10 Things To Expect When You Break Up With A Narcissist

10 Things To Expect When You Break Up With A Narcissist

What do you expect when you separate from Narcissist?
Any type of breakup is difficult, but when you're in a relationship with a narcissist, the breakup can feel like it's literally shattering you.  Dating a narcissist is stressful, and breaking up with one of them can be fatal. 

Dr. Judith Orlov, a clinical psychologist at UCLA, writes that narcissists can make you "fall in love with them so deeply that you feel like you are giving up a part of your heart to leave them", because they have succeeded so well in becoming the center of being and you are with them.

Here’s 10 Things To Expect When You Break Up With A Narcissist

1.They won't make it easy. 

You would likely assume that once the breakup begins, the nightmare relationship will end. Unfortunately, when breaking up with a narcissist, this is not the case. Breakup can do the worst in more friendly couples, but narcissists use the time to continue their fierce campaign of fear and manipulation. If you don't handle the breakup carefully, consciously, and without emotion, the entire ordeal can cause severe psychological injuries.

2. They will never apologize. 

Don't expect to hear a meaningful apology or real regret from your narcissistic ex-partner because it isn't something he can do. 

3. They will blame you for everything.

At the start of your relationship, they put you on a base only Aphrodite herself could reach. You were the most beautiful, perfect and smartest person they had ever met and they were lucky that you gave them your time.

Now that the relationship is cut off, you're damaged, disgusting, and having the relationship gone is totally your fault. It totally shattered things, ruined his confidence, ruined the best thing ever, and totally crushed his soul. You don't appreciate everything he did for you. You wouldn't be a thing without it. You alone destroyed everything that he built. You are selfish and demanding. Overnight I became the most hated person in a narcissist's life.

4. Attempt to guilt-trip you into staying

Guilt is a powerful tool for a narcissist to get you back in the relationship. A narcissist comes every time he does something nice for you, confirms how much he cares about you, or reminds you of the wonderful times you had together. If the positives don't get you back, then narcissists hypothetically turn to their dilute attacks. Any complaint you make about the narcissist will turn on you.

5. THEY WILL MAKE YOU SECOND GUESS YOURSELF.

Throughout your entire relationship, the narcissist has been slowly tearing up your self-esteem and sense of personal worth, which is why you may have already started on the second guesswork of your decisions. The narcissist will try to convince you that you made a mistake. Expect to see charisma, persuasion, then intimidation, agitation, and outright provocation to regain control of the relationship.

The narcissist will say,

• You just misinterpreted what I said. Of course, you should know that deep down I love you; why do I have to say it all the time?
• What about all the good times we’ve had together?
• You look at the negative too much.
• You don’t understand the stress I’ve been under lately.
• You take things too personally.
• You’re overreacting.
• You’re too emotional.

Once you have a clear head you can see that these are not apologies but just negative jabs to try and lower your self esteem even more.

6. They will make empty promises.

Prepare for empty promises of change to shower you with when you break up with your narcissistic partner. Suddenly they get some magic revelation, they understand what they've done and want to make positive changes to their behaviors.

This is very tempting for those of us who desperately want the relationship to succeed. Now it looks like they really understand and want to make a change that makes you happy. You might see a spark of hope agreeing to let them return. For a while, you thought things were getting better. However, when the narcissist feels comfortable in the relationship again, he will return to being self-absorbed, impassive, arrogant, insensitive, and blame.

And always if things don't go their way, you'll instantly revert to the same defensive and aggressive patterns. How often will you see a spark of hope and believe it can change?

7.Demand attention, even after you've broken up

Narcissists can be very persistent in asking for your attention. Often times narcissists seem strong and independent, but are actually in dire need.

You might find yourself getting calls to come to fix her car, or she might still expect you to keep accounting for his work, or want you to turn off the Christmas lights at her home, or be expected to keep making appointments to the dentist. It can be stressful and difficult for you to say no to these constant requests. Often times you are again attracted to interactions with the narcissist that don't really help you.

8. They will start rumors and gossip about you.

Once the breakup begins, the narcissist will start throwing any rumors or gossip about you, whether it is true or not. They will say anything they think might harm you. Throughout your entire relationship, the narcissist has insisted on being extremely privacy about your interactions together, and now they're spreading all sorts of misinformation and slander and trying to spoil your good name.

Be prepared for your partner to tell everyone how you are the bad guy, whether it's in your group of friends or in front of a judge. It is one of the ways in which they gain the most sympathy possible. 

 9.Stalking.

It's not uncommon for narcissists to accidentally walk into the grocery store when you are, only to suddenly appear at a community or social event you attend.

They might even change their running schedule so they hit your street every morning. Be prepared ahead of time for the possibility of these unexpected meetings. They are designed to keep you aware of narcissists' existence and emotional imbalances.

10. They will make the breakup pull forever.

Your narcissistic ex will likely refuse to compromise or negotiate during a breakup, especially if we are dealing with a divorce. Remember, narcissists are only interested in winning and getting what they want. There is no room for negotiation in their minds. Whether it comes to dividing your assets or deciding on custody and support arrangements, your ex will be going to lengthen the proceedings. If you are not married, they will likely play games with you throughout the whole process.