8 Smart Ways To Handle An Argument With A Narcissist

If you have to deal with a narcissist, you should know that narcissists love to argue. They enjoy watching your reactions, hearing their own voices, and making accusations. These arguments often lead nowhere because there is no real intention to solve anything. All they care about is proving that they are always right.

Narcissists will rarely admit they are wrong or let you express yourself freely. If you try to stand up for yourself and express your needs, they may turn the whole argument against you and make everything about themselves.

So, what is the right way to handle an argument with a narcissist? How can you express your feelings without getting dragged into endless arguments?

Here are 8 smart ways to handle an argument with a narcissist.

How To Win An Argument With A Narcissist:

1- Hold on to your reality.

Gaslighting only works if you doubt your own reality. Hold on to it tightly, and do not second-guess yourself. When they say “you are being too sensitive” or “that didn’t happen” don’t attempt to correct them. Smile inwardly knowing you are being gaslighted, and don’t get sucked into their manipulative abyss.

2- Arguing gives narcissists the advantage of control.

The main point to note here is that the main goal of a narcissist is CONTROL. They must always remain in control; On top. They will do whatever it takes to get what they want. These people know exactly what they're doing. Narcissists like to manipulate people in order to get what they want. They will give you ultimatums, or blame you for not taking care of them, accuse you of cheating, lying about your illness, and they'll stop at nothing to pull you down. One point that everyone always gets wrong is thinking that arguing with a narcissist is about getting your point across. It is not like this.

Narcissists just want to appear as the winners of the argument. They don't care what you have to say. They will lie and manipulate, only to emerge victorious. They like it. It is like a game to them. This is an important point to note when learning how to win an argument with a narcissist.

3- Keep your voice calm and stay composed.

When the narcissist rages and yells, don’t meet their volume. Instead, keep the calm and steady tone that a person would use when trying to reason with a tantruming child. If you become so frustrated that you start yelling as loudly as they are, you may find that they’ll abruptly stop yelling themselves, and calmly say to you, “Hey, you need to calm down—why are you getting so worked up?” That leaves you feeling disoriented, defensive, and tempted to start arguing about whose reality is correct.

4- Choose your battels.

Most arguments with narcissists are a waste of time because it’s not going to be possible to change their mind or get them to agree with you. Avoid them when possible.
Stand up for yourself when the matter really matters. There are arguments that you need to take your position. These can be things like money, family duties, parenthood, and these require you to articulate your point of view in a neutral way. However, this will not be the end of the controversy.

They will keep repeating their points, insisting that you failed as a person. They will continue to shock you, trying to fight a huge battle. Keep stating your point, and try not to say anything else, as that gives them ammunition to delve into hurting you, hitting you from any and all angles of attack.

5- Narcissists lack empathy.

The other thing you need to be aware of when dealing with narcissists is that they completely lack any empathy. They are not afraid to hurt you in an argument. When I argue with anyone who lacks sympathy, I will say something hurtful but I will immediately apologize and feel bad. But is it the same with narcissists? They don't feel that.

A victim of narcissistic abuse hopes for understanding with the narcissist. They try to say things a certain way, and keep changing the wording, hoping to gain some understanding and recognition of their feelings. They keep waiting for the day when narcissists give them the validation they're looking for.

6- Don’t defend or explain yourself.

Narcissists don't want to understand you. They are not interested in your point of view. they do not care. They don't even want to try to see what you have to say. All they care about is their opinion. You should be aware of this when learning how to gain an argument with a narcissist.

your defenses and explanations are just going to leave you confused and distracted when they dismiss and deny them. Their attacks will feel personal, and most arguments are.

Another thing within narcissists' argumentative skills is "separation." If you come up with a formula for expressing your feelings towards them, they will cut you off altogether, or ask you to shut up and leave. They do not respect anyone but themselves.

7- Avoid confrontation during lying and defamation campaigns.

It may seem like this might backfire but listen: there is hardly any profit in an argument with a narcissist. I understand that most of us cannot take a threat to our integrity, but you have to learn that narcissists are not normal people. Narcissists make up lies to provoke anger. They slander you and launch smear campaigns to discredit you in front of others. This causes you to confront them about their strange behavior and how blatantly they are lying. They enjoy bringing you to them like a leash puppy or a fish on bait.

Narcissists don't care that they're lying. This is exactly what they love. Remember, the person who wins is the person who maintains their inner peace by not engaging in narcissistic taunts.

8- Don't take the bait yourself

You must be aware of the topics that do not make sense. Narcissists want to watch you turn. This is why you need to look closely at the nature of this argument and determine whether it is worth your time. Sometimes narcissists want to urge you to respond and stand up for yourself. They will lie and fake things about you. They will accuse you of being mean to them.

They will spark your anger and get you to pick up a line in the defense. This is why you need to be aware of the nature of the debate. You have to be aware of the type of person you are dealing with. They want to make you angry. You have to learn to stay away from meaningless fights.

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Ali Mousa Relationship Blogger & writer