7 Toxic ways A narcissist Will Argue With You

                                    

7 Toxic ways A narcissist Will Argue With You

People with strong narcissistic, sociopathic, and psychopathic tendencies are unwilling or unable to resolve conflicts or participate in discussion in a healthy, mature manner. As opposed to a normal, well-intentioned person, who is usually ready for genuine constructive dialogue and accepts different points of view. Meanwhile, the narcissist wants to win, be in control, and get what he wants, often at the cost of the well-being and happiness of those around him.

The narcissist must win no matter what the argument is about. It goes on and on until one of you surrenders. And it is never the narcissist.
When you argue with a narcissist, it is always an uphill climb until there is nowhere else to go but down. And the only way down is either a fall to your death, or you can choose to climb down safely. We all know the cliché everything that goes up must come down…., well that is the truth when you argue with a narcissist.

That is what happens when you argue with a narcissist. You create new victims. You stop living your best life, and you stop creating good in the world.

The ultimate gift you give to a narcissist is your time and power. He wants to argue, and he will resurrect every argument and every mistake. He will throw you under the bus every time, and your emotional well being is being destroyed.

And so in this article we will explore some typical techniques a narcissist uses in conflicts and similar social situations.

7 Toxic ways A narcissist Will Argue With You

1- False  Apology

When a narcissist says: "I said I'm sorry, what more do you want?" Or “I'm sorry… but… (expectations or excuses)” These are not apologies. A decent, sincere and true apology is a complete acceptance without excuses, defenses and a declared commitment followed by an action to restore faith and trust. Something like, “I'm sorry, I know what I did and how it hurt you, and you have my say that I will never do this to you again” is a good start. Then the action required to back it up is evidence.

When arguing with a narcissist, you will feel incredibly disturbed when receiving apologies that are not apologies. You know when you feel these words – because of how they land emotionally in your body ­– as to how insincere they really are.

Then, of course, you will push for a more genuine apology, because you can’t believe these hollow words. You don’t feel safe!

It is then that the narcissist will turn on you and accuse you of not trusting them, having issues from your past that mean you are too damaged to trust people, or that you are comparing him or her or other people, and all sorts of diversions to try to get you to drop the necessary boundary of not accepting an apology unless it feels genuine.

Then, of course, the narcissist will re-offend and you find yourself back in the same place all over again.

If someone is not genuinely remorseful through word and action, then POINT BLANK they are not safe to be in a relationship with.

2. Argument in bad faith.

When there is a disagreement, the average person tries to understand, listen, be honest, and make sure that they understand where others are coming from. Sure, people can sometimes slip off and get very upset or anxious. But overall this is an unwritten guideline. On the other hand, narcissists argue about what is sometimes referred to as bad faith. This means that they do not even care about the other person or try to understand them. 

Even worse, they are devoted to deliberately misunderstanding and mislabeling others, often to the point of absurdity. They are dishonest, deceitful, and willingly corrupt. Often while at the same time they are quick to accuse others of being dishonest, deceitful, and morally corrupt.

3. The use of fallacies and nonsense. 

Narcissists are often not qualified to have mature discussions or resolve conflicts, but they are experts in them on their minds. As a result, they often use some terminology, arguments or techniques that they have heard about but don't really understand, all while thinking that they are rational, rational, or correct. Sometimes to the point where they become so upset or even aggressive that you are irrational, unreasonable, uneducated, unwilling or unable to have a mature conversation.

Meanwhile, in reality, what they are saying is just incoherent shouting or amalgamation of logical fallacies and fallacies, misrepresentations of you, factual errors, sentimental language, or sheer nonsense (as in something literally meaningless). In more extreme cases, it is called a salad, as in a mixture of words thrown together without cohesion or structure.

4. Incitement, bullying, intimidation.

Since the goal of narcissists is domination and their realization that they are right at all costs, they often use aggression. This category includes the more aggressive tactics that openly narcissists use. These methods include provocation, bullying, and intimidation, in which the narcissist criticizes you, calls you names, shouting, acts excessively emotional, attempts to harm you on purpose, blatant lies, threats, or even physical attacks on you.

Not only that, they spin it around by presenting it as if you are reacting to it or ignoring it, you are the one who is not logical, overly emotional, and aggressive against them.

5. Lying, denying and changing definitions. 

Here, in order to win, the narcissist uses more covert tactics. Sometimes they lie about what happened, what you did or did and did not do, or even about what was true and true in terms of the facts. Often to the point of denial and pure delusion. The attempt to confuse the other person and make him doubt their experiences or reality by lying about that gas manipulation is called.

Another method that falls in this category is redefining to suit their narrative. For that purpose, they are keen on using euphemistic language or redefining commonly used words to fit their narrative when it clearly doesn't. Again, the goal is to justify that what they are doing is good and what they are saying is right, even when it clearly isn't.

Related Article:  10 Techniques To Win An Argument With A Narcissist

6. Deflection, attack and projecting.

A common painful tactic that narcissists use is to swerve and attack. Here, the goal is to shift attention from what the narcissist says and does to what you say and do, as they never have to take responsibility for their toxic behavior or process anything you say.

If you bring up something you don't like or find it wrong and problematic, then instead of treating it or taking responsibility for it, they will quickly sidetrack and go into attack mode. This means that they will use their toxic tactics to quickly divert attention from themselves and bring up something you may or may not have said. Mostly to the point where they try to always keep you on the defense by accusing you of all sorts of things, some of which include things they are already doing themselves (narcissistic projection).

And if you make a mistake of actually trying to address it, you will get distracted from the initial issue and soon become overwhelmed by all the stuff that now you are expected to address and clarify. And do so to a person who doesn't care about understanding you and is dedicated to mischaracterizing you in order to dominate and win an argument.

7. Triangulation

Narcissists have extremely fragile ego and a vibrant sense of self-esteem. If you really defend yourself and don't play their games, they see this as a humiliation, because you are unfair, and even offensive to them. In their eyes, you are illogical because you don't admit that they are superior, righteous, and all around amazing people. They find it terribly offensive, and feel shame, injustice and anger (narcissistic injury).

To regulate their overwhelming emotions, they often try to receive false validation. This means looking for people to stand by and tell them that you are wrong and evil and that they are right and righteous. Includes lying, defamation, slander, trinity, gossip, stalking, and other forms of aggression and social manipulation