which the critic casts his faults on others by making stinging criticisms about things that are not theirs.

Even though you don't really know what another person is thinking, it's easier to take advantage of criticism when you know what's behind the other person's criticism of you.

3. Resist the temptation to fight back when you are criticized. 

It seems natural to stand up for yourself or counterattack when you get criticized, but that doesn't work. You learn nothing and you gain nothing. Don't automatically assume that the other person is mean or harmful. Don't automatically assume it needs correction.

Counterattacks do not help the situation and may only lead to more misunderstanding and congestion, but if you respond correctly to criticism, there is a lot to be gained from criticism. You just have to see criticism as part of your education process. As the poet Robert Frost said, “Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or your confidence.”

4. Listen and ask questions. 

You cannot derive value from criticism if you do not hear it correctly or do not understand what is actually being said. When you are criticized, ignore the voice in your mind that jumps to conclusions about what the criticism means. Instead, listen carefully to the nuances. Repeat what you heard and ask for more details. Make sure you understand exactly what you are being told. The more clearly you understand, the easier it is to evaluate criticism and know how to take appropriate action

5. Clarify the real issue. 

For example, a marital quarrel over which sofa to buy may not be a quarrel over furniture. Most likely, it comes down to who makes the decisions or who are the most important preferences. If you make the mistake of thinking the fight is about furniture, you'll be fighting the same battle next week over dining room chairs. Clarifying the problem may require some real research.

You may need to stop and ask yourself, "Why am I angry or defensive?" Or you may need to ask the person criticizing you how they feel, what led them to criticize you, and how your behavior affects them. Just make sure your illustration takes you to the right place

6. Practice detachment when necessary.

This may mean giving yourself a cool-down period before responding to criticism. A few hours or a few days may give you the time you need to be more objective about the issues while you sort out the truth in your situation. After all, if you respond to criticism by saying a few things that you later regret, you're somewhat stuck. Even if you say you're sorry, the other person will always wonder whether or not you really meant what you said originally.

Detachment doesn't mean you're cold or unfeeling. You only realize that you and the other person are separate people with different feelings and needs. The more you remember it, the easier it is to stay calm and maintain respect for the other person.