5 Emotional Manipulation Tactics Covert Narcissists Use To Destabilize You

It's hard to walk away from a relationship where you've invested time and effort. Sometimes it's right to fight for your partner, while other times it's better for both of you to walk away. But when it comes to dangerous and toxic people, it can be difficult to know what to do. Narcissists - people with a great sense of entitlement - especially harm a relationship with them.

They spin lies to keep you addicted to their manipulation and control over you, while at the same time destroying your self-esteem.There are some red flags to look for in a relationship that indicate you are experiencing emotional manipulation from the narcissist. And if you decide to leave, there are still a few things that can keep you stuck in the toxic cycle.

Exposing these distortions and manipulations helps a person escape the emotional trap that narcissists place.

Here five techniques of emotional manipulation the covert narcissist usually uses to control you

1- Playing Victim Role.

Victimization occurs when a partner attempts to avoid accountability by gaining sympathy and redirecting focus. They may pretend to be a victim of your behavior or engage in emotional abuse to put themselves in a position to receive reassurance and praise from you. About showing and sharing his "weaknesses" with others.

Will constantly complain about their mistreatment by others; Their families, ex-boyfriends, co-workers, strangers ... tend to have a history of past "psychological" relationships and failed relationships, bad bosses, and people who did not understand or are not skilled.

No matter what happened, they are portraying themselves as the victim every time. In true narcissistic fashion - any problems that are everyone's fault rather than theirs - they seldom have a role in them. Secrecy "victim" would indicate that they were abused in the current relationship. They will point a finger at their partner and complain about all the things their partner does or does not do. They will suggest that they are a “victim” of other people's anger, insecurity, “issues” and so on.

The invisible victim of the type tends to rely on guilt partners as a means of manipulation and also aiming to try to lure others into "rescue" mode. This only increases their reluctance and their avoidance of taking full responsibility for themselves.

2. Deflecting Accountability.

Narcissists will be gladly responsible for things they see as worthwhile, especially when it provides an opportunity to be the center of attention. However, when others place the responsibility on the narcissist, the narcissist sees this as an attempt to control them. This violates one of their personal spells: Nobody will have power over them.

So they are running away from all responsibility. Since they already have shaky and low self-esteem, they try to hide it with fake confidence. An important part of this defense mechanism is never to admit they are wrong. Sometimes some people admit to a few small mistakes in order to prove that they can, indeed, admit something after all, but it is a delusion.

3. Blame Shifting.

A narcissist may have certain emotions buried or repressed within themselves but because they are completely detached from introspection and have the ability to gain insight into their own feelings, the narcissist often verbally vomits (or exposes) his feelings to the object of love. . (Yes, the picture of projected vomit applies here.) This blame shift most often occurs when the narcissist has experienced a narcissistic injury or boundaries are set by their partner, causing the narcissist to feel a loss of control / power.

This particular form of manipulation relies on the abuser's knowledge of your weaknesses and preferences. Among them may be your steadfast avoidance of conflict or your tendencies to play the role of a peace-builder; Your tendency to back out of your positions; Your desire to satisfy; Your fears and doubts about yourself; And your tendency to question the validity of your thoughts and feelings.

The narcissist strongly believes in lying. The narcissist changes experiences in his mind to justify anything wrong. Arguing doesn't help the situation because the narcissist refuses to budge.
And that it allows them to evade responsibility for their words and actions; Plus, being right all the time is a wonderful affirmation of a narcissist, reinforcing how powerful and superior he is, despite the deep shame that lies at his core.

4. Guilt tripping.

Secret narcissists are experts at getting you to take all the blame. It often happens before we even realize it. We take all responsibility for everything, from the simplest things to their mistakes in the first place. If they hit you, it's because you forgot to take out the trash. If they shout at you, it's because you weren't even listening to them in the first place. If they throw something out, it's because you've said hello to a guy in public. If they get angry at you, it is because you did not answer their question the way they wanted.

Narcissists play on your vulnerabilities, fears, and compassion by using tricks of guilt and compassion. They gain your trust by making them think they love you. Their tricks might include threats to end the relationship, ignoring you (which gives you a cold shoulder), or any other form of "punishment". Narcissists generally find it easy to feel guilty about getting what they want because of your kind, sympathetic, or "gratifying" nature.

One of my favorite authors said it this way: Some narcissists are playing martyrs. They will be playing the "Woe to Me" routine. They list all the sacrifices they made for you. Some even crowd tears because they are not appreciated. Don't be fooled by this manipulative behavior. They are trying to convince you to pardon their bad behavior.

Projecting may be applicable , "Were you just using me?" A narcissist might also say things to imprison the person in the relationship using guilt. "If I leave, I will never be the same." Or "You will destroy children. You destroy everyone's lives. Hope you are happy." Using a person's conscience to manipulate and control them is totally unacceptable.

5. Passive aggression .

Most people have probably used this manipulative technique at one point or another, perhaps without even realizing it. But people with covert narcissism often use passive-aggressive behavior to express frustration or make themselves appear superior.

There are two main reasons drive this behavior:

The deep-seated belief their “specialness” entitles them to get what they want
The desire to get back at people who wronged them or had greater success

Related: 6 Ways to Spot A Passive Aggressive Narcissist

Passive-aggressive behavior can involve:

Silent treatment
Sabotaging someone’s work or friendships
Teasing or mocking remarks framed as jokes
Procrastinating on tasks they consider beneath them
Subtle blame-shifting that makes other people feel bad or question what really happened

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Ali Mousa Relationship Blogger & writer