Triangulation - Narcissist 's Abuse Tactic
What Triangulation?
Triangulation occurs when a toxic or manipulative person, like a narcissistic, try to pull a third person into their relationship in order to stay in control and reinforce his their sense of superiority .
There will be little or no contact between the two triangulated people except through the manipulator. It may appear in different forms, but it's all about creating conflict and conquest, or people playing against each other.
It is a very effective strategy to gain an advantage over perceived competitors by manipulating them into conflicts with one another. Triangulation is a method used by narcissistic individuals to calm down and protect their ego.
Triangulation contain three parts.
- The victim.
- The manipulator
- The third participant.
Triangulation and the relationship with children:
The golden child - the scapegoat: Triangulation may be used within a dysfunctional family, where the narcissistic parent often divides his good self-image and bad self-image into two different parts and then exposes it to their children. Thus, one child becomes all-good, or the golden child, and the other becomes all- bad, or a scapegoat.
Where permanent attention is obtained through competition between children and instilling rancor and envy between them The parent may change his attention, sometimes the child raises the scapegoat and underestimates the child's favorite, or it may simply indicate that the scapegoat child has to make a greater effort to win his love and affection.
In either scenario, they usually only give one child positive attention at a time. The other child, who feels neglected and ignored, tends to work harder to gain attention by competing with his sibling or making a dedicated effort to keep the parent happy (or both). They never know when they might win the love and validation they crave, so they keep working for it.
Triangulation In relationships
Triangulation is one way in which a narcissistic partner might work to maintain control in a relationship. People with narcissism do not always use flagrant methods of abuse, such as insults or aggression and violence.
Instead, they often use manipulative methods, such as gas lighting, silent manipulation, or triangulation, in order to maintain the upper hand. In order to gain control over you and continue to give them the attention they seek from you
They might say "see" while extending their phones to show you a romantic picture of their ex-partner. "They kept sending me pictures, saying they wanted me back." They take a long look at the Photo, then at you, and then they come back to the Photo. They might add, "Honestly, I'm not sure why we broke up anymore." “We had a wonderful relationship "
They might even keep dropping references about their ex-wives from time to time, to remind you of the sexy and attractive person who wants to get back together. They don't quite compare the two of you, but they definitely hint that they had a better time together
What is the motive?
People can triangulate unintentionally, often when they find it difficult to address conflict directly and want support from friends and loved ones. On the other hand, narcissistic triangulation occurs on purpose.
Triangulation uniquely serves the needs of a person with narcissism because
it allows them to utilize both parties as a source of narcissistic
supply.
The narcissistic symptom refers to the interest, praise, admiration,
strength, or sense of privacy that people with narcissism need.
Triangulation helps reinforce their sense of superiority and privacy while
leaving others confused and unbalanced.
It also provides an opportunity to devalue one person while raising and rounding another person. They can later use it as a constant source of praise and admiration or manipulate them to achieve their own goals. This tactic can also drive wedges in relationship dynamics, allowing a person with narcissistic tendencies to turn two people against each other and remain dominant.
By devaluing one person, they can improve their looks and achieve their goals more easily. Triangulation also prevents others from lining up against them. If you're competing for a favorite role, you don't work together to stand up to them.
How do you respond?
Facing them
Try to talk to them in private to show that you are aware of their behavior. Once they know you understand their game and are not going to share it with them, they may pause before using the same techniques on you again.
Establish your own support
If a manipulative person is spreading lies or gossip to diminish your value in front of others, then it is worth the effort to clear the air. You don't even have to mention their names. You might start by saying, “I've heard some rumors are going around. I'm not sure where they started, but…” Then explain why these things aren't true and show your side of the story.
This may not always work, because some people may still believe the gossip. However, you will likely find a lot of support, especially from others who have gone through something similar. Making new friends can make it easier to overcome gossip and stand up to future manipulation.
You can also try this tactic with your manager, if the triangulation techniques are questioning the efficiency of your work. You might explain, for example, that you heard some false rumors and gossip, and then provide some examples of your hard work.
Setting boundaries
- You may not always find it possible to prevent narcissistic triangulation. Even if you sever all ties with someone, nothing prevents them from talking about you to others who are still in your life.
- If you end up spending time with them and fail to respect the boundaries you set, try creating some for yourself instead: Ignore attempts to bait or manipulate you.
- Refuse to be drawn to contests, attempts to praise you, elevate yourself, or your own confidence.
- Protect your emotional health by building a network of supportive friends and loved ones.
- Move away from situations in which you find yourself alone with them.
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