6 Toxic Ways A Narcissist Will Argue With You

6  Toxic Ways A Narcissist Will Argue With You

When you argue with a narcissist, it is always an uphill climb until there is nowhere else to go but down. And the only way down is either a fall to your death, or you can choose to climb down safely. We all know the cliché everything that goes up must come down…., well that is the truth when you argue with a narcissist. Your life is at risk when you argue with a narcissist. They have no filter and are capable of anything.

When you argue with a narcissist, you lose credibility. Power is a dangerous thing, and a narcissist knows how to get what he wants from unsuspecting and innocent people.The argument jar is filled to the very top until one day; it overflows with resentment.

The narcissist must win no matter what the argument is about. It goes on and on until one of you surrenders. And it is never the narcissist.

Here are 6 Ways A Narcissist Will Argue With You

1- Projection.

This defence mechanism plays out in many ways but ultimately aims to distract the other party and make them carry the emotional burden. By shifting the blame the argument then becomes about the
other party proving their innocence, thus allowing the narcissists behavior to slip past.

Narcissists are masterful blame shifters. They will literally stop at nothing to avoid accountability. They will often blame the other party for all the things they themselves are doing, or have done.

When confronted with the narcissist he will immediately become defensive. You will feel it coming. The narcissist works on how to launch his attack on you and turn him into a bad person.

2- Excuses.

The narcissist always sees "reasons" that justify their behavior. Often these “causes” include “omission,” meaning blaming you for what you did. These could be things like, “You did this because you were pissing me off and wanted to feel what it meant to be treated this way”  or “But I said or did it” ... (when They never did).

Excuses are about avoiding responsibility, regret, and repairing the damage. Basically, when a narcissist uses excuses, the message is, "I will not be held accountable, because I have done nothing wrong." This completely reduces your experience of being hurt, deceived, or betrayed by a narcissist who refuses to admit it.

3- False apology.

When a narcissist says: "I said I'm sorry, what more do you want?" Or “I'm sorry… but… (expectations or excuses)” These are not apologies. A decent, sincere and true apology is a complete acceptance of responsibility without excuses and defenses, and a declared commitment followed by work to restore faith and trust. Something like, “I'm sorry, I know what I did and how it hurts you, I promise I'll never do it to you again” is a good start. Then the action required to back it up is evidence. words followed by action

Apologies are not just words. It is a dedicated restoration and devotion to work. When you argue with a narcissist, you will feel very upset when you receive apologies that are not apologies. You know when to feel these words - because of how emotionally they land in your body - in terms of how true they really are. 

Then, of course, you'll press for a more honest apology, because you just can't believe these hollow words. Don't feel safe! Then the narcissist turns on you and accuses you of not trusting them, or having problems from your past means that you have been hurt so much that you do not trust people, or that you compare him or them or other people, and all kinds of distractions to try to persuade you to give up the necessary limit of not accepting an apology unless it is That is real.

Then, of course, the narcissist will re-offend and you'll find yourself in the same place again. If someone really isn't feeling remorse through speech and action, then it isn't safe for you to be in a relationship with them.

Related:

 Why do narcissists lie so much? Do they realize that they are lying?

4- Refuse to stay on topic

When the narcissist is under scrutiny, he or she is an expert at taking the argument off topic. This is when they will bring up things about you that have nothing to do with the issue at hand. Then a particular conversation turns into a three-ring circus, going down all sorts of paths that make your head spin. These could be comments about speaking in a condescending tone or using confrontational body language. Really, a narcissist might throw any little nugget on you that she's harboring against you, no matter how unrelated it is.

The narcissist might drop the bomb about the way he thought about leaving you or that he had fallen in love, or that he decided that something would be removed or withheld from you. A narcissist can use emotional distress - destroying your deepest desires, or stirring your deepest fears, against you, without a conscience. Why would a narcissist use this tactic? It's all too easy to punish you for trying to hold his fragile, insecure ego accountable.

5-Threats

When a narcissist’s cover is threatened in any way they suffer what is known as a ‘narcissistic injury’. This blow to their ego often induces ‘narcissistic rage’. To a narcissist a threat might be someone giving them an ultimatum, someone trying to expose their lies or, someone promising to leave the relationship with them. A wounded narcissist is literally capable of anything.

They might threaten to;

• Call your boss and tell them a lie so you lose your job
• Tell your partner you’ve been cheating on them so they break up with you
• Stop you having contact with your family
• Kill you

In a nutshell your perceived ‘disobedience’ enrages them. The very fact that you would question their control over you bruises their self-esteem and makes them think YOU think you are better than them. When it comes to a narcissist it’s all about winners and losers. You know which they prefer to be! Threats are the narcissist’s attempt to terrify you into compliance. They are a last resort when the narcissist seems to have lost all control.

6-Triangulation

This tactic can be extremely destructive to a person’s sense of self. It can involve all sorts of scenarios but what it basically means is bringing in a third party (literally or not) to back the narcissist’s case or to make you question your own abilities, worthiness or sanity.

It might mean that they compare you to their ex…

“My ex-girlfriend was so fit and sexy. Why aren’t you?”

It might also be them bringing in a mutual friend…

“See, xxx thinks you’re a sh!t wife too!”

“xxx told me you’re crazy and incapable. She sees it too!”

And in the context of a workplace it might look like…

“If only your work was as good as xxx’s!”

“What have you been doing for the last 2 hours? xxx has done so much more than you!”

When you are living in the bubble of abuse these statements really erode your confidence thus making you do all sorts of things you wouldn’t normally do. By triangulating you the narc is further sucking you into their web of manipulation!

Finally:

When you argue with a normal person, it can have a purpose – things get resolved, you compromise, and the air is cleared – but when you argue with a narcissist – there is no purpose – and there is no need to miss it or want it or need it – It is poison.
A narcissist is never sorry to see you go; they live to argue, just like a vampire only wants to suck your blood.

Walk away from every argument – leave a narcissist and stop creating new victims.

Read Also: 7 effective ways to deal with Gaslighting