6 Things To Know Before Making A Decision Regarding An Abusive Relationship

6 Things To Know Before Making A Decision Regarding An Abusive Relationship

If you are in an abusive relationship, why not leave?

This is the question many people ask when they know that the victim is suffering from  for being battered or abused. But if you are in an abusive or a toxic relationship such as the relationship with the narcissist or other psychopath, then you know that it is not so simple. Ending a toxic relationship is not easy. It is even more difficult when you are isolated from your family and friends, subjected to psychological manipulation, financially controlled, and physically threatened.

If you are confused about whether to stay or leave, you may feel overwhelmed, uncertain, fearful and torn apart. You may still be hoping your situation will change or fear your partner's reaction if he finds out that you are trying to leave. 

You might desperately want to walk away, and the next day, you might want to stick to the relationship. You may blame yourself for enduring the abuse or feel vulnerable and embarrassed because you're stuck nonetheless. 

However, don't limit yourself to just feelings of confusion, guilt, or self-blame. The only thing that matters is your safety.

If you are being abused, remember:

• You are not responsible for being battered or abused 
• You are not the cause of your partner's abusive behavior. 
• You deserve to be treated with respect. 
• You deserve a safe and happy life. 
• Your children deserve a safe and happy life. 
• You are not alone. There are people waiting to help.

Decision Making Regarding  An Abusive Relationship 

When faced with the decision to end an abusive relationship or try to beautify it, keep the following things in mind: 

1- If you were hoping that your abusive partner would change ... the abuse is likely to continue. 

Abusers like the narcissist or psychopath have profound emotional and psychological problems. While change may seem impossible, it is not quick or easy. And change can only happen once the offending person takes full responsibility for their behavior, seeks professional treatment, and stops blaming you or their unhappy childhood, stress, work, drinking, or mood. This often does not happen with a narcissistic or psychopathic personality

2- If you think that you can help the abuser in the same way as you do ... the abuse will not end 

It is only natural to want to help your partner. You may think that you are the only person who understands him or that it is your responsibility to fix his problems. But the truth is that your decision to stay and accept repeated abuse, you are reinforcing responsible behavior. Instead of helping the person who attacks you, you are perpetuating the problem, not solving it. 

3- If your partner has promised to stop the abuse ... when faced with the consequences , he may manipulate you

Abusers often demand another opportunity, beg for forgiveness, and promise change. They may even mean what they say at the moment, but their real goal is to maintain control and keep you from leaving. Most of the time, they quickly revert to their abusive behavior once you forgive them and they are no longer worried that you will leave.

4- Be careful even if your partner is in counseling or a behavior modification program 

Even if your partner is in same counseling with you , there is no guarantee that he will change. Many of the abusers who undergo counseling continue to suffer violence, abuse, and control. If your partner stops minimizing the problem or making up excuses, this is a good sign, but beware because the narcissist or manipulator is a clever and cunning person, you still need to make your decision based on who he is now, not the person you wish him to be.

5- Do not let fear limit your decision

If you are worried about what will happen if you leave ... you may fear what your abusive partner will do, where you will go, or how you will support yourself or your children. But don't let fear of the unknown keep you in a dangerous and unhealthy situation. 

6- Be fully aware of the signs that show if your partner has changed or not.

In order not to make wrong decisions that you may regret throughout your life, you must be honest with yourself and aware as much as possible in your evaluation of the other party without allowing your feelings of attachment to control your decision or your vision of things. 

So there are  definite Signs that your abuser is NOT changing:

• He minimizes the abuse or denies how serious it really was.
• He continues to blame others for his behavior.
• He claims that you’re the one who is abusive.
• He pressures you to go to couple’s counseling.
• He tells you that you owe him another chance.
• You have to push him to stay in treatment.
• He says that he can’t change unless you stay with him and support him.
• He tries to get sympathy from you, your children, or your family and friends.
• He expects something from you in exchange for getting help.
• He pressures you to make decisions about the relationship.

Source:

helpguide.org