10 Mistakes to Avoid When Going No Contact with a Narcissist

10 Mistakes to Avoid When Going No Contact with a Narcissist

No contact rule is a strategy in order to cut ties with a narcissist, sociopath or other abuser. As the name suggests, it is about stopping all kinds of communication with the emotional abuser and cutting all ties with them so that we can no longer communicate with them in any way. it includes no texting, no calling, and no interacting on social media. Not even birthday greetings or justifying the need to attend an event of his own.

Going no contact with a narcissist can be a challenging and emotional process.  It's crucial to handle it cautiously and steer clear of any errors that can end up making the problem worse.

It can be risky and difficult to leave a narcissist. When someone tries to place limits between them or end the connection entirely, narcissists feel rejected. They are unable to accept breakup in the manner of an average individual. They can do anything to keep you from leaving, to remain, their narcissistic nutritional supply.

They can do many malicious reactions in order to regain control over you, including:

• Pretend to be a good and attentive partner all over again 
• They can remind you of your past mistakes (or the things that looked like mistakes to them to make you fell guilty.
• The narc may also launch a smear campaign against you to those close to you.
• They may spread lies to your friends, family or colleagues just so as to tempt you to react to the false allegations.

 Here are 10 mistakes to avoid when going no contact with a narcissist:

1-Not setting clear boundaries:

It's important to clearly communicate your boundaries and expectations when going no contact with a narcissist. Your boundaries protect you from potential gaslighting or manipulation.
Part of healthy boundaries is to also set limits on yourself. Here you will need to set limits on fantasy thinking. You do this by reminding yourself that you left for a reason.

Additionally, you must establish limits for your urges to contact or speak with your ex. To do this, practice being aware of your urges, controlling negative thoughts, and, and distracting yourself – as often as needed.

When you establish your boundaries, you are protecting yourself from getting sucked back into a painful cycle of abuse. You are also allowing yourself to cultivate greater self-love that protects you from ever wanting to get back with the narcissist.

2-Engaging in arguments: 

Narcissists thrive on drama and conflict. Engaging in arguments or trying to reason with them will only fuel their behavior and make the situation worse. When arguing with a narcissistic partner, expect them to say provocative and abusive things, it's even allowing them to implicate you in feelings of guilt and self-defense by surrounding you with criticism and accusation from every direction.

3-Giving in to guilt or manipulation: 

Narcissists are experts at guilt-tripping and manipulating others. It's important to recognize these tactics and not give in to them.

It is very important at this stage to get rid of guilt. Remember why you decided to break up with that narcissist? The hard part about overcoming a narcissist is that our memories rot so easily.

They abuse you over and over again and run off just like that. This is mainly because we forgive and forget. We go back to phase one as if nothing ever happened, and when they finally abuse you so badly that you decide to break up, you can't remember the abuse they did earlier, and you feel guilty that you abandoned them or left them in a way that made them angry or looked like you were a traitor.

4-Breaking no contact: 

It's important to stick to your decision to go no contact and not break it, even if the narcissist tries to contact you. In an attempt to test whether their victim can be pulled back into another cycle of abuse, a narcissist may reach for hoovering. They may use manipulation, lies, false promises, or they are in crisis and need you to tickle your feelings, calling the savior or empath in you, to convince the target to return to the dysfunctional relationship.

Related Article: 5 Things You Should NEVER Do With A Narcissist

5-Not seeking support: 

Going no contact with a narcissist can be emotionally challenging. It's important to seek support from friends, family, or a therapist to help you through the process. As you still in the weakened state, you may want to ask them to check in on you on a daily basis for the first few weeks as you make the initial transition. Also, you need to contact with a therapist who can help you identify issues, even when unpleasant, in a way that feels supportive and helps to avoid denial. Also, he can guide you as you rebuild reality can be immensely helpful.

6-Not taking care of yourself: 

It's important to prioritize self-care during this time. This includes eating well, getting enough sleep, and exercising regularly.

Part of the emotional abuse recovery process is taking care of yourself. When you're in an abusive relationship, you can quickly lose sight of what a normal, healthy lifestyle should look like. Loss of self-esteem is one of the distinct consequences for victims of emotional abuse because they are led to believe that they are not important or that they are not valuable. We take care of the people who matter to us. When you take care of your needs, you will begin to develop the belief that you matter

7-Blaming yourself:

Narcissists are skilled at making others feel responsible for their behavior. It's important to remember that their behavior is not your fault. On the other hand, you may feel ashamed that you let the wool be pulled over your eyes for so long. You may wonder how could you be so "naive," "stupid," or "gullible." You may especially feel ashamed when you are with family or friends who were tuned in long before you were.

8- looking at their social media

It can be tempting to keep checking your ex's social media accounts during no contact phase to see what they're up to. Although curiosity in and of itself is not harmful, scrolling through your ex's feed is not a wise move if they were a narcissist.

Narcissists, particularly covert ones, prey on your sympathy by portraying themselves as depressed, neurotic introverts with no friends. They use that to draw you in and make you feel responsible for them all the time.

It's a clear indication that you've moved on when you stop caring about what they're up to or who they're doing it with. 

9-Not documenting abusive behavior:

If the narcissist has a history of abusive behavior, it's important to document it for your own safety and protection. Journaling can help you make sense of your thoughts and feelings. It can help you gain perspective. And it can help you work out what to do next. If you’re keeping a record of abusive behaviors, make a note of dates and times as well as the names of any witnesses to the behavior. What happened? What was said? How did it make you feel?

Documenting can help you believe in yourself. If gaslighting has eaten away at your self-esteem and made you feel confused and disorientated, keeping a journal can help you take back some control.

10-Underestimating the power of the narcissist: 

A narcissist’s end game tactics are varied. If he still sees value in the relationship, they may try to win you back so he can resume his control and abuse of you. Thy will throw everything at you to get you back. It's important to recognize their power and take steps to protect yourself.