7 Ways For Setting Boundaries With Toxic People

7 Ways For Setting Boundaries With Toxic People

Setting boundaries with toxic people isn't easy, but it's something we can all learn to do and when we do, it reinforces.

Boundaries are a way to take care of ourselves. When we set boundaries, we were less angry and resentful that our needs were being met. Boundaries clarify our expectations, so that others know what to expect of us and how we want to be treated.

Boundaries are the foundation of happy, healthy relationships. Ideally, people will respect our boundaries when we communicate with them clearly. But we all know that some people will do everything they can to resist our efforts to set boundaries; They will argue, blame us, ignore us, manipulate us, threaten us, or hurt us physically. While we cannot prevent people from behaving this way, we can learn to set clear boundaries and take care of ourselves.

Who is a toxic person?

If you know someone who is difficult and causes a lot of conflict in your life, you may be dealing with a toxic person. These people can cause a lot of stress and discomfort for you and others, not to mention emotional or even physical pain. 

A toxic person is anyone who adds their negative behavior and discomfort to your life. Often times, toxic people deal with their stress and trauma. To do so, they act in ways that don't present them in the best light and usually bother others along the way. 

Toxicity in people is not considered a mental disorder. But there can be underlying mental issues that cause a person to act in toxic ways, including a personality disorder.

Learning to set boundaries :

There are 3 conditions to set boundaries.

• 1- Set your limits. Be clear about what you need before trying to communicate or impose boundaries.
• 2- Express your boundaries or expectations clearly, calmly and steadily. Stick to the facts without over-interpreting them, blaming them, or being defensive. For example, it is better to say “I call a taxi. I don't ride with you when you've been drinking,” than to lose your temper and say, “I can't believe you're going home after you've been drinking all night! Every time we go out, it's the same thing. I won't take it anymore! ''
• 3- If your boundaries are not respected, evaluate your options and take necessary action.

To help you detoxify your relationships once and for all, here are her tips for eliminating harmful characters.

7 Ways For Setting Boundaries With Toxic People

1. Identify your core values.

What are the core beliefs that serve as guiding principles? Sometimes this is referred to as a moral compass. With clear core values, there will be certain behaviors that you will not tolerate in yourself or others. Knowing which behaviors you will not tolerate is the first step to feeling powerful when asked to interact with a toxic person. Think of it as a certainty to help compensate for the uncertainty that toxic people throw your way.

2. Identify the toxic behaviors.

To get rid of something - or someone - toxic, you need to be aware of the fact that it is hurting you. “Toxic people are manipulative and often selfish,” “Toxic people are difficult to please and impossible to work with, even when you try to help them. They find it difficult to have their feelings or apologize, and they will constantly make you prove yourself to them.” If there is a relationship that constantly weighs you down or significantly frustrates you more than it builds you up, it is time to give it up. Toxic people are distracting from your true purpose .

3. Stay calm and communicate your boundaries.

Express your boundaries consistently and in a calm and clear way. Don't go overboard. Do not blame. Don't get defensive. Always start by taking at least one deep breath. If you've been triggered by a toxic person, it will help you settle down before speaking. Focus on what you want to say rather than how you feel about the toxic person. Go for a win-win outcome, not a losing win.

4- Decide if these boundaries are negotiable.

Some boundaries are more important than others. Determining what you are willing to accept and what you consider unlikely or non-negotiable will help you determine if you are willing to compromise. Compromise can be a good thing if both people are adapting. However, true compromise does not give up on your needs to please someone else or accept treatment that you view as a deal-breaker. 

If someone repeatedly violates your most important boundaries, you should ask yourself how long you are willing to accept such a transaction. I have seen people accepting disrespect and abuse for years and years, hoping that the toxic person will change only to look back at hindsight and see that this person has no intention of changing or respecting boundaries.

5. Limit the time you spend with them.

Think of the old adage: "If you lie with dogs, you will catch fleas." But keep in mind that - depending on the nature of the relationship - distancing yourself can be difficult, especially in the workplace. Without disrespect, limit your interactions with toxic people to work-related conversations. Whenever possible, engage a third person in the work-related conversation or introduce it as a topic in a team meeting.

6-Practice detachment.

Detaching is a shift away from trying to control people and situations. When you are in a state of fear, it is understandable that you want to control things to protect yourself. But trying to control others never works. When we detach, we stop trying to change others and impose the outcome we want.

You can detach from a narcissist or toxic person by:

• Physically leaving a dangerous or uncomfortable situation.
• Responding differently. For example, instead of taking something personally or yelling, we can shrug off a rude comment or make a joke of it. This changes the dynamics of the interaction.
• Declining invitations to spend time with them.
• Letting them make their own decisions and deal with the consequences of those choices.
• Not giving unsolicited advice.
• Choosing not to participate in the same old arguments or taking space away from an unproductive conversation or argument.

Detaching doesn't mean that you don't care about that person, it just means that you care about yourself and are realistic about what you can do in every situation.

7. Make consequences.

Boundaries should not be idle threats. It should not be a means of punishing or controlling another person. (Remember, boundaries are a way to take care of yourself.) However, there are consequences for violating someone's boundaries. The consequences could be some of the things we have already discussed like limiting contact or leaving the room. 

In other cases, the result might be calling the police or talking to your supervisor or the Human Resources department about a Boundaries issue at work. The result can also be simply allowing someone to experience the natural consequences of their actions, such as obtaining a DUI if they are drunk driving.

Read Also:  6 Ways To Set Boundaries With A Toxic Person