4 Reasons Why Narcissists "Recycle" Their Partners
One of the most common questions that people ask me early in their recovery
from narcissistic abuse is "Will the narcissist return to me?" And
unfortunately, I can often tell them yes, this is very likely. These
narcissists recycle people - specifically, the people they have in
relationships with.
“While with someone, they are loyal; but once they get bored or injured by the narcissist, they move on to the next available person in their group. Over time, they put together a group of deluded lovers who want to take them back over and over again. If no one withdraws, it can persist. This pattern is indefinite.Eventually, most lovers realize that there are others in the group, but either give in to the situation or have their own reasons for accepting it.
So how does "narcissistic recycling" happen? A narcissist has their own set of "options" - the sources of supply - and although there may be an occasional new addition or temporary member of the group, there are very few who have remained in their positions for years or even decades. Since the narcissist is navigating through the stage of idealism, devaluation, ignoring, and dropping one, he is often in a different part of the cycle with the other. But in any case, the "re-perfection" part is often facilitated by the Hoover maneuver.
You might think it's over - but often, the narcissist has other ideas. In fact, all too often, a narcissist will do something to suck you back into their drama - or even get back completely into the relationship - using a technique called hoovering.
Narcissistic hoovering : refers to attempts made by the narcissist to bring you back into their life – often after a period of distance on your part. Especially if this is a new behavior for you, the narcissist might hold off for a short while to see if you're really serious about creating that distance
It occurs when a narcissist "sucks you again" after they let go or end the relationship, or after they get rid of you. They might use some kind of personal problem or dramatic problem to get you back in, or they might use a love blast. Hoovering is always an attempt to get more of the narcissistic supply from you, and in many cases, it can be an attempt to reconcile the relationship. It can also be just a manipulative tactic used to get you to break no contact.
Here are 4 reasons Why Narcissists Try to "Recycle" Their Partners
1. The narcissist returns to keep an ex-partner trapped in an emotional roller coaster, manipulated by lies and illusions, stuck in the same patterns of hope, then let down and helplessness.
A narcissist can only be understood from their perspective of the world, never from yours! He is proud of being known to be ruthless, ruthless towards a woman's pain, a fierce competitor who vies to hold onto every bit of strength in the relationship, and render his partner impotent. (The subtle narcissist does this in subtle ways, painting himself as a as a nice, laid back guy, controlled and emasculated by his partner.)
He lusts to hate and be hated, and is pleased to no end when he can get his partner to say she hates him, and to act out violently toward him. (Unlike him, she will likely feel bad afterward; this gives him double pleasure, and makes it easier to blame and fault her.) Thus he works to make her feel every bit as miserable, self-loathing, scheming, vying for power, ruthless, unfeeling, detached, and so on, as he is.He works hard to make her fear and hate him.
Though he’d deny it, he fears emotions of vulnerability as signs of weaknesses and inferiority, and works hard to deny, reject, suppress them in himself and other males. These emotions consist of his true-self, at least when he was born. His upbringing that him to fear and reject his true-self! It means his false-self does not exist! He’s been shamed from boyhood, conditioned to train himself to deny and disown any of emotions of tenderness — that would prevent him from displaying “real” man feelings such as no remorse and callousness toward a woman’s pain!
2. The narcissist returns because, in their minds, they view people as objects and in this case possessions.
For narcissists, a partner is just prey, something that serves their happiness. From a confused view of human relationships, the narcissist views failure as a threat. For him , it's unreasonable for him to lose control of someone who intentionally trapped him with a whole host of narcissistic abuse tactics
He is back to prove who is "the best" and who is "the lowest" by re-verifying ownership. He returns to show that he controls, for example, the ability to destabilize the lives of others, deceive and love them with lies to believe in more fanciful delusions, again, just to let them down, to exploit and use them like beating. Bags, and so on.
In a narcissist's mind, possession is always possession. Leaving is never an option. Things do not leave. They do not have a mind of their own. It serves the whims of the owners. In the case of malignant narcissists (APDs), this explains why they are leaving, or being asked to leave, when they are exposing the greatest danger and danger to others.
3. A narcissist is an addict, and thus always preoccupied with their next fix.
The narcissist views others as things that can be used for personal
gain. It strives to re-engage a tried and true drug source, and reopen the
old wounds of a former heartless partner in order to "re-enable" the supply.
For him, the former partner is nothing more than a place to get a "fix."
They
return when they run out of repairs, or in times of scarcity but also, like
a juggler, to keep the source of supply running and available. Now you can
tell, why would someone do that? Do they not have a life? Based on a
narcissistic view of the world muddled with thought, and the use of others
to obtain a solution, what is life and pleasure.
Every reform, for the narcissist, is a victory, which heightens his false self-sense of superiority. This is fix it, period. And when he acts and says loving and caring things, this is not love, it is the bombing of love, and it is a tactic used as part of a larger strategy, in this case, to disarm the "human" species that preys on it and look down.
With contempt to earn their trust. Remember, they study and recognize their prey, and most of them are women. When they love the bomb, they knowingly talk in ways that make women feel faint - an ulterior motive to exploit them. Everything it says and does serve to get you the next fix, and then the next.
4. The narcissist returns to prove (what he sees) his “entitlements”
to exploitation and abuse with impunity.
For a narcissist, an ex-partner is a sexual being that he or she has the right to exploit forever. He is back to prove that he still has the power to abuse her however he pleases, and in return he expects that she treats him as impeccable, and he is always ready to protect and maintain double standards When it comes to benefits.
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