5 Reasons Why Narcissists Love to Ruin Special Occasions and Holidays

Why would anyone want to ruin a special day that's supposed to be fun for everyone involved? It's as if their behavior resembles a nasty rash that seems to flare up at the most annoying of times. You're about to sit to open presents on wedding anniversary  or you're about to  blow out the candles on your birthday cake, and then boom. 

There the narcissist is, doing what they do best, and ruining everything! Why on earth do they do this!? Once you find out the cause of their behavior surrounding the holidays, it will become easier for you to prepare for it and react to it when it happens. 

Narcissists love to spoil holidays and birthdays because for them celebrations are stress triggers, so they enjoy making others feel worthless - especially on birthdays or holidays. Thus they would love nothing more than to steal joy from a happy or sensitive person. Egocentric people love attention, so destroying others' feelings of warmth or personal satisfaction with the world while celebrating any holiday, birthday, personal celebration, memorial event, or symbolic season like Christmas is their forte. 

So people who grew up in homes run by narcissists, sociopaths, or toxic parents are more aware of the phenomenon of seasonal and holiday abuse.

Why Narcissists Ruin the holidays ?

Here are some common reasons why most narcissists Ruin birthdays and special occasions:

1. Narcissists lack empathy.

Have you ever given someone a birthday or holiday gift and watched with anticipation and excitement when they opened it? Good, that's normal. Narcissists do not find joy in making others happy. As a side bar, narcissists are either great gift givers because giving gifts is a show and a way to make them look good to others, or they make incredibly awful gifts because they just don't care.

Narcissists are not concerned with other people's private things, so they are prone to making special moments memorable for all the wrong reasons. They will disappear, not appear, get drunk, calm down in complete misery, or make the occasion entirely about their needs. Narcissists seek to completely avoid or destroy what should be private memories because they are unable to exercise healthy feelings.

2- They hate obligation. 

Another reason narcissists spoil holidays and special occasions is that they hate commitments. Narcissists look out for themselves completely, and therefore if they feel obligated to meet certain expectations or are disturbed in any way, they will likely cause a tantrum. Narcissists hate doing things to other people. 

The only nice things they do are when they try to manipulate someone so that they can receive more of the narcissistic supply from them. If the narcissist doesn't completely ruin their day by not showing up, avoiding responsibility, or causing a scene, expect them to have the bare minimum — if any.

3- They need constant attention. 

Narcissists need constant validation and attention — and I mean constant. During holidays or on special occasions - unless it is their birthday - their main source of supply is usually diverted from them and to the occasion and others who may participate in the special day or event. Narcissists need any endless amount of supply from their main source of supply and they don't want to be involved. If the narcissist feels as though they have not been given priority, they will do whatever it takes to get attention back to them. For narcissists, any attention is good attention.

4- Narcissists hate intimacy.

Vacations are about intimacy and responsibilities. It's about strengthening bonds and making memories by sharing positive experiences. Unfortunately, narcissists hate building healthy, strong bonds with anyone. Intimacy is something they fear because it requires them to care and take responsibility for others. Intimacy makes them anxious and unable to deal with being vulnerable. As this anxiety triggers the fight-or-flight response, they either run away or spoil the holidays for everyone.

5- Misery is easier.

You may have heard that misery loves companionship. For narcissists, because they often live in a virtual environment of self-loathing, self-pity, and misery, they aspire to bring others to that place, even if subconsciously. Sabotaging the holiday might be something that gives you downright narcissistic joy; Soaking positive energy from the room may be a way to make a covert narcissist feel special. Regardless, it is easier for them to act as a miserable person than to act as a happy person.

How to overcome what a narcissist does to ruin your special occasions?

There is nothing you can do. At least, there is nothing you can do to change the other person. But you have the power to change yourself. Here are some suggestions for overcoming the narcissistic abuse you experience:

1- Look Within. Stop focusing on the other person's behavior and start noticing how you're feeling. I am sure you will notice that you have neither peace nor calm. Notice the negative feelings you're feeling and make a decision to change them. 

 2- Empower yourself. When you notice your unhappiness, think of ways to take care of yourself in the moment. You can walk away and avoid the difficult person completely. go to another room. Stop trying to change it. Remind yourself that you cannot change anyone else, but that you have the power to control your own behavior and choices. 

3- Encourage yourself. Tell yourself that you are a good, amazing person and that you can have a good time no matter what your loved one's problems are. Your life does not depend on someone else's mood (or personality problems for that matter). Tell yourself it's not your fault

4. Remind yourself that the other person is not sane. Personality disorder means "disorder". Your loved one will not act normally because he/she is upset. Stop expecting normal behavior from this person. 

5- Control yourself. Don't let the other person make you crazy, either. Just because you're dealing with a troubled person, doesn't mean you have to go crazy either. Do whatever it takes to get away from whatever is causing you to lose yourself. 

6- Believe in yourself. Don't get caught up in the drama and cognitive dissonance that a narcissist brings to you. If you are feeling down, trust that there is a reason and that you have the right and obligation to respect your feelings and take care of yourself.

7- Don't accept the other person's blame. Narcissists shift blame and display devices. That is, they never own their bad behaviors and always blame them on someone else. In addition, they expose their mistakes to you. For example, when a narcissist tells you that you are selfish, he/she is only telling you what he/she is.

8- Set strong boundaries. Most people with personality disorders hate boundaries. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't have it. Remember that boundaries describe your own behavior, not the other person's. You cannot change anything another person says or does, you can only decide how you will respond. Setting strong boundaries is essential to protect yourself from personal harm. An example of a boundary is making the decision to withdraw from anyone who makes you feel defensive. or  If you think that the narcissist might covertly insult others, then just remove their name from the guest list.

Note that you are not trying to change the other person's behavior; You are just trying to change yourself.