No Contact vs. the narcissist’s silent treatment : The differences

No Contact vs. the narcissist’s silent treatment: The differences

What is the difference between no contact and silent treatment ?

Is the narcissist accusing that you are narcissistic because of your decision to go No Contact? Are you in a dither wondering if perhaps there is something to this?

This constant self-questioning is yet one more outcome of having suffered narcissistic abuse. You have very deliberately been programmed by the narcissist to doubt yourself at every turn.
Particularly when it comes to worrying that you are the narcissist, rather than the victim of a narcissist

Going No Contact offers the narcissist a golden opportunity to exacerbate your fretting over this specific concern.
Inevitably when you make the decision to go No Contact, the narcissist will launch a smear campaign. Entirely false yet irksome information eventually makes its way to as a result

So , a lot of people tend to think that when we go ‘No Contact’ with a narcissist, we are behaving in a similar manner as they do when they give us the ‘Silent Treatment’. The two are so very, very different and are done for very different reasons.

The Silent Treatment &/or Ghosting a person (what a narcissist does) and going No Contact (what a victim does), although on the surface may seem similar, are actually quite different.

Silent Treatment

• The Silent Treatment is done to punish and control you for not acting, thinking, or feeling the way the want you to.
• When a narcissist gives us the silent treatment they are doing so as a punishment, to invoke fear, obligation, guilt or remorse. Remember that these disordered personalities are all about power and control
• The silent treatment occurs during the devaluation phase of the abuse cycle to punish you and to fortify trauma bonds
• The silent treatment can run from hours, to days, to weeks, to months. However long it takes for you to learn your lesson and amp up provision of supply.

It is a means employed by these disordered individuals of showing their displeasure or disapproval. Most of the time, the victim has no idea why they are being treated in this despicable manner. They have done nothing wrong.

Any attempt to resolve the situation by discussion is thwarted. Their contempt for you is blatantly obvious. The narcissist’s ego is very easily upset. It takes so very little to ignite their fuse. The silent treatment is a passive aggressive form of emotional abuse and has been described as mental murder. When you are on the receiving end of the silent treatment your very existence is not recognized by your abuser.

Another form of salient treatment is Ghosting, which is a strategy used to discard you when the narc decides your supply no longer meets their needs. This approach conveys: ‘you have no value to me’. It usually happens when they fear confrontation and take off their mask or when they find another source because you are no longer ideal for them

No Contact

"No Contact" involves cutting off all relationships and channels of communication with a narcissist who has caused you constant harm through abuse. It is the active prevention of interaction of any sort. This includes all forms of direct contact with the narcissist. Not to receive or respond to any meet ups, phone calls, text messages, social media bombs, letters, emails etc.., It also relates to blocking indirect dealings such as via the narcissist’s flying monkeys.

No Contact is frequently the last option for victims of narcissistic abuse who are pushed to do so as a self-preservation measure. It is about preventing exposure to any further abuse to begin healing and reclaiming a life of freedom.

The decision to go No Contact feels like the only available choice because:

• You realize the abuse has been ongoing, repeated, and unchanging for extended periods, often for years.
• This leads to recognition and acceptance that interaction of any sort will only result in more abuse.
• You simply cannot take any more pain.
• Their abuse is beyond your control. The only thing you can control, is to remove yourself from it.

When we go no contact with an abuser it is done to protect ourselves, to give us time to heal and recover, not to punish or hurt anyone. The reason is not about the narcissist and what it will do to them, the reason is about you.

Make sure you know that you are strong enough before you have any dealings with the narcissist. For many that time will never come. So be it. Losing the narcissist in your life is not a loss, it’s a gain. You are gaining freedom. You are gaining strength away from these dysfunctional individuals. You are getting your life back. You cannot stop them treating people the way they do but you can stop them treating you in this way.

So the difference between the two methods lies in:

• The Narcissist gets high off of seeing you suffer and try to get their attention. It makes them feel happy and powerful and important. It makes them feel good.

• Going No Contact doesn’t make you delighted. There is a grieving process that one goes through and a lot of self work to be able to accept the reality of the abusive relationship. You’re sad, not excited.

• When a Narcissist goes silent, they often start a smear campaign against you. The intent is to destroy your reputation and make themselves out as the victim.
• No Contact is quite different. You just want to move on. You don’t even want to engage if someone tries to get you to talk about the Narcissist.

• Most of the time The Silent Treatment, even Ghosting, is only a temporary thing, not forever. It might be years before you hear from the Narcissist again, but the reason they discarded you in such a way, without closure, was to leave a door open for them in the future to sneak back in. They know it is only temporary.

• No Contact is not a temporary phase. By the time you go No Contact you harbor no more false hope that the relationship is salvageable. It is a permanent solution to a toxic problem.

• The Silent Treatment is used whenever to punish and control you while they secure a new person to take your place.

• No Contact is a way of exercising your own control. Not over the narcissist, but over yourself. You recognize that you have choices and the ability and right to put an end to the abusive relationship