10 Warning Signs You're In A Toxic Relationship & How to Fix It

                                         

10 Warning Signs You're In A Toxic Relationship & How to Fix It

What is a toxic relationship?

A toxic relationship is one that makes you feel insecure, misunderstood, demeaned, or constantly attacked, so any relationship makes you feel bad emotionally, psychologically, and even physically. Instead of getting better it may get toxic over time. Toxic relationships can exist in almost any context, between friends, co-workers, with a life partner, or between your family members.

The difference between a toxic relationship and a healthy relationship: 

• A toxic relationship is one characterized by behaviors on the part of a toxic partner that are emotionally and physically harmful to their partner. While a healthy relationship boosts our self-esteem and emotional energy, a toxic relationship destroys self-esteem and drains energy. 

• A healthy relationship includes mutual care, respect, compassion, concern for our partner's well-being and growth, the ability to share control and decision-making, and, in short, a shared desire for each other's happiness. 

• A healthy relationship is a safe relationship, one in which we can be ourselves without fear, a place where we feel comfortable and safe. On the other hand, a toxic relationship is not a safe place.

•  A toxic relationship is characterized by insecurity, self-focus, dominance and control. We risk our existence to remain in such a relationship

Signs of a toxic relationship:

1- Jealousy.

While it is normal to feel jealous from time to time, it can become a problem if you cannot make yourself think or feel positive about your partner's success. Intense jealousy stems only from two things: a person's lack of self-confidence or distrust of their partner.

2- Controlling behaviors.

Wondering where you are all the time or being overly upset when you don't answer messages right away are two signs of controlling behavior, which can contribute to toxicity in the relationship. 

Other signs of control behavior include: 

• He tell you what is right 
• Threatens you with punishment for violating his orders
• He needs to know everything you do and who you are
• He tries to control managing your money 
• Keeping you from your loved ones 
• Not leaving a private space for you or respecting your boundaries

3- Isolation:

Emotional abuse is pervasive, affecting all areas of life. Most notably is the toll it takes on victims' relationships with friends and family. Abusers often convince their partners that no one cares. This alienation can cause victims to feel like they're on an island, removed from loved ones and past versions of themselves.

4- Lack of Trust.

A partner is someone you can count on, be vulnerable to, and who is in your corner. Lack of confidence goes both ways. If you don't trust your partner, you will be left feeling uncomfortable in your relationship.

If your partner has shown you that you cannot trust them, then you will spend all of the time questioning your partner's actions In the absence of confidence, where suspicion reigns, none of these things will be possible.

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5- Hostile communications.

Instead of treating each other with kindness, most of your conversations are filled with sarcasm, criticism, or overt hostility. You can even start avoiding talking to each other.

Overt forms of hostile communications include:

• Shouting
• Insults or other hurtful phrases 
• Throwing things and smashing them
• Use of physical intimidation or force 
• Punitive silence

6-Gaslighting.

A form of psychological manipulation, gaslighting causes victims to doubt their memories, judgment, and sanity. If you find that your concerns (and even memories) are frequently dismissed as "false," "stupid," or "crazy," you may be experiencing gaslighting.

7. You're making excuses for their behavior.

Do you often find yourself forced into a position to defend your partner?

While it's easy to fall back on the mentality of 'you don't know them like I do,' an outside perspective from someone you know loves you— such as a friend or family member you trust — may be able to clearly see your partner's negative characteristics that are hard to acknowledge yourself.

8-Ignoring your needs.

Going along with whatever your partner wants to do, even when it goes against your wishes or comfort level, is a sure sign of toxicity,
For example, you might agree to a vacation they planned, either intentionally or unintentionally, for dates that aren’t convenient for you

Also In a toxic relationship, you might let go of your usual self-care habits, You might withdraw from hobbies you once loved, neglect your health, and sacrifice your free time.

9-Contempt.

When onw partner feels contempt  for the other, it's not easy for either person to express their feelings. Benton notes that in healthy relationships, there's an expectation that your partner will listen and be respectful (even if they can't give you what you need). If they respond to your needs with mean-spirited sarcasm, arrogance, disgust, or apathy, then contempt may create a barrier in your relationship.

10-Excessive Defensiveness.

When you constantly feel like you have to defend yourself, there's less room for positive communication. It's important that both parties are able to talk openly—and honestly—with each other to resolve issues. Excessive defensiveness, Benton says, can feel like you're in a battle where your shield is always up.

Coping With Toxic Relationship

While not every toxic relationship cannot be avoided, especially between a co-worker or a family member, it can be managed with health boundaries, self-care, and awareness. If you find yourself in a toxic relationship where you bring out the worst in each other (or simply fail to bring out the best), you may want to work on the relationship and change the dynamic - especially if there are other benefits to the relationship. 

Assertive communication and healthy boundaries are often the keys to bringing out the best in the other - especially if you two are willing to make changes.

Here are some other steps to get over a toxic relationship: 

• Talk to the other person about what you are watching. 
• Be assertive about your needs and feelings while taking responsibility for your role in the situation.
• Discuss what you see as a problem and decide together whether you want to change the dynamic to ensure that both of your needs are met. 
• Reassess your relationship and ask yourself: Is this person causing real harm to my self-esteem and my overall mental health? 
• Limit the time you spend with people who bring frustration or unhappiness into your life. 
• If this person is someone you need to interact with, such as a family member or co-worker, you may need to limit the interactions.
• If you decide to talk about your concerns, use "I feel" when describing your feelings and emotions. Instead of attacking and criticizing language in the "you" formula, doing so helps prevent the other party from feeling the urge to defend themselves or counter-attack
• Finally: Find a support or start a therapy. which is often needed to solve the underlying issue behind the toxicity