5 Techniques To Disarm a Manipulator

5 Techniques To Disarm a Manipulator

Manipulative people are those who disguise their interests as your interests.These people will do their best to manipulate you into believing that their opinions are objective facts. They’ll tell you that the entire office thinks you’re arrogant, crazy, or incompetent.

A manipulator knows how to get what they need with little effort from themselves but at great cost to others. They find ways to work around the system (or you) for their benefit

Manipulators people spend a lot of time and energy creating an environment where they can control the outcome, so their needs are constantly met by others. The biggest problem of a manipulative relationship is we often don’t even know it’s happening, and we allow it to continue.

HERE ARE 5 WAYS TO DISARM A MANIPULATOR:

1 - Recognize the problem.

It should come as no surprise that you have to realize there is a problem before you can solve it. The first sign of trouble is leaving a meeting with someone who doesn't feel quite right and questioning the outcome. 

You should be able to address the impulses involved in a request. The needs of manipulators often take precedence over others, and they often expect the person around you to be available at any given moment.

Here are some characteristics of manipulators:

• They need to take precedence over everyone else’s.
• They expect you always to be available on a moment’s notice.
• They are often in a crisis that requires immediate action.

2- Postpone your answer.

Don't give them an answer right away. Give yourself time to think, even if they pressure you. For example, say, "I'll think about it and get back to you later." Remember that lack of time is their problem, not yours. A professional was pressured by a colleague to give him a letter of exception for a personal need. He called the professional and emailed him several times that day saying the message was urgent and that it had to be done on the same day or else he would be negatively affected.

The professional needed to consult with the other parties first and had other priorities. Therefore, the professional said calmly and firmly that this fellow should wait one week if he wanted the letter and that it was not their duty to do so on his behalf. At that point, the fellow stopped imposing his personal schedules on the professional.

3 - Ask questions.

Part of a manipulative relationship is the endless demands that are placed on us. It is usually phrased in such a way that we feel privileged to have the opportunity to help. Since the manipulator thrives on control, it is helpful to remove some of that control by refocusing on it by asking questions. The right kind of question can help make them aware of the value of the one-sided request and can indicate that you are aware of their behavior. 

For examples:

• I see how this helps you. Can you help me understand how this benefits me?
• Do I have an opinion on how to proceed?
• Does this sound like a reasonable request to you?
• Does it seem fair to you that you are asking me to...? 

When you ask probing questions, you are highlighting the true nature of their request. If there is any self-awareness, they will usually see the situation as it is and change the order or withdraw it altogether.

4- Fogging technique.

Fogging helps deal with aggressive criticism from others by cutting off the conversation and moving forward without any agreements or reducing the heat of the moment allowing for a more logical conversation afterward. 

The point of fogging is to calmly acknowledge a portion of the criticism without committing to any change. For example, you can say, "I agree to..." or "You're right..." without making much about it and then walk out of the conversation. Learn how to recognize a threat and how to protect yourself, your time, and energy so you can live your days with purpose, joy, and prey-free. 

5- Setting boundaries.

Have a flexible and firm "no" without any verbal or nonverbal hesitation. Smiling softly while you say doesn't also put you in a position of power over the manipulator.

Manipulators are known to not take "no" as an answer. In this case, another useful technique is to use the broken record to repeat "no" as many times as needed. You don't need to change the "no" or wear it differently every time. Be persistent, consistent, and calm. 

Only you can control your actions. This is important because you will not be able to change the behavior of the manipulator, but you can stop being his victim.

This happens when you start saying "no". We are manipulated because we allow it and refusing to be manipulated is the first step in breaking the cycle. Manipulators are good at what they do, so pay attention to their responses. They are likely to say or do things that draw the heart. We must stand firm in our "no," knowing that we are taking the first step toward freeing ourselves from their influence.

Sources
assertiveway.com/6-ways-to-disarm-a-manipulator
www.powerofpositivity.com/4-ways-to-disarm-a-manipulator