5 Forms Of Denial Narcissist Use To Manipulate You

Denial

One of the most important defense mechanisms is "denial". but this is not unconscious denial, such as not realizing that you have been abused, or that you are addicted, or avoiding facing hard facts. This is conscious denial to disavow knowledge of promises, agreements, and behavior. Troubled personalities often use denial (i.e., unwillingness to admit their mistake) as a tactic to pretend innocence, and to control others

Narcissists already have shaky and low self-esteem, so they try to hide it with fake confidence. An important part of this defense mechanism is never admitting that they are wrong. Some may sometimes admit small mistakes in order to prove that they can, indeed, admit to something after all, but it is deception.

Narcissists Denying to protect themselves from feelings of inferiority and shame, narcissists must always deny their shortcomings, cruelties, and mistakes. Often, they will do so by projecting their own faults on to others.

Even if you show them clear evidence of something they did, they will deny it or say they don't remember it. They will say you got it wrong and they will rewrite the account of what they meant. In the process, they own nothing about it

They will never take ownership of their actions !
They will always blame someone else !
They will always play the victim !

And don't be fooled by any supposed apology!!! You are being controlled and manipulated!! It's just another tactic they use!.They have no shame or guilt for everything they do!!
They are bothered by self-destruction and will frustrate as many of them as possible!!

The narcissist may use the following sentences and phrases while implementing narcissistic denial:

I've never said anything like that.
You are very dramatic.
You always misunderstand me
This is not what I meant.
I'm just trying to help/protect you.
You think about everything.
I think you should calm down, you are hypersensitive.
Why don't you just believe me?
I did it for your own good.
How come you are allowed to react like this but I am not?

Denial includes:

1- Dismissal:

Exclusion pushes reality away as unworthy of attention. Example: "That was too long ago and I can't remember what actually happened. Didn't you get over that?"

2- Justification:

Justification justifies a fact in order to make it appear reasonable. Example: "Your father disciplined you for your own good because you were out of control and needed a firm hand.

3- Minimizing:

Underestimating recognition of a fact but minimizing its importance or impact. Example: "Your father gets angry sometimes, but he was always by your side." Negation: Denial is an outright denial of the truth. Example: "Your father did not extend his hand to you and you know it."

Read Also: Dehumanization: A Mechanism For Narcissists To Mistreat& Manipulate Others

4- Reversal:

Referring to an opposite version of reality based on wishful thinking and imagination. Example: "Your father was always so kind and loving to you. He is a saint and you are lucky to have him

5- Play Victim Role

In general, people with this disorder have a difficult time being aware of their behaviors and how these affect others. They might not be able to “see it” even when you point it out to them.

They may also playing the victim as defense mechanism to protect themselves.

This is why they might feel attacked when you contradict them or tell them they’ve done something wrong. This just doesn’t align with their inflated sense of self.

How To Handle The Narcissist Denial

1- Set healthy boundaries

By pointing out their hurtful or dysfunctional behavior, you are damaging their self-image of perfection. Try to deliver your message calmly, respectfully, and as gently as possible. Focus on how their behavior makes you feel, rather than on their motivations and intentions. If they respond with anger and defensiveness, try to remain calm. Walk away if need be and revisit the conversation later.
Follow up with any consequences specified. If you back down, you’re sending the message that you don’t need to be taken seriously.

2- Don’t take things personally

To protect themselves from feelings of inferiority and shame, narcissists must always deny their shortcomings, cruelties, and mistakes. Often, they will do so by projecting their own faults on to others. It’s very upsetting to get blamed for something that’s not your fault or be characterized with negative traits you don’t possess. But as difficult as it may be, try not to take it personally. It really isn’t about you.

3- Don’t buy into the narcissist’s version of who you are.

Narcissists don’t live in reality, and that includes their views of other people. Don’t let their shame and blame game undermine your self-esteem. Refuse to accept undeserved responsibility, blame, or criticism. That negativity is the narcissist’s to keep.

4- Don’t argue with a narcissist.

When attacked, the natural instinct is to defend yourself and prove the narcissist wrong. But no matter how rational you are or how sound your argument, they are unlikely to hear you. And arguing the point may escalate the situation in a very unpleasant way. Don’t waste your breath. Simply tell the narcissist you disagree with their assessment, then move on.

5- Know yourself.

The best defense against the denial and projections of the narcissist is a strong sense of self. When you know your own strengths and weaknesses, it’s easier to reject any unfair criticisms leveled against you.

6- Let go of the need for approval.

It’s important to detach from the narcissist’s opinion and any desire to please or appease them at the expense of yourself. You need to be okay with knowing the truth about yourself, even if the narcissist sees the situation differently.

Suggested:

11 Ways Narcissists Play the Shame Game

To Control You

Sources
helpguide.org/articles/narcissistic-personality-disorder
psychcentral.com/blog/narcissists-responsibility
psychologytoday.com/denial-in-the-narcissistic-mind-pathological-distortion

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Ali Mousa Relationship Blogger & writer