10 Signs Of Emotional Abuse In a Relationship & How To Deal With It

10 Signs Of Emotional Abuse In a Relationship & How To Deal With It

Being in an emotionally abusive relationship is like being in hell 24/7, lied to, humiliated, and abused day in and day out. The worst part about this tragedy, is when you are made to feel that there is nothing wrong and that you are simply imagining everything.

Emotional abuse involves controlling another person by using emotions to criticize, embarrass, shame, blame, or otherwise manipulate them. While mental or emotional abuse is most common in marital and dating relationships, it can happen in any relationship — including between friends, family members, and co-workers.

In general, an emotionally abusive relationship is when there is a consistent pattern of abusive words and bullying behaviors that lower a person's self-esteem and undermine their mental health. The abuser's goal is to influence and control his victim's emotions, objective reasoning, and behavior. 

Abuse may be covert and subtle through actions that appear normal and disguised but are clearly deceptive and manipulative. The abuser systematically erodes your self-confidence, perception, and self-worth through subtle hints, lies, blame, accusation, and denial.

The abuser reinforces your feelings of fear, intimidation, instability, and unpredictability. Through trickery and sarcasm, they will steadily push you over the edge until you explode into a rage, and then you become the "bad guy" who gives them the ammunition they need to justify their hurtful actions towards you.

If you are experiencing any of the following 10 things, you are in an emotionally abusive relationship. 

1. Accusation and blame. 

When the abusive party blames you for problems or shortcomings in your relationship. You find him/her saying things, like, "It's your fault." What's wrong with you?" "You're in charge." "You're not doing enough.

2. Withholding.

Withholding is when he/she refuses to listen to you or your concerns or feelings, or ignores your questions, or they may withhold eye contact and give you the "silent treatment." You may feel this person is punishing you for things you know nothing about! Thy may refuse to provide you with information about where they are going, or about financial resources and bank accounts. They withholds approval, appreciation, affection, information, thoughts, and feelings to devalue and control you. 

3. Blocking and diverting. 

This happens when they refuse to discuss an issue or interrupting the conversation inappropriately. Pretend to watch TV or leave the room during a conversation. They criticize you in such a way that you defend yourself and losing sight of the original conversation.

4. Countering. 

When an abuser rejects or opposes your ideas or invalidates your perceptions or experience of life itself. No matter what you say, they will use contradictory arguments to frustrate and tire you out. The inconvenient truth here is that their goal is to "spoil the moment". And if I say, "It's a beautiful day," he'll say, "What's so great about that, bad weather." If you say you like sushi, he'll say, "Are you kidding, parasites will hurt you."

5. Denial. 

The abusive person will deny their experience of abusing you. They'll tell you that you're overly sensitive, that you fantasize about things that aren't true, or that you make up things that make you unhappy. It distorts the truth and distorts your reality, causing you to mistrust your perception and the reality of his abuse.

6. Underestimating humor.

Sarcasm is a type of passive aggression in which the abuser disguises his/her lack of self-esteem or their inability to directly express their negative feelings. Verbal abuse is often disguised as jokes. Your abuser teases, taunts, and insults you with sarcastic remarks about your appearance, personality, abilities, and values. They make fun of you in front of your friends and family because he knows you'll avoid confrontation in public. If you ask them to stop, they tell you that you're too sensitive or you can't joke around.

7. Crazy-Making. 

They use a mixture of distortion, blame, forgetting, stonewalling, and denial to confuse, frustrate, and drive you to the brink of madness. they deny the truth and twists or distorts your words and puts you in the position of self-defense. they want you to doubt yourself, your reality, and your ability to think. 

Over time, you will find yourself forgetting and not remembering events and dates. You will find that you are so confused that you question the veracity of your version of events.

Related Article: 7 Things You Should Never Do When You're Around Toxic People

8. Judgment and criticism. 

We often use criticism as a form of self-protection. It is much easier to piss off our partner by telling them that they are the cause of the problems than to let go of the armor of criticism and say, “My needs are not being met. Criticizing your partner for expressing a complaint the latter is about a specific issue, while criticism is attacking your partner's personality. 

In emotionally abusive relationships, your partner will criticize you harshly and unfairly, and then describe his behavior as "constructive" criticism. And if you object, they will tell you that he/she is only out to help you by making you feel irresponsible and guilty.

9. Undermining.

At this phase, they will break promises and fails to follow through on agreements. It belittles your efforts, interests, hobbies, achievements, and interests. He/she underestimates your ideas and suggestions. If you suggest a restaurant or vacation destination, he says, "The food sucks at that place!" and “Why do you want to go to this place? It's only a tourist trap!”

10. Forgetting. 

In this tactic, he/she will "intentionally" forget the things that matter to you or the tasks you assign him to, forget to pay bills, or miss attending an event or doctor's appointment with you. It is a type of "passive aggression" where people act in this way because they are afraid of losing control, because they feel insecure, or because they lack self-esteem. They may do this to cope with stress, anxiety, depression, or insecurity, or to deal with rejection or conflict directly. Alternatively, they may be intentionally forgetful because they have a grudge against a colleague or feel unappreciated and unable to directly express their negative feelings.

In the end, you will lose confidence in yourself and your ideas. Your self-esteem will be affected, and you will become in a state of constant fear and reluctance to present your ideas or express your convictions for fear of being criticized or ridiculed.

How do you deal with emotional abuse

1- Be aware of the signs of emotional abuse. 

Emotional abuse aims to make you feel small and strip you of your independence and self-worth. Your partner may make you feel isolated, or they may resort to intimidating or controlling behavior. While your partner may not use physical force, they may threaten violence. 

Also, your partner may limit your freedom, insult you, and belittle you, your family, or your profession. Emotionally abusive behavior patterns can also extend to controlling financial resources, monitoring you, and spying on you.

2- Control your feelings and reactions. 

Abusers are manipulative people par excellence, and they may provoke you to the point of breaking down, and then blame you for everything you might do later on. While it may be difficult to rein in your temper, remember that it is a trap, and you may be the one to suffer the consequences. Even when provoked. Try to control your impulses by temporarily turning away or taking deep breaths.

3- Take care of yourself.

Don't let them control your mind. Remind yourself that the abuse was not your fault and don't take it personally. No one deserves to be mistreated in any capacity, remind yourself that you don't deserve to be treated as such. Find some ways and self-care activities that can help you be happier, less stressed, and more confident in yourself.

Keep journaling, go for a walk, and engage in activities that you find enjoyable, such as drawing, walking, or participating in a sports activity.

4- Ask for support. 

Victims of emotional abuse are often reluctant to seek help or tell friends and family about their relationship concerns because they fear not being believed or taken seriously. Trust your friends and family members and ask for their support. Tell them what's going on and that you'd like to help, but don't become isolated, embarrassed, or afraid of their reaction. 

You can also contact a professional to help you deal with any feelings of depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress or anger. A therapist can help you deal with the situation, overcome the difficult feelings you may have, organize your thoughts, and regain your confidence in order to make the right decision.

5- Know when to say goodbye. 

Sometimes, relationships are toxic and unsalvageable. For your own sake and for the sake of your mental health, try very hard to realize as early as possible whether or not this relationship is worth working on. Remember that the person who abuses you is unlikely to change.

Don't allow yourself to cling to the relationship because you're afraid of letting go. Remind yourself of all the pain this person has caused you, and that you better stay away from them. It may be hard to imagine your life without the relationship, but you deserve to be treated with more respect. 

Don't let the abuse continue or make excuses for your partner's behavior. Just think about the obstacles that stand in the way of making the right decision and how to deal with them.