7 Ways To Deal With Toxic Family Members

7 Ways To Deal With Toxic Family Members

Dealing with a toxic family member is never a walk in the park, but dealing with a toxic family member 24/7 will inevitably take a toll on your energy and confidence. While you can easily cut ties with a toxic friend at any time, a unique family situation may not provide you with many opportunities to physically distance you.

Toxic family members make your head hurt. They are poisonous to your health. They can drain you emotionally every time they are around.

How do you recognize toxic family members?

• Control. They expect us to make decisions that they approve of and belittle us if we don't. He may use sarcasm, "jokes," and reprimands to undermine us even more.
• Managing everything in our life. This is control when it is "completely out of control".
• Threats. Telling us things will be taken from him or rejected unless we do things a certain way. Their way. Our opinions and feelings are not taken into account, only their opinions and feelings are taken.
• Constant criticism. About our lives, views, opinions, religious beliefs, dress codes, friends, career choices,
• Gas-lighting. Turn over the things they said, to make us feel like we are the problem and misunderstood things / confused: denying what they said and making us feel like we're going crazy
• Blaming. we always. We are the reason why the thing is not good; We are the problem, we make the toxic family member feel bad.
• Reject our feelings. We have no voice, no choice, and no second thought. We do not appreciate
• Neglect. Not taking care of a minor if he is sick; Failure to provide adequate food and emotional support.
• Emotional abuse.
• Silent treatments, laughter / mockery of the individual, verbal abuse, and mental games.
• Lying. It was said to cover up things said and done, or to manipulate.

HOW To Deal With Toxic Family Members

1. Start On The Inside

We hate to tell you this, but… You’ve got to look at your unhealthy traits before searching for anyone else’s to get the most unobstructed view on your family members’ toxic habits. With a full, honest look at your own blind spots, you might be able to understand your part in less-than-fun interactions with a family member.

Before placing blame on your family member, ask yourself:

• Am I allowing the toxic behavior from my family member to continue?
• Do I see anything in my family member’s destructive ways that might remind me of my very own flaws?
• Have I adequately expressed my feelings towards my toxic family members about their words or actions?
• Do I mirror any of their upsetting or destructive behaviors?
• Have I upheld my boundaries towards my family members? Or do I lack boundaries altogether?
• Have I unknowingly encouraged a loved one’s identity in my family dynamic? (For example, do I continuously avoid my own problems to focus on the issues of another family member, making them our household scapegoat?)
• Am I harboring resentment towards my loved one for their past actions or words?
• What are my most significant flaws or weaknesses that I’d like to improve on?

2. Keep Your Distance

If you feel offended, unloved and disinterested, but you try to tolerate it because it comes from a family member, Protect yourself. Keep your distance as far as you can. Observe and avoid triggering situations, do not intervene if you can avoid them. Also know this: You're not here to fix it. You don't have to help and assist them during every crisis and drama they participate in.

Try to sidestep arguments at all costs. “Toxic people will try to draw you into an argument to distract you from the real issues,” “They will often turn things around on you -- blaming you for their toxic behaviors and never taking ownership for their behavior.”

3. Set Clear Boundaries

It can be hard to identify and set boundaries if you’re from a family that doesn’t honor or respect them. You get to decide what treatment you’ll accept now, though. Martin suggests stating your needs and feelings directly. You might ask your family member to change their behavior, such as saying, “Please don’t curse at me.”

“This is not usually successful with toxic people because they’re not motivated to change their behavior,” she says. Instead, the boundary helps remind you to protect yourself from their ways. For example, you might hang up the phone or block your sibling’s number if they continue to curse at you on a call.

4. Keep communication to a minimum.

• There is no use spending time around a family member who continually drags you down. Limit your time spent with him or her.
• If you're going to cross paths over a holiday, don't spend the entire holiday with this person: Split your time with other family members.
• If you worry about seeing this person while you're visiting another family member on a random occasion, perhaps try meeting somewhere else.
• Don't answer this person's calls or texts. Eventually, he or she will get the point.
• And if this person decides to confront you about your radio silence, realize this will give you a chance to finally clear the air.

4. Keep private matters to yourself.

It can be so easy to spill your life out to a toxic family member, as you too often forget how this person can use that information against you. Just because this toxic family member is having a “good day,” that doesn't mean he or she has earned the right to have you open up.

And who knows? This good attitude could switch at any moment, leaving you vulnerable and your family member with the upper hand.

5. Forgive, but don't forget.

What has this toxic family member done to you? Forgive him or her, but don't forget.
Forgetting will bring you back to problem number one: being unprepared for the torment of his or her destruction.

However, forgiving this person for whatever he or she has done to you will free up your mental space. It takes a huge load off your shoulders.
We don't have to carry around this person's actions anymore. Instead, we can simply try our best to never deal with the person again.

6. Don't try to change this person. 

We can't change someone. We can only pray and hope this person will change on his or her own. Change comes from within. 

Even when this family member hurts us with actions that are so blatantly stupid, wrong and mean, we must learn to hold our tongues and be the bigger person. Toxic family members simply don't want to hear what we have to say. 

Having a less than ideal family member doesn't mean you should love him or her any less. However, if this person's actions are negatively affecting your personal happiness, it might be time to implement some new ways of dealing with the person.

7.Don’t be the victim.

People can be a pity sometimes, but you’re not one of those. Decide that you won’t be anyone’s victim. Instead, be the one with the boundaries, the strength, the smarts and the power to make the decisions that will help you to thrive. Even if they’re decisions you’d rather not be making, own that it’s a move you’ve made to get what you want, rather than to bend to someone else’s will. You’re amazing, you’re strong and you’re powerful – which is why you’re nobody’s victim. Nobody’s.