5 Effective Ways To Handle & Respond To The Silent Treatment

Have you ever been on the receiving end of the silent treatment or experienced what is called punitive silence? Or maybe you did it with someone else. Either way, whether you are the one causing the abusive behavior or the receiving party, you are aware of these socially unacceptable forms of abuse.

What is the silent treatment?

The silent treatment is a refusal to communicate verbally with another person. or even refuse to acknowledge the presence of the other person. Its a manipulative technique designed to control another person's behavior with silence. It includes the following: Refuse to talk to someone Block his phone number Ban him on social media Ignore him personally Avoid any interaction with him Suddenly disappearing from someone's life without explanation.

The silent treatment can occur in romantic relationships or any type of relationship, including between parents, children, friends, and co-workers.

The silent treatment can also be part of a broader pattern of emotional control or abuse. When it is used regularly as a power game, it can make you feel rejected or excluded. Thus, this can have a huge impact on your self-esteem.

We have all dealt with someone with silence at some point in our lives. You may have found yourself getting so hurt by a friend that you haven't been able to talk to them for a while. Or maybe you were upset with your husband's behavior so you decided to calm down for a while. It's okay if you need some time to "relax" as long as you express it clearly and without manipulation or ill-will.

But intentional and long-term silent treatment is a form of social excluding that can cause severe emotional and even physical harm. It is a form of punishment and is usually used by toxic or narcissistic individuals for the purpose of establishing control. So let's take a closer look at what happens when someone treats us with punitive silence.

Is silent treatment an abuse?

The silent treatment is one of the worst forms of emotional abuse. It is also referred to as "mental killing" because the person giving you the silent treatment is "killing you" in their mind. They acts as if you weren't there, causing you a lot of pain. Research shows that our brains are designed to search for connections and connect. We thrive when we have a number of good and meaningful relationships. So when we face social ostracism in the form of silent treatment, it causes us a lot of anxiety and distress

Silent treatment, even if only for a short time, activates the anterior cingulate cortex - the part of the brain that detects physical pain, says Kipling Williams, professor of psychology at Purdue University. Notably, the initial pain is the same, regardless of whether this exclusion was made by strangers, close friends, or enemies. So the silent treatment is literally like suffering from physical pain. Think about that the next time you're ignorant of someone

According to medicalnewstoday, A person may be using silence in an abusive way if:

they intend to hurt another person with their silence
the silence lasts for extended periods of time
the silence only ends when they decide it does
they talk to other people but not to their partner
they seek alliances from others
they use silence to blame their partner and make them feel guilty
they use silence to manipulate or “improve” their partner, or to pressure them to change their behavior

Who use the silent treatment?

The usual use of the silent treatment is traits of two groups of individuals:

People with unhealthy communication skills.
People who have narcissistic, toxic, and passive-aggressive personalities.

People who find it difficult to communicate due to their poor emotional maturity learn to treat people silently as a form of punishment. These people usually react out of their egos, which means that they believe in the correctness of their position and become rigid with their opinions, beliefs, and/or experience.

On the other hand, those who have insufficient communication skills have no means of expressing pain or anger other than withdrawing and being silent. So, It is possible that they are re-enacting the communication patterns observed or acquired in their original families. Perhaps, when they were children, they were ignored or excluded when they misbehaved. Or you know that when you treat someone silently, you control the other person and get what you want. Even after they become adults, they continue to resort to the silent treatment every time they feel hurt, threatened, or rejected because they have no other coping skills.

In addition, the silent treatment, from their point of view, has many benefits. Unlike other types of abusive behavior, which is easy to reject. A person can pretend that they just need to "think" or "be alone", and that's why they ignore you. But if so, wouldn't they tell you that before they decided to cut off contact with you? But they
didn't do it because they wanted you to suffer. As if it was a punishment for you.

Silent treatment and the narcissistic personality

The silent treatment is a consistent behavior that is also typical of abusive relationships with a narcissist, sociopath, or other dominant type. In this context, the silent treatment is almost always a control tactic aimed at destroying you, devaluing your self-confidence, or undermining your self-esteem.

