7 Ways To Respond To Narcissists Hoovering

7 Ways To Respond To Narcissists Hoovering

Leaving a toxic relationship with a narcissistic individual is like a kiss of life and a lifeline. However, this doesn't necessarily mean that you are now safe. The narcissistic person won't readily surrender and will seek every possible way to address the injuries caused by your abandoning and regain control over you. Therefore, you must be aware of what you are facing when confronting this malicious person and have a clear plan on how to deal with their malicious schemes.

What is narcissists hoovering?

Narcissistic hoovering refers to a manipulative tactic employed by narcissists to reestablish contact or draw someone back into a relationship or interaction after they have attempted to distance themselves or end the relationship. The term "hoovering" is derived from the Hoover vacuum cleaner, symbolizing the narcissist's attempt to suck the individual back into their orbit.

Why do narcissists hoover?

Narcissists engage in hoovering for various reasons, all of which are rooted in their need for control, validation, and manipulation. Here are some key motivations behind why narcissists resort to hoovering:

• Regaining Control: By reestablishing contact or manipulating emotions, they attempt to assert their dominance and influence over the individual.
• Seeking Narcissistic Supply: Narcissists thrive on attention, admiration, and validation from others, known as narcissistic supply. So, they seek to rekindle the emotional connection and secure a steady stream of admiration and attention.
• Easing Their Insecurities: Hoovering serves as a way to alleviate the deep insecurities lying behind the facade of grandiosity and superiority the narcissists display. by reassuring themselves of their importance and power over others. By pulling someone back into their orbit, they validate their worth and temporarily soothe their inner anxieties.
• Maintaining a Sense of Superiority: Hoovering allows narcissists to reaffirm their sense of superiority and dominance over their targets. By hoovering someone back into a relationship, they assert their perceived superiority and reinforce the imbalance of power in the dynamic.
• Avoiding Abandonment: Narcissists fear abandonment and rejection as it threatens their fragile self-image. Hoovering serves them to prevent abandonment by preemptively pulling someone back and maintain a sense of control and avoid facing their underlying insecurities.

Signs of Narcissist Hoovering:

Constant Contact: They keep reaching out to you, even after you have clearly expressed the need for space or boundaries. As the narcissist is trying to maintain control over you and the situation.

Fake Apologies and Promises: When a narcissist senses that you are pulling away, they may suddenly become apologetic and promise to change. However, these apologies are often empty and serve as a manipulation tactic to draw you back in.

Love-Bombing: One common tactic used in hoovering is love-bombing. This entails showering you with affection, attention, and gifts to create a false sense of security and lure you back into the relationship.

Gaslighting: Narcissists use gaslighting to manipulate your perception of reality to make you question your own sanity. During hoovering, they may gaslight you by denying past abusive behavior or making you feel guilty for setting boundaries.

Playing the Victim: Narcissists may portray themselves as the one who has been wronged and paint you as the villain, in an effort to elicit sympathy and make you feel guilty for distancing yourself.

Triangulation: Narcissists often use triangulation to create jealousy and insecurity. During hoovering, they may bring up a new romantic interest or make you believe that they have moved on, in an attempt to make you feel replaceable and trigger your fear of abandonment.

Intermittent Reinforcement: Hoovering is often accompanied by intermittent reinforcement, where the narcissist alternates between love and abuse. This creates a cycle of highs and lows, keeping you emotionally invested and dependent on their approval.

Ignoring Boundaries: A clear sign of hoovering is when the narcissist ignores the boundaries you have set and continues to invade your personal space or contact you despite your request for no contact. This blatant disrespect for your boundaries is a red flag for manipulation.

Projection: Finally, narcissist hoovering often involves projection, where they project their own shortcomings onto you. They may accuse you of being the one who is manipulative or controlling, deflecting attention away from their own toxic behavior.

How To Respond To Narcissists Hoovering

1- Recognize the Pattern

The key to effectively responding to hoovering is recognizing the pattern of behavior. Narcissists use hoovering as a way to regain control and feed their ego. When you realize that they are liars and manipulators by revealing their intentions, you can better protect yourself from falling into their trap.

2- Set Boundaries

One of the most important ways to respond to narcissistic hoovering is to set clear boundaries. Make it known to the narcissist that you will not tolerate their manipulative tactics or abusive behavior. Stick to your boundaries and be prepared to enforce consequences if they try to push you back.

3- Avoid Emotional Engagement:

Narcissists thrive on eliciting emotional reactions from others, which they can then exploit for their own benefit. Practice emotional detachment by remaining calm, composed, and unresponsive to the narcissist's attempts to incite emotional reactions. Refrain from getting drawn into arguments, guilt trips, or manipulation tactics.

Related Article: 7 Subtle Signs OF Covert Narcissist And How to Respond

4- Stay Grounded in Reality:

Maintain a realistic perspective on the narcissist's behavior and motivations. Remind yourself of their patterns of manipulation, deceit, and self-serving agenda. Avoid idealizing the relationship or entertaining false hopes of change. Grounding yourself in reality helps you resist falling prey to the narcissist's illusions and maintain clarity.

5. Seek Support

Dealing with a narcissist can be emotionally draining and challenging. Don't hesitate to reach out for support from friends, family, or a therapist. Talking to someone who understands your situation can provide validation, empathy, and guidance on how to navigate the complexities of dealing with a narcissist.

6. Focus on Self-Care

When faced with narcissistic hoovering, it's easy to become consumed by the drama and manipulation. Remember to prioritize your own well-being and self-care. Engage in activities that bring you joy, practice relaxation techniques, and prioritize your physical and emotional health.

7. Consider No Contact

In some cases, the most effective way to respond to narcissistic hoovering is to implement a strict no-contact rule. This means cutting off all communication and interactions with the narcissist to protect yourself from further manipulation and abuse. While implementing no contact can be challenging, it is often the best way to break free from the toxic cycle.

In conclusion, dealing with narcissist hoovering requires that you have to stay strong and remember that you are worthy of love and respect, no matter what a narcissist may try to make you believe.