7 Things You Should Never Do When Breaking Up With A Narcissist
While leaving a toxic relationship saturated with harsh criticism, lack of empathy and deep insecurities, is probably the best thing you can do for your mental health. But also breaking up with a narcissist may not be easy, As you must equip yourself with a solid plan, understanding their typical reactions of rage and blame and avoiding the catastrophic mistakes that can enable them to win you back.
So here are things you should never do when breaking up with a narcissist :
1- Breaking No Contact
Engage at any level about the ‘why’s’. Less is more. Simply say it’s not
working/ you both want different things and end it. Repeat on loop and do not
deviate from the script.
If you really want to remove a narcissist
from your life and stop him from destroying you any further, you should stay
no contact.
- No meetups
- Casual hookups
- Hangouts in a group setting
- Staying “friends”
- Accepting gifts
- Phone calls
- Text messages
- Social media messages
- Social media following
2- Cut them off emotionally and spiritually
Don’t Try to show emotion, of any sort. Tears/ sadness/ anger. They love emotion and they get a sick kick out of especially negative emotions. So stay calm, even toned, composed (much easier to do if you stick to less is more).
- Making excuses for the narcissist’s behavior
- thinking or daydreaming about the narcissist
- trying to decipher their messages or actions
- talking to friends about the narcissist
- looking at pictures of the narcissist
- holding on to gifts or other objects that are linked to the narcissist
- listening to the music you associate with the narcissist
- driving past places that remind you of the narcissist
- plotting a revenge against the narcissist
- fixating on the narcissist in any way.
3- Call them on their behaviors.
They don’t deserve that level of emotional investment, go talk through that stuff with a therapist who will help you. A narc knows what they’ve done. All they’ll do if you attack is deflect, minimize and gaslight and use it to lead you down the rabbit hole. Don’t deceive yourself by trying to having mental conversations with the narcissist
Read Also: 7 Steps to Leave An Abusive Relationship With A Narcissist
4-Don’t Trust them.
They might pledge never to repeat the past mistakes in the future, promising you an idyllic relationship or the things you have always dreamed about. And In an attempt to pull you back into a toxic relationship, a narcissist will show remorse, trying to convince you that they have changed.
Don’t believe they’ll ever have your best interests at heart. They won’t. Don’t try and be their friend. Don’t continue to share personal information. Don’t believe that he is changed .DO NOT allow the narcissist hook you back in, no matter how much it looks like he’d changed.
5- Don’t Expect closure.
Just don’t. You won’t ever get a satisfactory answer as to why they did what they did. Whether they loved you/ still love you. What went wrong. What you did wrong. All you need to understand is that you fell in love with a disordered human being and the only person who can give you closure, is you
Don’t try to put a nice little bow on that relationship. It was messy, confusing, painful, abusive and very very exhausting. Just let it go.
6- Don’t defend yourself.
When the narcissist’s realize that all his/her trials to win you back
it’s not working. No matter what he says, you are not buying into his
tales of sorrow and you are not answering his calls or texts.
At this
time, the narcissist will start punishing you by smearing campaigns.
A paradoxical situation known as a smear campaign occurs when a victim of emotional abuse is made out to be the bad person, Unfortunately the people around you may join in with the abuser to attack and discredit you.
It's challenging to remain silent when being the target of absurd lies. It's normal to feel the need to protect yourself. but you must make an effort to resist it because acting in self-defense still counts as interaction with the narcissist.
7- Bewaring of flying monkeys.
Flying monkey” is a term that describes people who the narcissist manipulates to do his bidding for him and they actively participate in narcissist's smear campaign.
According to Claire Jack at her Article in psychologytoday, Flying monkeys get caught up in a narcissist’s plan — often to damage the life of another person. The narcissist may use their flying monkeys as piggy in the middle, carrying information from party to party. The flying monkey may use gaslighting tactics, open aggression and guilt ,tripping in order to make another person feel bad and weak, whilst shoring up the narcissist. And they’re often involved in pleading the case of the narcissist
The narcissist often recruits his or her flying monkeys from among other family members, such as siblings, spouses, or children. Close friends or work colleagues may also become flying monkeys
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