3 Betrayals That Ruin Relationships (That Aren’t Infidelity)

Infidelity is the infidelity that our society focuses on, but it is actually the subtle, unremarkable betrayal that really destroys relationships. When partners do not choose each other day in and day out, trust and commitment fades. The partners may be aware of this betrayal of each other, but they reject it because "it is not as bad as an affair." this is not true. Anything that violates the contract of mutual trust, respect and protection in a committed relationship can be disastrous.

Betrayals are based on two main pillars: deception (not disclosing your true needs to avoid conflict) and a yearning for emotional connection from outside the relationship.

Here are the three betrayals that ruin relationships. (not infidelity)

1. Emotional Cheating

" Emotional cheating" is a particular type of secretive, sustained closeness with someone who isn't your primary partner. It's one person making a unilateral decision to cultivate intimacy without full-blown affairs with someone other than their primary romantic partner in a way that weakens or undermines the relationship.

Many see this type of connection as having an erotic component to it. Though there often can be an underlying romantic or erotic energy in emotional cheating, it can also occur without the element of romance or eroticism present. many couples feel "emotionally cheated on" by partners who share too much with friends, work colleagues, or even family members—people with whom there's no romantic frisson whatsoever. Nonetheless, they've experienced it as "emotional cheating" because their partners have engaged in an inappropriately deep, sustained closeness with someone else in a way that excluded them."

An emotional affair generally starts innocently enough as a friendship. Through investing emotional energy and time with one another outside the marital relationship, the former platonic friendship can begin to form a strong emotional bond which hurts the intimacy of the spousal relationship. While there are those who believe that an emotional affair is harmless, most marriage experts view an emotional affair as cheating without having an intimate relationship.

Emotional affairs are often gateway affairs leading to full-blown infidelity. About half of such emotional involvements do eventually turn into full-blown affairs. For some individuals, the most hurtful and painful consequences of an emotional affair is the sense of being deceived, betrayed, and lied to. Any part of one's life that is essentially kept a secret from a partner is dangerous to the trust between spouses.

2. Conditional Love

In conditional love relationships, you don't find yourself feeling safe. In fact, you don't always feel love at all. When a person loves us conditionally, it means that he is setting conditions, restrictions, or rules for giving his love. While a person can feel feelings of deep care or affection for you, their love is conditional if you feel you have to earn it. See this common word then? This is a clear indication of a conditional relationship.

In all of these phrases, the person says that he will enter the relationship, show his love, or will remain in a relationship only if the person does or does not do a certain thing. These phrases are kind of jittery, aren't they? The other person will likely feel trapped between two options. What's more, they feel as though they will only be loved based on their actions, not who they are? Is this what love really is?

Related: 7 Sings You Have A Cheating Partner

3. Emotional withdrawal

Have you recently noticed that you are far from your partner or friends? I have stopped doing the things that were once the source of happiness. Are you spending too much time thinking again? Do you notice that you are more persistent on your time? You have not completely separated yourself from others; You don't want to spend as much time with them as you used to. You may be experiencing emotional withdrawal What is emotional withdrawal? Emotional withdrawal is defined as emotional or physical decline by suppressing your feelings or detaching from others. Emotional withdrawal can sometimes be more complicated. The partners no longer satisfy the emotional needs

Reasons for withdrawal

If your needs are not being met, you are less inclined to satisfy your partner's needs or try to get your partner to meet yours, according to Harley. Some partners withdraw due to the unresolved childhood emotional trauma of an emotionally isolated parent, according to marital therapist Richard P. Fitzgibbons, on Marital Healing. Past trauma can also encourage emotional withdrawal to protect yourself from another betrayal. Some partners will withdraw emotionally in a conflict riddled relationship if one of the partners does not have a desire to resolve the conflict

Ways to reconnect

You and your partner can reconnect if you two are willing to work on the relationship, You need to forgive your partner, and understanding your partner's reasons for withdrawing can encourage this move. Finding a role model for your marriage may also help you reconnect. Learn positive ways to solve your conflict. Take a break during the struggle if your partner presses your buttons to prevent the temptation to quit again,

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Ali Mousa Relationship Blogger & writer