For example, when you confronted your narcissistic friend about something. He was acting angry and a complete rejection of your feelings and fears. All he had to say was a lot of terrible things, and then left, shutting the door hard on his way out. You find yourself immersed in feelings of shock and bewilderment.

What did you do wrong? Aren't your thoughts and feelings important to him? Maybe he misunderstood you. So when you try to reach him to explain your point of view or justify your position. You find that he does not answer your calls or messages. In fact, you cannot access it by any means. A week passes. Then another. Silence is still camping on the relationship. Finally, when you decided to swallow your pride and apologize to him personally. And once you do that, it reopens the channels of communication again, perhaps after imposing new terms on you.

So the scheme succeeded and he got exactly what he wanted.

First, he punished you for challenging him, so you'll think a lot before you do it again.
Second, he made you beg for forgiveness even when you did nothing wrong!
Third, establish his dominance over you.

This behavior is indicative of emotional abuse. It can make you feel worthless, and unloved. It can also put you in a state of mental agony, where you will have to do anything to break the siege of this silent treatment. It is unfortunately designed to be on your knees, so that you crawling back into the narcissist, you do not think about what is right and what is wrong. You just want the pain to stop and the silence to go away.

Also, narcissists excellent at identifying people's flaws and weaknesses, thus they are adept at knowing precisely which buttons to press to provoke a response from a target. Now, these slippery snakes will do everything in their power to drive their prey to the brink of hatred and anger before intensifying their grip on them. They will then start to guilt-trip their victim and act as though they are truly wounded by their behavior once they have gotten the explosive reaction they were after. They are excellent actors. This is a tried-and-true psychological trick that con artists use to make their prey feel bad about their outbursts. Additionally, in the majority of situations, it just serves to increase their determination to appease their abuser. Meaning it only reinforces the cycle of abuse.

How do you respond to the silent treatment?

The previous example with a narcissist shows that whoever gives you the silent treatment wants to intentionally cause you emotional pain so that you feel guilt, shame, confusion, and fear. They also wants you to chase after them and beg them to reconnect with you. Unfortunately, the silent treatment often works as intended because for the victim it is unbearable, and people will do anything to stop it. Also, if you are dealing with an abusive partner (not just someone who is emotionally immature), you are all set up to fight for some emotion. So it is difficult for you to bear the silent treatment.

Here're 5 Effective Ways To Handle & Respond To The Silent Treatment

1- Name the situation: Acknowledge that someone is using the silent treatment. As much as there will be times when you need to be the big-hearted person and apologize first. But when someone gives you the silent treatment, you're in the wrong place. If the person is clearly ignoring you without giving any verbal explanation or warning that they need a break to calm things down, this is emotional abuse.

2- Ignore Them: Trying to communicate with this person despite his refusal to respond to you will hurt you more and allow the harmful person to control you more and destroy your will. So, you need to back off and do not try to appease him/her in order to reconnect with you, or try to explain your situation, or apologize for a mistake you did not commit. Because if you do, it will encourage him/her to repeat this abusive behavior with you over and over again. Because now they know it will work like a charm.

3- Invest in Yourself: Do not let this silent treatment take over your thinking and make you confused and frustrated, or paralyze and freeze your daily life as if life had stopped when they gone. It end you sitting in a dark room and staring at his picture every night crying so hard that you fall asleep. on the contrary, start a new project, spend time with friends, go out, go on a journey that you have always wanted Do it or pursue a passion that the relationship forced you to neglect. The important thing is to use every moment of this time that is supposed to destroy you and undermine your will, to enhance your self-confidence and increase your self-awareness.

4- Set A Firm Boundaries : when they reappear (which will inevitably happen) and act as if nothing had happened, talk to them. Make it clear that the next time they use this behavior against you, you won't let them come back into your life. You will not tolerate anything that undermines your sense of respect. State exactly what’ll happen when boundaries are crossed, and follow through when yours are crossed. If there’s no hope that the other person will change, consider leaving the relationship.

5- Seeking for help: It is very important when subjected to the silent treatment to do the following: Keep in touch with your family and friends Talking with a trusted professional, such as a domestic violence therapist or attorney, who can discuss the person's options about a psychologically and legally appropriate response

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Ali Mousa Relationship Blogger & writer