Keys To Fix An Unhealthy Marriage

8 Keys To Fix An Unhealthy Marriage

Marriage can be wonderful, but it can also have periods of ups and downs. However, allowing "downtime" periods to take too long can have far-reaching negative effects on any marriage. It is essential for couples to fix their unhappy marriage in time and with lasting solutions.

Couples sometimes go through tough times because two different people with different attitudes, mindsets, ideologies, and life experiences come together to build a life. However, when they can understand their innate differences and find common ground, they are more likely to have a successful marriage.

Marriages can become unhappy for a number of reasons—misunderstanding, betrayal, neglect, miscommunication, the slow accumulation of small disappointments, not knowing how to talk through differences, and the impact of childhood trauma, to name a few. And you may not realize how unhappy both of you are in your marriage, until you are completely immersed in the unhappiness. Until you feel afraid, it is too late. But packing up and leaving is rarely the best option.

Even when they despair of regaining happiness and feeling hopeless, a couple can have reasons to mend an unhappy marriage and survive:

• kids
• fear of financial insecurity
• fear of starting over
• fear of being alone
• poor health of one spouse or a child
• religious reasons
• the stigma of divorce

If divorce is not a desire or an option, how can you fix an unhappy marriage? And if you can, how can you move on to the next step and actually make it better than it ever was? You can probably guess that it will take a lot of time and work. But simply "making time" won't get the job done. You will need a strategy, support system, and commitment to stick to it, even when progress is slow. 

Here are 8 tips on how to fix and improve a broken marriage.

1. Understand what Has Made Your Marriage Feel Broken.

To fix a troubled marriage, couples must first and foremost understand the signs of a troubled marriage. Couples sometimes ignore marital problems or fail to understand the signs. Often one person in a relationship is happy and fulfilled, while the other is silently frustrated and suffering because their needs and expectations are not being met.

Some of the signs of a troubled marriage are lack of trust, lack of intimacy, state of happiness when the husband is away, lack of communication, not having fun anymore, marriage feeling like a chore and a burden, and being apart more. More often than usual. The first step to fixing what's broken is realizing that a marriage is in trouble. You have to be honest about it, and tell your partner that there are really issues in your marriage that need to be fixed

2- Stop causing damage. 

It makes a lot of sense, but you can't flip the train unless you stop it first. You simply have to stop destructive and abusive behaviors and communication errors. Even when you learn how to do what's right, commit to stopping doing what's wrong. Stop initiating arguments. Stop the hostility. Stop blaming, accusing, whining, avoiding, angry, screaming. Stop playing the victim. Just. Stop

3. Be committed to fixing it.

It is important for both spouses to commit to fixing the marriage. If only one person or no one at all has committed to fixing it, but is already set to break up or divorce, the chances of fixing the relationship are greatly diminished. Divorce affects everyone involved in the marriage, including spouses, children, in-laws, and spouses' partners.

The personal and social life of the spouses is affected by the divorce. So if a marriage is worth the savings, the couple should decide early in the divorce process together, commit to fixing problems, and devote themselves to the process of fixing the marriage. They should hold a meeting or series of meetings where these issues are clearly identified, and the commitments made regarding the way forward

4- Make an inventory of what bothers you about your partner. 

This is an important exercise for both of you. When did your misery start? What was happening in your life when you started? What happened since then? Make a list of what your husband does that you don't like. Make a list of what you don't do and need. List what you don't like about your marriage and what you want it to look like. Be honest about how sad you feel in your marriage and how that feeling affects you. How does marital unhappiness affect relationships and other areas of your life—children, work, sex, and health?

List your complaints in order of priority, then read them to each other. Commit ahead of time to be kind and respectful, as your lists will be hard to hear out loud. And remember to actively listen to your wife, just as you want your wife to listen to you. Do your best to resist being defensive.

5- Discuss your feelings clearly with your partner. 

Talking about negative feelings requires a tremendous amount of self-control and self-accountability. It's not free for everyone to blame your spouse. It is a vulnerable, potentially relationship-altering time to take responsibility for your own contributions and specifically demand an understanding of your needs. Be clear, don't be weak.

“I need to share more single time with you during the week....I need more validation of the work I do for our children...I need to feel sexual desire...I need more emotional connection in order to feel sexual.. These are not demands or threats. It is an expression of your needs, their severity, and the potential consequences if they are not met. Remember that both of you will have a role in sharing your feelings and needs. So if you want your partner to respect you, be sure to show respect to your partner too.

6. Practice active listening skills.

The better listening and communication skills we possess, the more prepared we will be to develop healthy, happy, and fulfilling relationships. Listen carefully to your sweetheart and expect the same from them. Refine this skill by:

• Showing genuine interest. Very few people will share their inner thoughts or emotions unless they feel the listener truly cares for them.
• Commenting occasionally. Give brief summary statements as you listen which will assure the individual that you’re listening and understanding their message.
• Reading nonverbal messages. Since the majority of our communication is expressed through nonverbal cues, being able to decipher these signals will benefit your relationship.
• Setting aside your own emotional reaction. In order to listen successfully, it is important to set aside your own emotional reactions and concentrate on comprehending your partner’s message.

7. Break the routine in your married life.

A change of scenery and routine can be an energizing one. In marriage too, routine can lead to boredom and dissatisfaction. Married couples, especially when they have been married for a long time, need to make an effort to break the routine in every aspect of their relationship. Surprise, passion, and passion are ingredients that help break the routine that creates dissatisfaction. Everyone in the relationship needs to do this and think of ways they can create a surprise and show affection towards their spouse.

8. Get Marriage Counseling.

An honest third party can help resolve marriage problems. Free marriage counseling is a good option because it helps solve marriage problems with low cost options. The counselor will be a trained professional who understands the issues from both parties' perspectives and offers a solution. When communication in a marriage ceases, a therapist or counselor helps flush out the communication needed to work through the issues in the relationship.