8 Things You Should Never Tolerate in a Relationship

You may have heard the saying "love is blind". And this can be true - sometimes unhealthy emotional attachments make it hard to see the signs that you're in a bad relationship. Of course, no couple is perfect, and we all have a deep inner need to connect with other humans. And for love to work, it needs open and honest communication. On the flip side, there are things you should think about before you ever tolerate them in a relationship.

Naturally, we all have different tolerance levels. This means that some of us can often forgive certain things that others may not. Thus, understanding the behaviors that are major red flags for something unhealthy can help you find a satisfying partnership, whether it's with your current partner or in a future relationship.

Trust-breaking behaviors can range from not prioritizing your partner to physical, emotional, psychological or sexual abuse. And when it comes to abusive and toxic relationships, it is important to manage it well in order to make the right decision to protect yourself.

Here are 8 8 Things You Should Never Tolerate in a Relationship

1. Physical abuse:

Physical abuse basically involves someone using physical force against you, causing you harm. Physical abuse can include any of the following acts of violence:

Scratching or biting
pushing or shoving
slapping
kicking
choking or strangling
throwing things
force feeding or denying you food
using weapons or objects that could hurt you
physically restraining you (such as pinning you against a wall, floor, bed, etc.)
reckless driving
other acts that hurt or threaten you.

The abuser often blames another person, such as the victim, for saying or doing something that "caused" their violent behavior. Or he might say that his/her behavior was the result of being under the influence of alcohol or drugs, or feeling stressed or frustrated. It is also common for the abuser to feel remorse and to apologize after the assault. They may ask for forgiveness and promise not to do it again. This makes it more difficult for the victim of abuse to leave the relationship.

What you need to remember:

That their violent behavior is always their responsibility, not yours.
Abuse is never acceptable or justified.
Whatever they say, their violence is never acceptable.

Why do people stay?

The reasons are complex but range from fear to low self-esteem and a lack of a supportive network of friends. Also, after a moment of abuse, the abusive partner often turns to manipulation and making false excuses. These partners can be so good at this that you doubt yourself especially if you have no one to talk to.

2. Emotional abuse:

Emotional abuse involves controlling another person by using emotions to criticize, embarrass, shame, blame, or otherwise manipulate them. While most common in dating and married relationships, mental or emotional abuse can occur in any relationship—including among friends, family members, and co-workers.

When there is a pattern of verbal abuse and bullying conduct that wears down a person's self-esteem and undermine their mental health, it is emotionally abusive. The main target of emotional abuse is to isolate, discredit, and silence the victims in order to exert control over them. Its difficult to spot this type of abuse to because it can be sneaky and subtle. It can, however, also be overt and deceptive.

Emotional abuse can undermine your self-esteem in either case, and you can start to question your views and reality. Finally, you may feel trapped. While you find yourself getting emotionally abused too often to stay in the relationship, you are also afraid to leave. So, until something is done, the cycle will continue.

3. Stonewalling

Demeaning behavior in a relationship can involve ignoring your feelings and shutting you out. When someone stonewalls you, they refuse to answer you and might even walk away in mid-conversation.

There are many possible causes for this behavior, such as fear of a possible fight or desire to evade responsibility, but if someone does not have the desire to create an open conversation and takes responsibility for their behavior, you will reach a dead end.

Signs of stonewalling can include:

Ignoring what the other person is saying.
Changing the subject to avoid an uncomfortable topic.
Storming off without a word.
Coming up with reasons not to talk.
Refusing to answer questions.
Making accusations rather than talking about the current problem.

4. Manipulation and control:

Perhaps your partner tries to control what you do and when you do it. Or maybe they expect you to fall in line with their values, no questions asked. There are many ways your partner can be controlling, and these behaviors are not OK.

It is not always easy to spot manipulation, but deep down, you will know that something is not right and that these are things that you should never tolerate in a relationship. Sometimes people manipulate or control by making others feel guilty or by threatening to quit. Then they reward you with their so-called loving presence after you give them what they want.

5. Gaslighting:

Gaslighting is a common feature of control in toxic relationships. It is a form of manipulation that often occurs in abusive relationships. In other words, it is a subtle type of emotional abuse in which the bully or the aggressor misleads his victims, creating a false narrative and causing them to question their judgments and reality.

Thus, “any psychological manipulation of a person, usually over a long period of time, causes the victim to question the validity of her thoughts, perception of reality, or her memories and usually leads to her feeling confused, loss of confidence and self-esteem, uncertainty of emotional or mental stability, and dependence on the manipulator.”

Your partner may try to convince you that your fears are "ridiculous" or unfounded, or they may respond to your hurt feelings with "it was just a joke" or "mild it up." Or he may use lying, denial, or shifting blame as tools to mislead you.

6. BREAK YOUR TRUST :

Trust is an essential component of a strong relationship, but it doesn't happen quickly. But once it's broken, it's hard to rebuild. When you think of circumstances that could lead you to lose faith in your partner, infidelity may immediately come to mind. But cheating isn't the only way to break trust in a relationship. Other possibilities for a trust breach include:

Going back on your words or not keeping promises
Not being there for your partner in their time of need
Withhold or keep something
Lying or manipulating

7. Your partner is trying to isolate you:

Independence is an important part of any healthy relationship, so when the abusive partner is trying to isolate you from your loved ones and hobbies , this is a sign that your partner is trying to assert their dominance at the expense of your happiness, personal relationships, and self-care. However, while isolation behaviors can be difficult to detect, it is not impossible to identify them.

Here are five warning signs that your partner is cutting you off from your support network.

Your partner insists on taking up too much of your time
Your partner refuses to interact with your friends and family
Your partner makes up reasons to stop you from seeing friends and family
Your partner uses jealousy, guilt, or other emotional manipulation Your partner is insist to know all your passwords

There are many explanations for why they act this way, and they are all bad. Your partner may know that your friends refuse the relationship for good reasons, and therefore tries to keep you away from people who will point out serious flaws and fears. Or they may be insecure or jealous of your interactions with others. But your personal relationships and lifestyle are important, so any partner trying to empty your life is not to be overlooked.

8. Ignoring Boundaries:

Great relationship are built on a solid foundation of trust, respect and mutual understanding of each other's differences. This is why the things you should never tolerate in a relationship include someone who is intentionally ignoring your limits and needs.

Boundaries are guidelines about how you want to be treated and how your needs can be met. This affects your mental health, and if ignored, it will build up over time into resentment and even potential exhaustion. The purpose of boundaries is to establish and reinforce mutual respect, by drawing a line between what is acceptable and what is not.

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Ali Mousa Relationship Blogger & writer