8 Steps To Recovery After Abusive Relationship
Recovering after an abusive relationship can be confusing. We don't always know the best way to recover, so it's easy to give up and simply try to live our new life. Unfortunately, the effects of living with an abuser do not disappear when we leave the dominant relationship. Instead, the effects of abuse relate to us, connect us mentally, emotionally, and even physically.
These toxic relationships harm your self-esteem, relationships, career, mental health, and overall well-being. So you must leave the abusive relationship to begin to recover. Leaving an abusive relationship is a powerful step towards recovery, but it is not the end of it. Recovering from an abusive relationship takes work and learning how to take care of yourself in ways you haven't in a long time
If you have already taken this difficult step, that means your recovery process has already begun. As a big step, it's sometimes the hardest step. Remind yourself that psychological abuse is a form of domestic violence, and that you don't deserve to be in this situation. Once you leave the relationship, you will have to regroup your life again. Focus on what makes you happy and what keeps you healthy. Focus on loved ones, your home, and your career and avoid toxic people at all costs. While you may sometimes miss the person who offended you, remember that your offenders don't change.
8 Steps to recovery after abusive relationship
1 - Acknowledgment of what happened.
If you want to heal, you cannot pretend the abuse didn't happen. Instead, acknowledge that you were abused and never underestimate what happened. You will likely feel negative about the situation, and ignoring it may seem an easy option, but it won't help your recovery. Ignoring it will only do more damage, and the negative feelings you feel will remain. To heal, you must first acknowledge what happened and face all of the following feelings. You might feel embarrassed, ashamed, angry, or afraid, but it will get better.
It is important not to underestimate what happened to you. Despite what you might think or what others might say, you are not dramatic or whimsical. Your reactions are accurate, just as your emotions are real. Although remembering your experiences can be painful, it is essential to recognize the abuse. After that, you will be able to move to the next step in your recovery.
2- Create your own space.
You should definitely have a peaceful living environment. If everything around you reminds you of a relationship of control, you simply cannot get over it. But never fear, once you get into it, creating your own space becomes fun. Determine what must be allowed and what must be left. You've probably not made many good decisions on your own lately, so where you live is a great place to start. If you leave the person who abused you dressed only on your back, you will have an advantage over those surrounded by old memories.
From now on, buy items that only make you feel good. Buy food that makes you proud of yourself because you ate it. Buy clothes that you like to see yourself in. Buy items for your home that make you feel comfortable and cheerful when you look at them. Unlike people who let go of their abuser but are tied to things that remind them of abuse, you have a clean slate. Bring only what you like or you can use in your home.
Many of us leave abuse to find our surroundings filled with reminders of an offender or an abuser. This does not help recover from abuse, nor is it good for our mental health. It is imperative that you clean up the trash and make room for your new life. For this, you can use this principle: if it reminded you of an offensive event or the person who offended you, get rid of it. interval. Throw it away, give it away, or put it in a box that you won't re-open for six months (at that time you can reassess what to do with it).
Your surroundings may appear a little empty when finished! However, everywhere you look will be a beautiful memory. You can bring new things into your home that you can infuse with love and care. If you are staying in the house you share with your abuser, repaint it in cheerful, muted colors. Get out of the master bedroom and make it the office or children's room. Change curtains, and bathroom colors. If you can, get out of the house completely and start over. Make your home yours.
3- Control your thoughts.
After you break up with your controlling partner, you sometimes hear their voice in your head recommending you and criticizing you. You may feel fear, anxiety, and confusion about what he might do. And you will likely continue to do some of the things he expected of you even though there is no reason to do them. Behind all of these things is the programming that she underwent as a victim of abuse. It will take time to remove that offensive voice from your head, but it will diminish if you resist it.
What to do to recover When you hear a negative, offensive voice in your head, say "Stop!" Out loud or to yourself. The sound will likely want to continue so you may have to say "Stop it!" Some times. After the sound stops, remind yourself that you don't have to listen to this nonsense anymore. Remind yourself that you are a good person doing the best they can under stressful circumstances, and there is no reason to let this abusive voice hit you about it. Take a breath and go back to what you were doing before the sound cut off rudely. Or do something else! You have options now, so don't be afraid to use them.
4- Self Care.
Taking care of your body, mind and soul may be a new idea for you after you've lived through abuse for so long. Self-care is one of the first things to do when you live with an abusive person. Time to change that. One of the easiest ways to take care of yourself is to practice mindfulness. You don't need any special equipment - just you and your senses. The simplest way to practice mindfulness is to stop what you're doing and pay attention to your senses. What do you see, hear, smell? What are you touching? What do you taste Remember to breathe in while reconnecting with your senses. Do this for a minute or so. This is awakening. It gives you a break from stress.
Here are some ideas to help you find more self-care:
- Find a way to let out your feelings, and doing so creatively helps with healing. There are many creative outlets for expressing yourself, so the key is finding the art form that works best for you. Some options include: Poetry Painting Music Diary Writing stories or novels
- Improve your relationship with God, reconnect with your spirituality by prayer, meditation, fasting, going out into nature or doing everything that brings you closer to God and making your heart happy.
- Reconnect with your body. Give him energy and respect, try yoga, walking, or anything that gets your body moving.
- Try a new food each week. Incorporate delicious healthy dishes into your weekly menu.
- You can also look in the mirror and say nice things to yourself, including nice things about your appearance. Pay attention to where your body is - be aware of it - several times a day
5- Reconnect with people.
The need to communicate (communicate with separated family and friends; make new friends at work, participate in charitable work groups, join a club, etc.) As mentioned earlier, abuse leads to disconnecting you from important relationships. You may feel very lonely after leaving your partner, and it can be mistaken for loneliness for wanting your partner back. In fact, you are simply hungry for good, healthy old-fashioned interactions with the people around you. Unfortunately, there may be no people left to interact with.
Whether you cut the relationship yourself or left you due to the unhealthy turmoil your relationship brought to the table, it is time to make up. You cannot replace your siblings or your parents - never. You must communicate with them honestly and frankly. (Ignore this advice completely if your family members are in control and getting sick! You've left one shiver behind, and there's no reason to turn to other idiots on the journey of recovery.
Some old friends deserve to be reconnected with them and some just not. Before making this call, consider whether this friend is the person you have room for in your life today. Some friendships die for a reason. But the friends who used to make your heart sing? Give them a chance. Approach them with the same sincerity that you used with your family. Some will reconnect, some will not. There is nothing wrong.
Make new friends. And saying something is easier said than done, isn't it? You cannot force friendship. You can only be open to it. But you have to get out where the people are before you can make a new friend. Think about what interests you. Is there a meeting you can join? If you are interested in religion, a mosque or church is a no-brainer. If you like to hike, find a club that organizes hiking tours and tours.
You found the idea. Be part of a community and nurture relationships that can turn into friendships. At first, performing any of these relationship building activities might seem very difficult. Okay. You have been isolated for a long time and it can take some time to break out of that comfort zone. In the meantime, try joining online groups as your participation can be choppy. Just reading what other people have to say about your interests may inspire you to contribute.
On bad days, call the hotline. You can call a domestic violence hotline or find a hotline related to depression, anxiety, or PTSD. Talking to someone feels lonely every time. Get in touch a little and you'll win a lot.
6 - Find support.
As mentioned earlier, you should cherish people who bring you positive emotions. Spend your time with them and seek support from those you trust. This network can be friends, family members, or a licensed therapist. When you recover from a mentally abusive relationship, you may become depressed or anxious. This is when you need the support system the most. So, be sure to find someone who can help you feel verified and supported.
When you have support, you will be able to regain your self-esteem. You will realize your true worth and know that the abuser's words and behavior have nothing to do with you. If you choose toxic people instead, your recovery will be impossible. Your support system should not be in contact with the abuser to you. If that leaves you with a few friends, consider meeting people by joining a team or attending a class. You can also try to reconnect with old friends with whom you have lost contact.
7. Forgive yourself.
What the attacker did to you was wrong. You never deserve it. Feeling guilt, shame, and fear if you somehow brought this on yourself is not where your energy belongs now or again. Of all the things it deserves, self-forgiveness tops the list. While emotional abuse is a specific form of domestic violence. Offending in any way is never your fault. It does not matter who the person was. It does not matter how they entered your life. It doesn't matter how much the relationship was. It doesn't matter why you stay. None of this matters, but here's what's important: It worked. I survived. You are free. You did that
8. Practice self-compassion.
This step is very important because you may have learned to be too tough on yourself, to beat yourself up for any perceived failures and to find it difficult to be kind to yourself. Practicing self-compassion can help reduce levels of anxiety and depression while increasing feelings of contentment and balance. Isn't that a great place? Quite a few questions to ponder, right? Some people have found it helpful to journal their reflections. If typing is not your thing, talking to a tape recorder is an option. There are no hard and fast rules - try and find what works best for you.
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